


The Sweetest Con

by markwardos



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Escorts, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Fluff, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mentions of Taylor Swift, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:49:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 45,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29274231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/markwardos/pseuds/markwardos
Summary: Based on Cowboy Like Me by Taylor SwiftEver since his career as a firefighter was ended by the injury to his leg Buck has been making his money by hustling or being an escort for rich men. It's a way of life for him and he's on his way to stability and a future of riches now that he's engaged to a wealthy businessman. That is until fellow escort, Eddie Diaz, shows up and changes everything.Listen to the playlist for the fic here: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0RUkMn0x44YHTneMbEJxjr
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Original Male Character(s), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Henrietta "Hen" Wilson/Karen Wilson
Comments: 7
Kudos: 94





	The Sweetest Con

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on twitter @kaylatalks2much or on tumblr @diggorypuff.

When Buck wakes up his face is plastered to the pillow by his drool and the first thought that strolls through his mind is, ‘God how attractive.’

But all things considered, he’s sure there’ll be no complaints on his attractiveness.

He sighs heavily as he takes note of the light streaming through the closed blinds. He idly remembers Larry’s attempts to wake him earlier, he can’t exactly remember how he got him to leave him alone, but if the bad taste in his mouth is anything to go by it’s probably for the best that he doesn’t.

Slowly but surely Buck manages to heave his heavy head from the silk or satin pillow, he’s not entirely sure which. It’s just enough for him to glance at the clock and read 2 o’clock from it and right beside it is a note in Larry’s nearly unreadable fancy scrawl.

Buck isn’t sure he’s awake enough to decipher it just yet and decides to ignore it and instead ambles to the spacious shower. The height of luxury in the top penthouse suite, only the best for the likes of Larry and his darling new fiance.

It’s still kind of funny to him, and Buck finds himself shaking his head with a chuckle as he stares down at the ridiculous ring on his left ring finger. Buck wasn’t sure what a male engagement ring would even look like but Buck can’t say it’d entirely hideous. A little gaudy and expensive but he certainly deserved the best for saying yes. The ring’s something like 28,000 dollars. 

It’s terrible truly when Buck thinks about how the money for this ring could have got him a year’s rent and more in a decent apartment. What rich people spend their money on. But once he marries Larry he’ll truly be one of them, rather than just a good play actor thanks to Larry’s generosity and lavish gifts.

Buck slides the ring off before climbing in under the warm spray of the shower, even the shampoo and soap is better in the penthouse. None of the cheap hotel stuff, but name brand, all provided.

When Buck climbs out of the shower and dries off he spends a good five minutes brushing his teeth and gargling mouthwash till he’s got the taste of Larry out of his mouth.

He walks into the bedroom, a towel wrapped loosely around his waist as he goes to the mini-fridge and freezer and drops a few ice cubes into a glass before pouring the expensive hotel whiskey. He munches on a few pretzels before sipping the whiskey so that it doesn’t clash with the taste of his toothpaste.

He finally decides to sit down and decipher Larry’s note squinting at the cursive letters.

_‘Make sure you’re ready by 5 for the dinner downstairs. Look presentable. DON’T drink too much, I need you at your best, this is important.’_ \- Larry

Buck sighs heavily as he looks down at the glass he had been all too ready to refill a couple more times, but will now have to suffer with only one. 

Buck curses Larry for not telling him this morning, he could have gotten up and drank throughout the morning and been sober by the evening had he. Though the truth is Larry probably told him last night and this morning and Buck ignored it. Probably too drunk and high last night from the mix of alcohol and a bit of Larry’s crushed Vicodin, and too hungover this morning when Larry tried to get him up.

Buck plops down on the bed not bothering to get dressed just yet and flicks through the tv channels before he stops on the news which is telling a story about some courageous firefighters who rescue a kid from a burning building. 

Buck gets a pain in his leg just watching it, he knows it’s not real, just a phantom pain brought on by thoughts of his old job. He used to be one of them, a brave firefighter, it used to be him rescuing kids from burning buildings. Then he got what some might call a bad injury. Afterall, a fire truck crushing your leg is pretty bad right? He never recovered from it, and he was off the team.

He’d mucked around for a long time never finding his place, always just scraping by. Then he’d been propositioned by some old guy on a corner, and he had nowhere else to go, so whatever he slept with him.

Buck didn’t think he was good at much, but he was a superb lay and the guy did a little pretty woman act on him. He turned out to be loaded, and all too happy to pay to keep Buck in his bed, and on his side once he fixed Buck up a bit.

That was about three years ago, and about five rich guys before Larry.

Buck didn’t love any of them of course. It mattered only what each could provide for him. Each guy was richer than the last and he had to admit better than the last. Larry was nice enough, provided plenty, never got rough with him, or had any weird kinks. Buck could live with Larry for however long until he died or something, and Larry didn’t have an ex-wife, current wife, or a kid like the others did so Buck was certain to get everything when Larry kicked the bucket and he’d never have to do any of this again. 

Maybe it was a cruel thought but it wasn’t as if Buck wasn’t working hard to earn every dime of it.

Around 4 pm the hotel phone rings and Buck picks it up and answers, “Hello.”  
  


“Aw great you’re up. You got my note right?” Larry asks, his voice sounding somewhat nervous.

“Yep. I’m fully sober,” Buck hums fingers running idly across the cotton sheets.

“Wonderful, cause I’m gonna need your help tonight,” Larry says.

“My help? Surely not with business,” Buck scoffs.

“No, no,” Larry chuckles and says, “But one of the partners, Lynette is bringing her boy toy, boyfriend, or whatever, I’m not sure what he is with her. He’s about your age, just be nice if you could chat him up, use that ol’ Pennsylvania charm of yours. Just keep him out of hair while we discuss,” Larry tells him.

“Sounds easy enough,” Buck sighs.

“Well it should be. By the sounds of him he’ll be totally regaled by you, he’s from El Paso. You wouldn’t know it not being from Texas and all but it’s a pretty _diverse_ town,” Larry says.

Buck can read through his coded language enough to know what Larry means, but Larry takes a moment to emphasize exactly what he means.

“According to Lynette he was born here, but who knows about the family. That city is just crawling with illegals being on the border like that. Last names Diaz,” Larry chuckles, “But it’ll certainly keep Lynette’s judgments about me behind her lips with her mucking around the likes of that.”

“Right,” Buck says through clenched teeth hoping to end this call quickly, there’s only so much of this disgusting vitriol Buck can handle. 

“Whatever, doesn’t matter you’ll handle it perfectly. I’ll see you downstairs in an hour,” Larry sighs.

“Okay,” Buck answers before hanging up and rubbing at his temples.

He more than deserves that money.

So Buck combs his hair into place and gets dressed into a crisp white button-up, dark slacks, and a black blazer.

He only just remembers his ring in the bathroom and slides it on quickly before ambling into the elevator. The doors are just about to close when a hand catches the door and a man who seems entirely out of place on the top floor slides in. But he must belong, you need a key card to even access the top floor.

He’s wearing a dark leather jacket, a white tee-shirt, paired so oddly with dark slacks and brown boots.

His dark hair is slicked back and his skin is such a beautiful gold and olive color. A pretty expensive-looking watch is on his wrist, but Buck wouldn’t really know the difference between a real and a fake anyways. A silver necklace hangs around his neck and Buck finds himself squinting to decipher it.

“It’s Saint Christopher,” the man says clearly taking in Buck’s staring.

Buck’s cheeks flush and the man smiles and then his eyes dart down to Buck’s hand and he says, “That’s a pretty fancy piece you’ve got there though.”

Buck glances down at his ring and again feels embarrassment, but this time for having such a ridiculous piece of jewelry.

“Can I see it?” The man asks.

Almost instinctively Buck tucks his hand into his pocket and the man chuckles and then pulls off his necklace and offers it out to Buck, “Here I’ll trade you a look.”  
  


Buck looks at him doubtfully, surely that necklace isn’t worth even a percent of what the ring is.

“Trust me that necklace is worth more than that ring to me. It’s the greatest luck charm,” the man assures him.

Buck takes the necklace from the man and begins to pull off the ring when the man catches his hand and just takes his whole hand instead in order to look at it.

Buck’s cheeks turn red again, but he quickly turns his eyes to the necklace instead though he’s intensely aware of the warmth of the other’s hand holding his, as he examines the ring.

The necklace is simple of course, just a round silver pendant with a carving of Saint Christopher on it and a small engraving reading ‘ _Saint Christopher Protect Us_ ’ on it.

When he looks up again the man is staring at him and says, “It’s a nice ring. The diamond’s at least a carat right?”

“1.8 or something like that,” Buck mumbles, still feeling embarrassed.

“The band platinum?” He asks.

“White gold,” Buck supplies.

He nods and then turns the ring to look at the small stones and a frown comes across his face, “Black diamonds.”

“Yeah? Something wrong with them?” Buck questions.

The man chuckles and shakes his head, “No. I just would have gone with sapphires. To match your eyes you know?”

Buck stares up at him blinking before slowly drawing his hand away and handing the man back his necklace.

“I’m Eddie,” the man tells him, “Eddie Diaz.”

Buck stares back at him for another moment before connecting the dots, “Diaz...oh are you...uh…,”

“Am I what?” Eddie asks, raising his brows curiously at Buck.

“Uh...Lynette’s uh...boy or friend or whatever?” Buck stutters out.

“Yes, I’m Lynette’s boy or friend or whatever,”Eddie laughs, “That must make you Larry’s boy right?” Eddie questions.

“I’m his fiance,” Buck says somewhat offended that he’d be described as such, he’s put in more than enough work to be more than just Larry’s boy.

“Right,” Eddie says sounding somewhat amused, “Explains that god awful ring.”

“You said it was nice,” Buck accuses eyes blazing.

Eddie laughs and says, “It is, I suppose. But like I said, I would have gone with sapphires.”

Buck turns his head a bit and faces forward as they exit the elevator together.

“I’m supposed to be keeping you out of their business and charming you,” Buck tells Eddie flatly.

Eddie gives a loud guffaw and says, “Shit if that weren’t my same job.”

Buck grinds his teeth together and ignores the grin that spreads across Eddie’s face before he leans into Buck and asks, “So how am I doing? You know? In terms of charming you.”

“Terrible,” Buck replies shortly speeding up his step towards the restaurant, hearing Eddie’s laugh trailing behind him.

When he gets outside the restaurant Larry lifts his head from where he’s talking to another old male and an older woman. Larry gives a great big smile on his broad face and tries to sling a fat arm over Buck’s much taller shoulders as he introduces him to the older gentleman, Neil and then to Lynette who now has her skinny arm around Eddie, with her long pink fingernails picking a piece of lint off his jacket.

Lynette was probably very beautiful once, but now she just looks like the botched surgery version of Dolley Parton. Her hair is dyed bottle blonde, done in a hairstyle that must have gone out of style at some point before the nineties. Her lips are puffy and covered in a shade of bright red lipstick that’s smudged in her teeth. So, Eddie certainly has no room to act high and mighty, Buck thinks.

They’re seated in the waiting area, which is a fancy bar while they wait for their table to be made.

The three elders sit together on one side already starting in on their business talk and shoving Eddie and Buck off on each other.

Buck glances towards Eddie who blinks in the direction of the three older people as if trying to decipher any of what they’re saying.

Buck finally gets up and says to the group, “I’m going to go grab drinks from the bar for you all. What would you like?”

“Well aren’t you just a doll,” Lynette smiles with her lipstick-stained teeth, perhaps Buck should be polite and tell her, but he just smiles back at her.

“I told you, he’s absolutely perfect,” Larry beams.

“I’ll have…,” Eddie begins before Lynette interrupts, “I think we’ll all just have martinis darling, make it easy for you.”

“That sounds great,” Larry agrees.

Buck nods and sees Eddie’s head drop a bit before he goes to the bar and orders four martinis and a scotch for himself. He manages to carry them all back and Lynette squeals, “Oh honey, you’re so sweet. Eddie you should have helped him,” she says her blue eyes flickering cold in Eddie’s direction.

Eddie swallows and says, “I should have, I’m sorry,” his eyes floating up towards Buck as he sits back down beside him.

“It’s fine,” Buck assures as he puts their drinks in front of him, noticing how pleased Larry looks at Eddie’s screw up.

The conversation’s in full swing shortly after that and Buck’s lone scotch stands out against the four martinis. Eddie seems to be eyeing him silently, his eyes flickering down towards Buck’s drink as Buck takes a welcome sip.

The conversation carries on when they’re finally seated at their table and Buck busies himself with the menu which is in French but he’s been to enough French restaurants to know the basics. Plus there was Willard, one of his past benefactors who took him on a trip to Paris, that helped.

Eddie though seems to be blinking down at it entirely perplexed before he finally leans over towards Buck and whispers, “I don’t understand a fucking thing on this menu.”

Buck snorts slightly but luckily they're out of earshot and Buck turns his head in Eddie’s direction and asks, “No?”

“Not even a little,” Eddie sighs.

Buck laughs quietly again and Eddie gives a heavy huff before asking, “Do you know what it says then?”

“A little. It’s not my first rodeo as you say here in Texas,” Buck hums.

Eddie laughs and says, “No? So you’re not from Texas of course, where are you from?”

“Pennsylvania.”  
  


“Philadelphia?”

“No, not that cool. Hershey,” Buck answers.

“Like the candy bar?” Eddie asks.

“Exactly like the candy bar,” Buck smiles.

Eddie smiles back and sighs, “So you understand this menu, teach me a little, Frenchie.”

“Well, what exactly do you want to eat?” Buck asks.

“Something with chicken maybe?” Eddie suggests.

Buck smiles and leans in and points to different dishes on the menu, “See this word poulette and poulet, that means chicken,” Buck explains.

“Why are they spelled differently?” Eddie questions.

“One’s feminine and the others masculine,” Buck answers.

“Ah, they have that in Spanish too, but it’s at the beginning like el and la,” Eddie sighs.

“I know,” Buck nods.

“You speak Spanish?” Eddie asks.

“Only a little, I tended a wet bar in South America for a summer once,” Buck explains.

“Oh, then come on. Give me a little,” Eddie smiles widely.

“What? No!” Buck exclaims.

“Come on, just a little. Poquito!” Eddie pleads.

Buck laughs and rolls his eyes before sighing and straightening up, “Okay well…” Buck is about to start when a loud laugh erupts from across the table.

Buck and Eddie both jump away from each other at the sound of it and Buck is slightly shaken because for a moment he seemed to forget that the other three were even there.

Buck clutches his drink and takes a sip of it to steady himself when Eddie finally leans back in glancing briefly towards Larry before he asks, “So you and Larry?”

“Yes,” Buck answers, narrowing his eyes at Eddie.

“How long have you two been…” Eddie trails off.

“Six months,” Buck answers.

“And you’re already engaged?” Eddie questions.

“Well when you know, you know,” Buck answers quickly downing the rest of his drink.

Eddie hums a small grin on his lips and Buck shoots him a glare before asking him, “What about you and Lynette then?”

“A month or so. But I’m not exactly a one-trick pony,” Eddie grins.

  
“So you’ve got others like her?” Buck questions.

Eddie shrugs and says, “Whatever pays you know. I make my rounds at the country club, I’m a hot commodity.”  
  


“I bet,” Buck scoffs, earning a short grin from Eddie as Buck plays nervously with his ring.

Eddie glances down at it and seems to glance up at Larry briefly just to check that his attention is elsewhere before turning back to Buck, “So is Larry your first…”

“First what?” Buck says warningly.

“Mark?” Eddie replies unfiltered.

Buck’s eyes shoot over towards Larry quickly as his cheeks turn red, “He’s not…”

“Alright is he your first older man?” Eddie questions.

“Hardly, I only ever dated older guys,” Buck answers.

“Older as in ancient like Larry or older as in just older than you,” Eddie smirks.

“Fuck you,” Buck whispers harshly.

“I think you would, I’m not your typical forty-year age gap, but I’m sure I’m older than you,” Eddie laughs.

“How old are you?” Buck asks, trying to remain civil.

“32. You?” Eddie asks.

“28,” Buck answers.

“Alright so Larry’s 96 and 96 minus 28 is…,” Eddie starts.

“He is not 96,” Buck hisses.

Eddie laughs and says, “I’m sorry, just shy of it is he?”

“What about Lynette then, she’s hardly a spring chicken,” Buck huffs under his breath, “How old is she?”

“A lady never reveals her age and a gentleman never asks,” Eddie explains.

Buck rolls his eyes and says, “You’re pretty judgy for a man who makes his money off of bedding old women.”

“It’s not the only way I make my money. It’s just a side gig,” Eddie replies.

“And what’s your main gig?” Buck asks.

“I’m a firefighter,” Eddie answers.

The blood leaches out of Buck’s face and he turns his head.

“Buck…,” Eddie says.

Buck ignores him and ever so gently he feels Eddie’s hand reach across and touch his.

Buck’s head shoots up in Larry and Lynette’s direction to find them immersed in conversation but he’s still quick to jerk his hand away.

“Did I really offend you? I’m sorry, I was just joking with you,” Eddie whispers quickly.

“No. It’s just...I used to be a firefighter before...all this,” he mutters looking down at his napkin.

Eddie’s frown grows deeper and he says, “You were? Why….why’d you quit?”

“I didn’t,” Buck whispers.

Eddie watches him and asks, “Then what happened?”

“A bomber. Put a bomb on one of the trucks, it blew up of course with me in it. Threw me out but then landed on top of my leg. I got to keep my leg luckily, but I was unfit for duty so...they kicked me off the team and well…,” he jerks his head towards Larry knowing Eddie will get it.

“Buck...I’m…,” Eddie begins.

“Don’t...I don’t need anyone’s pity. I do just fine on my own,” Buck insists.

“You do. You really do,” Eddie replies quickly before going silent.

They sit there quietly for a while just ignoring each other and the chatter from across the table.

“Why do you do it if you’ve got a firefighting gig? They don’t pay too badly,” Buck says, “And no one should do this if they don’t have to.”  
  


“I’ve got a kid,” Eddie answers causing Buck to turn his head towards him.

“You have a kid?” Buck asks.

  
Eddie’s whole face lights up as he nods and then says, “Christopher.”

“Like the necklace,” Buck whispers.

“Like the necklace,” Eddie nods.

“So you have a kid. A lot of firefighters had kids,” Buck replies.

“His mother isn’t in the picture. She ran out and he has CP, that’s a lot of doctors, home care, and other aid to pay for,” Eddie explains.

“Do you have a picture?” Buck asks.

Eddie blinks before nodding, “Yeah, you want to see?”

“Yeah, I love kids,” Buck smiles gently.

Eddie glances across the table before pulling out his phone below the table and going to a photo of him and an absolutely adorable smiling kid.

Buck smiles down at it and says, “He’s super cute.”

“He’s 7. Means everything to me,” Eddie sighs before slipping his phone into his pocket again.

They chat throughout dinner until the other three finally rise up and are finished. Larry slips his heavy arm around Buck’s waist and says his goodbyes briefly letting go of him.

When he does Eddie makes his way across to Buck and says, “Hey uh...can I have your number?”

“My number…,” Buck whispers.

“You know in case we’re ever running in the same circle or circles again,” Eddie shrugs.

“Uh...yeah sure,” Buck says almost robotically, taking Eddie’s phone and adding his number quickly while Larry is distracted.

“I’ll uh text you, so you have my number too,” Eddie smiles and Buck nods and begins to retreat towards Larry when Eddie says, “Hey Buck. Thanks for tonight. It was nice talking to you.”

Buck nods and comes back to Larry's side and as they walk towards the elevator together Larry leans in and says, “Great job tonight.”  
  


“I hardly did anything,” Buck whispers.

“You distracted Lynette’s boy toy. A real piece of work too by the looks of it. Doubt he’ll be around long. Doesn’t have your class and grace,” Larry chuckles to himself.

“Perhaps he doesn’t want to stick around too long himself,” Buck mutters.

Larry scoffs and says, “She’s that boys meal ticket, if he knows what’s good for him he’ll toe that line for as long as he can.”  
  


Buck doesn’t say anything else as they ride up in the elevator and Buck feels strangely cold as he crawls into bed that night, not warm like he did with Eddie pressed against his side like he was in the restaurant. 

\---

Him and Larry are back home in their New York penthouse, when Buck gets his first text from Eddie.

**_‘Is this where you went to school in Hershey? - E.D_ **’

Below it is a picture of the all-girl Catholic school Maddie went to and Buck chuckles as he eats his salad at the counter of his lonely apartment.

‘ **_That’s an all-girls Catholic school, my sister went there though. Try the all-boys one. Also just realized your initials are E.D like erectile dysfunction_ **.’ Buck replies.

A few minutes later he is sent a screenshot of the all-boys Catholic school he went to along with a message from Eddie.

**_‘You’re Catholic too? Oh how the mighty have fallen._ **’ Eddie texts back.

‘ **_That’s the one. And I’m not anything, my parents are. Mr. ED_ **’ Buck shoots off.

‘ **_Well you’d have a lot of experience with that situation wouldn’t you? You’d know just how to take care of it I’m sure._ **’ Eddie replies.

‘ **_Why are you so concerned about where I went to school anyways? Also no one needs any drugs when I’m there._ **’ Buck sends back.

‘ **_I’m trying to find pictures of little catholic school boy, Buck, shut up. Wait...what’s your last name? Also I’m sure._ **’ Eddie replies making Buck laugh.

‘ **_Buckley._ **’ Buck sends back.

‘ **_Buck Buckley? God your parents hated you._ **’ Eddie texts back.

‘ **_My name isn’t Buck Buckley idiot. Though you’re not wrong._ **’ Buck chuckles putting what’s left of his salad in the fridge smiling to himself and he drops onto the couch with his phone.

‘ **_Alright then, what is it?_ **’ Eddie messages back seconds later.

‘ **_Evan_ **,’ Buck types back.

‘ **_I like it._ **’ Eddie replies.

‘ **_I didn’t obviously._ **’ Buck sends back.

‘ **_Larry doesn’t call you Evan?_ **’ Eddie texts.

‘ **_No._ **’

‘ **_Who does?_ **’ Eddie asks.

‘ **_My sister. My parents.’_ ** Buck replies.

‘ **_And you don’t like it?_ **’ Eddie asks.

‘ **_I mean it’s nice when my sister calls me it, I suppose. She doesn’t say it like it’s a bad word though_ **.’ Buck texts and feels his cheeks flush after he sends it, cause it’s too personal.

‘ **_So how is Larry?_ **’ Eddie texts moving on.

‘ **_Fine. How’s Lynette?_ **’ Buck asks back.

‘ **_Moved on. Think she was so impressed by you that she’s on the search for something better like you._ **’ Eddie replies.

‘ **_My apologies._ **’ Buck texts him.

‘ **_Don’t be. I’ve got others lined up._ **’ 

Buck is sure he does and texts Eddie so and the conversation ends there much to Buck’s disappointment.

But two days later Eddie texts him a picture of Christopher sleeping, with the caption, ‘ **_I’ve got a better bed mate than you._ **’

Buck grins ear to ear as he sits across from Hen, the pharmaceutical sales rep he befriended randomly at the airport one time when his flight was delayed on a trip to see Larry. They’ve been having lunch weekly ever since.

“What are you grinning at?” Hen asks.

“Uh nothing...just uh...Eddie,” Buck mutters.

“Who’s Eddie?” Hen asks.

“Just a guy I met when I went down to Texas with Larry,” Buck says.

“Is he another old guy like Larry? Are you thinking of jumping to a more expensive boat?” Hen grins.

“No, no, he’s around my age,” Buck swallows.

“What does he do?” Hen asks.

“Uh...kinda what I do...but he’s a firefighter too,” Buck replies.

“And you’re just texting?” Hen questions.

“Yeah…,” Buck trails off.

“Does Larry know?” Hen asks.

“God no,” Buck hisses.

“Just be careful Buck,” Hen sighs.

“What do you mean?” Buck asks.

“Well you know I don’t approve of…”

“Hen,” Buck mutters.

“Not because I’m judging or anything. It’s just that I think you deserve better and more and can do better. Don’t look at me like that Buck, you can. But this guy if he’s mixed up in the same business as you isn’t…”

“It isn’t anything Hen. We’re just talking like you and me talking,” Buck sighs.

“Okay,” Hen hums though she seems unconvinced and Buck isn’t entirely convinced himself.

About a month later though he’s been texting Eddie every single day, when he gets his first call from Eddie.

“Hello?” Buck answers.

“Hey, uh...I’ve got the next girl, Sandra and she has a dinner meeting with a Larry that she wants me to come to. Any chance that it’s your Larry and you two are coming into Texas?”

Buck smiles a bit to himself and answers, “We are.”

But it is immediately met with Eddie shouting back, “PENN STATE!”

Buck is completely taken aback before he laughs loudly into the phone causing several people on the sidewalk to look up at him, “Oh my God. Who taught you that?”

“I wanted to know about common Pennsylvania culture. Apparently, you guys really care about college football even though not all of you went there.”

“This is unfortunately true,” Buck replies with a soft chuckle, “But there’s more to Pennsylvania than just that.”

“Well then I guess you’ll have to teach me when I see you,” Eddie replies and Buck can hear his smile through the phone.

“I guess I will,” Buck whispers back.

“I’ll see you soon then Buck,” Eddie says.

“See you soon,” Buck repeats before hanging up.

That’s the first night that he jacks off to the thought of Eddie in the shower.

It’s a simple image really, just Eddie with his fucking beautiful golden skin and dark hair that probably sprinkles his thighs. His thighs which leave nothing to the imagination in those pants he wears.

Buck tightens his hand around himself fucking up into it imagining it’s Eddie’s, the same hand that held his when he was looking at his ring.

Fuck.

He cums so quick off this image alone that it’s truly embarrassing.

He shouldn’t be thinking about Eddie like this but he convinces himself it’s nothing. It means nothing. Eddie’s just really attractive, that’s all this is. Him getting off to an attractive guy. It’s fine.

Before he leaves for Texas with Larry, Buck meets up for lunch with Hen again and Buck can feel her watching him from across the table. Even though she can’t see his phone screen, Eddie’s text comes through, some little quip about being the hottest dad in all of Texas and Buck starts to laugh.

“Are you texting him?”

Buck’s head snaps up to see Hen looking at him, eyebrows raised, jaw set.

Buck doesn’t reply and they sit there in silence for a long while before Hen says, “Buck.”

“We’re just texting!” Buck complains.

“Buck,” Hen sighs again, closing her eyes as shame washes over Buck, the kind of shame he feels every day, but not from the likes of Hen.

“You need to be careful, okay?” Hen warns.

“You need to back off,” Buck snaps back.

Hen’s eyes fly open and they flash, and Buck flinches on instinct.

“I’m just trying to look out for you.”

“I didn’t fucking ask you to, did I?” Buck shouts.

Hen doesn’t say anything for a moment; she just stares straight at Buck while Buck’s phone buzzes in his hands. It’s another text from Eddie for sure, but he doesn’t break eye contact with Hen.

“You’re one of my best friends, Buck,” Hen says, slowly, voice soft yet firm. “I don’t want to see you get … hurt.”

“Who says I’m gonna get hurt?” Buck asks, but even he can hear the waver in his voice. Hen sighs again.

“This … this guy, Eddie. He’s doing what you do to make ends meet and you’re engaged, for whatever reason. Think if you’re ready to sacrifice everything you have for him to not do the same first.”

Buck frowns, something in him turning hard and cold at Hen’s words.

“What does that mean?”

“It probably doesn’t mean anything to him,” Hen says, voice still so slow. She’s looking Buck dead in the eye and Buck feels so uncomfortable, and he knows it’s not just because of the prolonged eye contact. 

“He’s probably just being, like, over-friendly or something. Or wants something material. He might not even like guys, and I don’t want you getting the wrong message and like, trying to act on something and getting messed up or on the wrong side of this,” Hen continues.

“Right cause all of us who do what me and Eddie do are trash, dirty, and untrustworthy,” Buck hisses.

“That’s not what I meant,” Hen says calmly.

“Then, what - are you saying? He couldn’t possibly like me, like that, or something?”

“You’re engaged! And he’s sleeping with every wealthy woman in Texas” Hen shouts causing several patrons to look their way. 

Buck’s cheeks burn and fuck - he suddenly feels like he’s about to cry. His phone buzzes again in his hand and he clutches tightly at it, squeezing his eyes shut as they burn with the threat of tears. “For better or worse you’re in a committed relationship -”

“That’s never stopped you before,” Buck shoots back at her. He looks at her just in time to see Hen recoil, suddenly looking like she might be sick. It’s a low blow throwing Hen’s past with Karen back in her face. 

“I’m always gonna support you Buck,” Hen says warningly as Buck stands up from the table. His hands are still shaking as he clutches tight to his phone. “But I’m also gonna tell you when you’re fucking up and you are, here. You need to be careful, or -”

“You’re not my fucking mom - I can take care of myself -” Buck shouts back at her.

“Fine!” Hen snaps and Buck can’t even look at her. “Fine. Fuck up, then. Screw up your life, screw up your heart. But don’t come fucking crying to me when you get hurt, Buck.”

Buck storms off then out of the cafe door and walks quickly back to his and Larry’s penthouse crashing down on his bed. His phone buzzes in his hand with another text from Eddie. Normally Buck’s stomach would be jumping in excitement and he’d be hurrying to read it, but now the thought of doing so just makes him sick.

The sickening feelings sticks with him, even when he’s landed in Texas and is in the same penthouse suite as before. All that excitement he felt about seeing Eddie again has been leached out of him and now he only feels dread.

So when Eddie calls him he almost declines before answering reluctantly. 

Before Buck can even greet him Eddie’s voice is coming through the speaker, “You’re back in Texas.”

“That I am,” Buck sighs.

“Is the old man out?” Eddie asks.

“You make it sound like he’s my father,” Buck huffs.

“He’s old enough to be,” Eddie jokes and Buck smiles just a bit.

“Yeah, and how old is this new one?” Buck asks Eddie.

“Unknown, but I’m happy to hear your guesses at dinner. We can even bet and you can figure it out with Larry after and we’ll settle it,” Eddie says his smile so clear through the phone that Buck can’t help smiling too.

“Alright,” Buck sighs.

“But before that, if the old man is out you should leave that hotel suite of yours and come see some more of Texas,” Eddie says.

“Uh...I really don’t feel too good Eddie to be honest,” Buck sighs.

“You’re sick?” Eddie asks.

Buck thinks on this and says, “Yeah, a little.”  
  


“Really? Cause I was thinking we could go to the park,” Eddie starts.

“That’s your idea of Texas sight seeing? A park. We have parks in New York you know? Some of the best,” Buck counters.

“Yes, but New York's parks don’t have Christopher and I was going to bring him,” Eddie says.

“Your...your Christopher?” Buck asks.

“No, Christopher Robin, yes my Christopher,” Eddie shoots back, “But if you’re really sick…”

“I’m...I’m not...I just...Eddie...we can’t...I can’t...this can’t…,” Buck stumbles.

“Buck, we’re not doing anything. We’re just friends hanging out,” and he sounds so sure and Buck thinks maybe that’s all it is and it’s safe, but then in that pause Eddie’s voice becomes soft and asks, “Right?”

Buck hangs in the pause and swallows before forcing a smile for absolutely no one, Eddie can’t see him, and answers back, “Right.”

“Good. See you at noon. Lakewood Park,” Eddie says.

“Got it,” Buck agrees before hanging up, finding himself messing with his ring uncomfortably even more than usual.

It can be simple, they’re just two friends like him and Hen. They just get along because they’re both doing pretty much of the same thing. It’s nothing to either of them but friendship and that’s good. So good.

\--- 

The last thing Eddie wants is to fall in love again, that’s why sleeping around with these fancy country club women is perfect for him. There’s not even a little bit of risk of falling for any of them and they pay him well, either in gifts or actual cash, all to feel young and beautiful again.

It’s an easy service to provide and it pays all too well, more than covering his and Christopher’s expenses. His parents certainly don’t know, but they certainly can’t say Eddie is failing to provide for his son like they shouted at him when he left El Paso for Dallas.

But the point is, he has no interest in welcoming anyone into his life, and certainly not into Christopher's life, and there’s no way he’d run into anyone worth even considering, right?

Then he met Buck.

Buck who knew just how to fit himself into that world Eddie made money from, but despised. Buck who knew how to fit in, but only really smiled and relaxed when Eddie was making some stupid joke to be kept between the two of them. And he could swear that when they texted back and forth he could see Buck smiling back.

And Buck, well Buck never sounds happier than when Eddie sends him pictures of Christopher. It’s what really made Eddie realize nothing about Buck is a lie. He may play a part, but when he was pressed close enough that Eddie could feel the warmth radiating off him, he was a hundred percent just himself. 

But Buck’s just different all around from anyone he’s ever known.

Eddie always feels likes he’s simultaneously confronting an open window and a shut door when he talks to Buck. Buck never minces his words or plays a part when he’s texting Eddie. He’s just a guy who gets ridiculously happy over little things like photos of Eddie’s son, dogs that he sees on the streets during his walks, or his friends promotion at work. He’s a guy who Eddie can always tell when he’s feeling lonely or sad, or even when his leg might be hurting even though Buck rarely admits to that. But Eddie can always tell.

But there’s still always a part of Buck that Eddie feels like he can’t quite reach. Eddie’s not sure if it’s because Buck’s holding him at a distance, or if maybe Buck’s just so used to guarding a part of himself from everyone that it’s become unreachable.

Having Buck back in Texas makes something burn beneath his skin. Something he’s not felt ever or at least not for a long time. He knows it’s a bad sign that he’s aching to breathe Buck in and feel the warmth of skin again.

When he calls Buck once he lands in Texas, he hears a different Buck on the phone than he’s been hearing. One who’s timid and careful and sounds almost guilty.

Eddie feigns confusion, but he knows what it’s about, he knows there’s a very obvious problem hanging between the two, and a thin line they’re dancing on.

But the way Buck’s voice works around Eddie’s name, like it’s a secret of its own, wraps Eddie up and makes seeing Buck seem as necessary as breathing. And if that weren’t enough to seal it, the way his voice just explodes with affection around Christopher’s name, does.

The only person who knows anything about what Eddie does is his friend, Chimney. At first he was a little judgemental, but he seemed to get it, with Christopher and all. And Chimney’s always great and willing to help babysit when Eddie has to go out.

He knows about Buck too, cause Eddie’s been somewhat obvious about texting Buck. And perhaps once Eddie got a little loose with his words when they were drinking and said something about how much he likes Buck.

When Eddie sobered up Chimney was quick to remind Eddie that Buck was both in the business of conning and engaged, and not to invest himself into this when it was clear Buck couldn’t.

He knows that, he knows all that, and he doesn’t want anything from Buck...he doesn’t...he doesn’t want for anything. The only things that matter are the things he and Christopher need and then he takes care of what Christopher wants. His wants aren't something he busies himself with too much. He’s used to them taking a back seat, so he’ll be fine. It’ll be fine.

Christopher is practically hopping up and down at the prospect of meeting Buck, who he knows a lot about given that his kid’s as smart as a whip. Ever since he asked one day who Eddie was texting he seems to just know when Eddie is chatting with Buck.

Eddie really hopes he’s not that transparent to Christopher or Buck either.

When Eddie sees Buck sitting on a bench in the park idly just staring down at a group of pigeons that seem to surround him, Eddie thinks he almost looks guilty. Like he feels bad that he doesn’t have something to feed them.

When Buck spots him he immediately rises to his feet, and Eddie can’t help but admire how good he looks. He dresses in a way that looks almost dressed up, but comfortable, something Eddie’s never understood. He didn’t think it was possible. He looks like a slob in comparison he thinks, in his flannel, slightly worn jeans, and definitely worn boots. But he sees the slight smile that rises to Buck’s face when he spots Christopher and starts coming towards them.

“Hey,” Eddie sighs almost out of relief that Buck’s in front of him, he’s here, and really in front of him.

“Hey,” Buck whispers back with a small shy smile that sparkles along with his eyes before they dart down towards Christopher, cause he really was the key to getting Buck here.

“You must be Christopher, I’m Buck, your dad talks about you a lot,” Buck says, already seeming completely enamored.

Christopher beams up at him and says, “He talks about you a lot too, or I see him talking to you. He smiles at his phone a lot, that's how I know,” Christopher giggles and Eddie blanches, cheeks turning red at his kid spilling all his secrets.

Buck’s cheeks seem to flush at that and he huffs, “You know I think I’ve been caught doing the same thing. Your dad really knows that the most interesting thing about him is you, so he uses that to his advantage quite a bit.”

Christopher laughs proudly and rocks back on his crutches a bit and Eddie knows Buck already has Christopher enraptured as they begin to walk through the park.

As they pass the pigeons Eddie sees Buck cast a look towards them, again as if a sort of guilt eats at him that yet again he’s passing them by empty-handed.

“You know you really don’t have to feel guilty about not having anything for the birds. They get fed plenty,” Eddie assures Buck.

Buck shoots him a sheepish grin before his whole face lights up and he says, “Oh, but that reminds me. I may have forgotten something for the birds, but I did get you something kid.”

Eddie watches as Buck digs into his coat pocket and pulls out a tube-shaped thing that’s shiny and looks far too expensive, and he happily hands it to Christopher who lights up at the gift.

“What is it?” Christopher asks excitedly, and Eddie cranes his head to get a better look at it and he balks at what looks to be a sort of telescope thing made out of what he’s really hoping isn’t gold.

“It’s a kaleidoscope. All the rage when me and your dad were kids,” Buck beams.

Eddie can easily tell it’s not a typical kaleidoscope you’d buy for a few tickets at the arcade, but a fancy one. It probably costs more than any gift Christopher’s ever gotten, even if it is a silly sort of child gift.

“What’s it do?” Christopher asks excitedly as he rolls it around in his hand.

Buck smiles and waves Christopher over to the bench where they sit down shoulder to shoulder and Buck grabs the scope and lines it up and says, “Alright now press your eye to it.”

Christopher does without question and instantly squeals, “Oh! It’s pretty and the colors and shapes move.”

“Yeah, but they change too if you move it around,” Buck tells him, giving Christopher full control of the toy now. Watching on as Christopher moves it around making noises when different shapes and colors come into his view.

“Dad look, look at the colors,” Christopher finally says after a long time moving the kaleidoscope around.

Eddie smiles and takes the scope in his hand and realizes how heavy it is. So yeah, it’s not your typical cheap toy at all. And looking inside only clarifies it more, it’s not just a few simple patterns, but several, and the colors are so bright and beautiful, and Eddie instantly understands Christopher’s awe.

“Amazing,” Eddie nods when he pulls it from his eye and hands it back to Chris who instantly looks back inside.

“It’s really great, Buck. But you really shouldn’t have it’s so...expensive,” Eddie sighs.

“It was nothing. Consider it several birthdays worth that I missed,” Buck claims.

“You didn’t miss them, you didn’t even know me or that I or he existed,” Eddie argues.

“But if I had I would have bought him a gift so it works out,” Buck shrugs.

“It’s not a simple gift, Buck. It’s expensive, I know it is. What’s it made of? Gold?” Eddie hisses quietly.

“Kids don’t know the price of things, they only know how good it is and I wanted the best. Sure, I dropped more cause of the plating, but the inside is what counts. And it isn’t gold, just brass, promise,” Buck says.

Eddie sighs and says, “Well I’m sure it’s still the most expensive gift he’s ever gotten.”

“I tried to keep it simple at least. The sort of thing you wouldn’t know is pricey unless you thought about it,” Buck says gritting his teeth.

Eddie nods and says, “Well he loves it, obviously. You’ve completely won him over. What do you say Christopher?”  
  


“Thank you Buck, I love it,” Christopher smiles happily at Buck.

They walk around the park for a while longer and make it to the playground where Buck is quick to get down in the dirt with Christopher, or climb on the jungle gym with Christopher, something Eddie always feels some embarrassment about. But it’s the only way Christopher can be safe.

He always finds himself glaring at judging parents, but Buck seems completely oblivious to it. He ignores the stares and happily crawls around and plays with Christopher and the kids and Eddie feels his chest tighten in admiration.

He watches as Buck takes Christopher to the monkey bars and holds Christopher up on his shoulders while Christopher grips it. Eddie continues to notice that Buck does it so seamlessly that it doesn’t appear like something Buck does because Christopher can’t manage it. It doesn’t appear like a burden, but just something he’d naturally do, and he’s praising Christopher’s speed across the monkey bars, and Christopher just lights up under it.

Christopher’s well worn out by the time they start to make their way to the car, with Christopher riding on Buck’s shoulders, his head resting tiredly on top of Buck’s. 

“You’re coming home with us right, Bucky?” Christopher asks, and Eddie can see just from the way he hangs over Buck that he’s already attached, and a ripple of worry darts through him.

“Uh…I should probably…” Buck starts.

“Come for dinner,” Eddie requests, “Just dinner,” Eddie says, “the least we can do for you coming out with us, and the gift.”

“Please, Bucky,” Christopher whispers, and Eddie knows that seals it cause Buck nods his head and says, “Yeah, that sounds good.”

“Wouldn’t say that just yet, I’m a terrible cook,” Eddie admits.

“The worst,” Christopher pipes up with a giggle.

“I think I can help make his food somewhat edible,” Buck reasons and buckles Christopher into his seat.

“Will you help me too or are you too tired kid?” He asks while brushing Christopher’s curls from his face and smiling down at him.

“Not too tired,” Christopher smiles happily and Buck says, “Great.”

Eddie is a goner, he knows this for sure, but cooking with Buck doesn’t help. It’s all too domestic watching Buck move around the kitchen with Christopher sitting on the counter mixing things under Buck’s watch while Eddie is on chopping duty. Buck works the stove and oven though, and eventually they have a really good chicken parmesan with a side of squash, all thanks to Buck really.

Christopher devours it quicker than anything Eddie’s ever made for him other than perhaps a bowl of ice cream.

Buck also manages to get Christopher to bed easily, perhaps because the whole day Buck ran around with him like a kid himself. Eddie thinks he must be tired himself and makes him a cup of coffee.

When Buck comes out Eddie is holding the cup of coffee, and Buck looks at it for a moment, eyes glancing over the clock like he really ought to go. But Buck is too polite and he takes the coffee from Eddie with a short thanks.

Eddie gets to work on the dishes and feels Buck watching him, and it makes his skin burn in that prickling but sweet sort of way. The type you get from someone squeezing your shoulder to soothe a sore muscle or the feeling when someone rakes their nails down your back. 

None of those images exactly put Eddie in the mood he should be around someone he’s sworn up and down to be nothing but a maybe friend to.

It’s silent for a while, just Eddie scrubbing the dishes, until Buck breaks the silence.

“He’s a great kid, Eddie,” Buck says leaning back against the counter sipping at his cup of coffee.

“Yeah, he is. The best. Greatest bit of luck I ever had,” Eddie sighs happily, relieved that the silence has lifted. It gives less room to the less than friendly, but not unwanted thoughts that seem to be trying to pass through his head .

Buck smiles and says, “Well that must be true. It’s the first thing you ever really told me right?”

Eddie hums curiously and Buck steps forward. He’s so close to Eddie that he can feel how warm Buck is, and Eddie wonders how, because the house runs cold because of the broken heater. He watches Buck’s hands as they move towards his neck, and he hates that he feels himself tremble and his eyes shut.

Ever so slowly Buck’s fingers curl around Eddie’s necklace, thumb swiping gently against the pendant like it’s something so delicate, like it’s Christopher himself.

“It’s not the necklace. It’s Christopher He’s the good luck charm that’s worth more than anything,” Buck whispers.

Eddie is just staring down into Buck’s face, so soft with his blond eyelashes against his cheeks as he stares down at Eddie’s necklace.

And Eddie’s so far gone, he’s a lost cause when it comes to Buck.

Buck seems so comfortable and idle in Eddie’s space just looking down at his necklace. Like he doesn’t even notice that he’s got every bit of Eddie’s attention, and every bit of his heart in his hands at this moment.

“It’s Christopher. But I think there’s a bit of him built into the necklace. It got me home from Afghanistan when I was sure I was dead,” Eddie mummers.

This gets Bucks eyes to turn up towards him, so light and blue and full of home and safety.

“Do you have nightmares about it?” Buck asks.

“Yeah. Sometimes...sometimes it feels like I never came home. LIke I’m still there. Sometimes I have to remind myself that I’m still breathing, still alive,” Eddie sighs.

Buck frowns and his hand comes to rest over Eddie’s heart, feather-light as he feels what’s underneath, and Eddie burns beneath Buck’s touch.

“Heart still beating,” Buck whispers and then holds his finger just above his lips for a long while. It remains there and Eddie’s head swims with what Buck is searching for, what he wants from him, whatever it is, Eddie will happily give it. It’s not until he starts to feel absolutely heady that he realizes he’s not been breathing. He lets out a shaky breath and Buck nods to himself and says, “Still breathing.”

Eddie tilts his head curiously and Buck sighs and gives a short shrug, “Just something me and my sister used to say to each other when things got bad.”

“You haven’t mentioned her other than the Catholic girls school. Do you see her?” Eddie asks.

“No,” Buck replies shortly..

“Why not?” Eddie asks carefully.

“She’s got a bad husband. Nothing I can do...I tried...She won’t...says it’s nothing. Got upset with me, I can’t save her,” Buck whispers in a sort of cluster of statements, but they form a deep enough picture.

“Buck,” Eddie breathes.

“I know you don’t approve. Nobody does. But at least...at least Larry’s never hit me. He’s not so bad all things considered,” Buck sighs.

“I’m not judging you, Buck. I’ve got no legs to stand on here do I?” Eddie asks.

“Never stopped anyone before,” Buck huffs before he starts to shift uncomfortably.

Eddie looks him over and whispers, “Your leg is hurting.”  
  


“It isn’t,” Buck argues back pointlessly.

“Yes it is. I can tell,” Eddie tells him.

“You can’t...You’ve seen me in person all of two days,” Buck complains.

“I can tell when you’re back east too,” Eddie sighs.

“No,” Buck grumbles out stubbornly.

“You’re a creature of habit, Buck. You’re adaptable, sure, but if you don’t have to adapt you get stuck in your ways,” Eddie comments.

“You don’t know,” Buck still argues.

Eddies sighs and says,“You always take your daily run around central park, you never skip that. But you also usually take the subway around noon to Chelsea, because you can’t stand Hell’s Kitchen and hate walking there. But you love Chelsea perhaps the most, but you always take it past the Hudson Yards, because you don’t like the way the people look in the glass. It makes you feel claustrophobic just looking at it. In Chelsea you like to walk all around, but you avoid crossing into Soho and Lower Manhattan cause you find them not as colorful. You like Tribeca though, and sometimes you like to take a detour into Little Italy or Chinatown. You don’t go to Chinatown too often though cause you’re bad at haggling, and you take too many things home with you. Also, Hen yells at you because you give a lot of the stuff you buy to Denny. If you’re feeling really good you go down to the two bridges, you like both of them. Brooklyn Bridge is your favorite, but you avoid it in September cause it reminds you of a 9/11 and you get upset. You love Brooklyn and wish you could live in Brooklyn Heights instead of the Upper East side. And when you’re really hurting you don’t go on your walks, you stay home and you text me. Or if you’re hurting a little you make your walks shorter and go just to Chelsea, or you take the subway to one of your other favorites instead of walking from place to place. I know you,” Eddie tells Buck, spouting up perhaps months of information that he’s cataloged into his brain for God knows what reason.

Buck’s blinking up at him wide-eyed, somewhat taken off guard, and he shifts before slowly sitting down and whispering, “It only hurts a little. It’s just a phantom pain. Probably just cause you said the word leg. Happens sometimes.”

Eddie frowns gently before saying, “I know. I’m sorry.”

“I know stuff about you too you know....I listen too,” Buck pipes up.

Eddie is slightly bewildered that of all the issues to pick out of that, it’s that Buck feels like he might have an inadequate amount of information on Eddie stored away.

Eddie sits down and sighs, “I know. I like talking to you.”

Buck blinks back at him and they’re silent for a while before Eddie softly asks, “Where does it hurt?”

“Just at the bottom of my thigh, before my knee, sometimes it feels like it’s right behind it, it’s terrible,” Buck cringes.

Eddie nods and pats his lap, “Give me.”  
  
“What?”

  
“Your leg, give me your leg,” Eddie hums.

“No.”

“I’m an army medic, I’m somewhat trained in some pretty bad injuries. Particularly limbs,” Eddie tells him.

Buck hesitates before wrinkling his nose in pain as he lifts his leg into Eddie’s lap.

Eddie sighs and squeezes just above Buck’s knee before rubbing his index and middle finger in a circular motion around Buck’s knee. 

Buck groans softly as Eddie rubs and Eddie says, “Think it’s the ligaments and muscles not getting enough blood flow. Makes it feel stiff and ache.”

Buck sighs and says, “That's your expert opinion Doctor Diaz?”  
  


“It is Evan,” Eddie answers back quickly.

Buck smiles a bit and sighs, “Feels better already.”

Eddie is silent as he rubs the tension out of Buck’s leg and then quietly asks, “Do you have nightmares about it?”

Buck shrugs and whispers, “Sometimes. Mostly the pain just infiltrates whatever I’m already dreaming about. Like life. Everything’s fine and then suddenly I can barely breathe, the pain goes so deep.”

“What does Larry do?” Eddie asks.

“What’s he supposed to do?” Buck questions looking confused.

“I don’t know. This?” Eddie offers up, looking down at Buck’s leg.

“He’s got his own issues. I hardly would want to do the same. Besides he’d probably have to actually look at my leg, I’m not usually wearing pants around him,” Buck sighs.

“So?” Eddie asks.

“So, I’ve got a hideous scar there. It looks god awful. Total boner killer,” Buck huffs.“He’s got his own, from an artery clearing procedure. I don’t like looking at it either.”  
  


“Is there any part of Larry you enjoy looking at though, Buck?” Eddie asks.

Buck goes silent and then huffs, “Touche.”

Eddie laughs softly and slowly lets Buck’s leg down off his lap before standing to refill their coffee cups.

“Besides I doubt that scar would stop him or anyone for that matter,” Eddie scoffs.

“You haven’t seen it,” Buck argues.

“By all means drop trow and show me,” Eddie chuckles and stares back at Buck.

Buck blinks at him and says, “It’s fucking awful Eddie.”

“You forget how many guys I saw in combat. Lots of burns, scars, shrapnel,” Eddie hums listing off the different injuries.

Buck hesitates and says, “It’s bad Eddie. The truck crushed me and they had to pull me, there was tearing and then the surgery…”

“Buck if you don’t want to show it to me you don’t have to. I’m just saying, it’s not as bad as you think it is. You’re the one saying I can’t say that cause I haven’t seen it,” Eddie counters

.

Buck stares back at Eddie and looks almost small and meek before he’s undoing his belt and sitting down moving his jeans down his waist just enough so that his thigh is revealed.

Eddie puts down his coffee and moves closer, slowly like he might spook Buck if he goes too fast. But he slowly gets on his knees in front of him and Buck giggles uncomfortably and Eddie smiles gently, “What?”

“Nothing, just I’m sure a lot of guys would like to have you in this position,” Buck comments.

Eddie smiles and knows Buck’s joking to relive the embarrassment and tension he feels as Eddie finally turns his eyes on Buck’s thigh. The scar’s bigger than Eddie had thought and it isn’t exactly what he was expecting.

He was expecting the long slice down Buck’s thigh, most likely from the surgery. But he wasn’t expecting the deeper jagged scarring on the inside of his thigh, it’s different from a puffy scar, like the one he has on his shoulder from a bullet wound. No, this is a different kind, it’s dipped low like a bit of flush has been dug out of Buck in a cruel and unclean manner.

But it doesn’t make Buck ugly, or ruin the image of Buck. Nothing could do that. 

Eddie raises his hand gently and asks softly, “Can I?”

Buck swallows before nodding his head turning to look away as Eddie wraps his hands over the jagged scarring, feeling the dips and jagged edges beneath his fingers.

Buck sighs above him and Eddie asks, “Does it hurt?”

“No,” Buck whispers, but he sees tears rolling down his cheeks, but he thinks it’s not from pain, but rather the shame or insecurity he feels, and Eddie aches for him. Aches to take it away.

Eddie squeezes gently on the muscle with his hand and hears Buck let out a small noise above him, but this time he just keeps rubbing the scarred area and lets his fingers move up to where the scar is disappearing beneath Buck’s briefs. He only lets one finger slide up to follow the scar to where it starts and then traces it back down. He hears Buck’s breathing heavy above him, but he can’t look up, look at Buck and make him panic.

He wants to just let his face bury between Buck’s thighs, trace the scar with his lips and fill where something’s missing with him. Make what Buck feels is ugly into something beautiful and less painful. He’d be happy to even just rest his cheek against Buck’s thigh and rest his head there, on any part of Buck he can.

“Eddie,” he finally hears Buck breathe out, his breath shaky and his eyes hooded as he looks down at Eddie. 

Eddie wonders how he must look to Buck, desperate probably cause that’s exactly how he feels. Like he’d do just about anything for Buck to let him stay right here. It’s only then that he notices that Buck’s briefs have tightened and left nothing to the imagination.

He can see the thick line curving upward and it makes Eddie ache all over. He could make Buck feel so good if he just let him.

Eddie finds his own breath growing heavy as he drops his head to Buck’s thigh, rubbing his stubbled cheek against Buck’s thigh and whispering, “Buck. Just want to...once…,” he breathes.

He doesn’t dare look up, he can’t bear to see Buck push away. He can’t really bear to feel him do it either, but he thinks it’ll be easier than seeing it.

Eddie feels like he’s been downing beers by the bottle rather than sipping on coffee, he’s so wasted, he thinks.

His mind is so cloudy, with lust, desperation, Eddie isn’t sure what, but he hears himself babbling between Buck’s thighs.

“Just want to taste you, you probably taste so good, I’d make it good for you, you’re so thick and I just want to...Buck,” he’s begging now. Eddie starts to feel the shame prickle up his neck and thinks he might just cry from it, when a hand presses against the back of his neck and guides him up towards Buck’s crotch.

Eddie peers up finally and sees Buck looking down at him and he looks just as drunk on something, that Eddie still can’t place as he presses his face into Buck’s crotch mouthing at the outside of his briefs.

“Eddie,” Buck breathes out.

“So good for you, so good for you Buck, I promise,” Eddie starts babbling again, and he hardly recognizes himself. He’s not like this. Well perhaps a little cause he’s always taken pride in making sure his partner felt good. Maybe it’s why he didn’t mind it so much, sleeping around for money, because it was just him doing what he had always prided himself on doing.

But he’s never been so desperate to prove himself and please, make all the hellfire that’ll rain down on them worth it.

He only breathes in the scent of Buck and mouths at the outside of his boxers a while longer, then he’s pulling them down, earning a groan from Buck as the fabric tugs his erection free.

He’s just as thick as Eddie assumed and long too, and Eddie’s mouth is watering before Buck even knots his fingers into Eddie’s hair and guides him down.

Eddie groans immediately around the head of Buck’s dick and laps at the pre-cum on the tip, feeding Buck’s cock into his mouth inch by inch.

He hears Buck groaning above him, panting as one hand grips Eddie’s hair guiding him onward, and the other grips the corner of the table. He goes down on Buck until his nose is pressed to the hair below Buck’s navel.

Eddie groans around him enjoying every bit of the taking in of Buck, followed by his slow pull backward and then down again. Buck’s so good, and his fingers tighten in Eddie’s hair and begin to tug.

It’s gentle at first and then he hears a bit of Buck’s voice that doesn’t quite reach his ears, it’s there but it doesn’t sound like anything but garbled noise. But then the tugs become stronger till Eddie’s pulling off with slightly strangled noise. 

Eddie narrows his eyes a bit at the interruption though he’s gasping like he’s been underwater, and he notices his hands are pressed against Buck’s thighs and shaking.

He expects that Buck’s now ready to push him away, and his lip trembles as he prepares to become a babbling mess, he’ll definitely cry this time, but instead he feels the gentle caress of the back of Buck’s hand against his cheek.

“I’m gonna come if you keep doing that,” Buck says matter of factly.

“How unfortunate,” Eddie says and leans in like he’s about to go back in but Buck catches him right under the chin.

“Slow down, look at me,” Buck whispers, his touch gentle, but Eddie is in such a hurry to make sure he gets to have this little piece of Buck that he’s not exactly focused in.

“Buck,” he whines pathetically, that much he’s sure of, “Just want to…”

“I know, Eddie, just slow down, I want to be of some use to you too,” Buck says.

Eddie blinks up at him as if confused and then Buck pushes his hair back from his face, “Use to me?” Eddie thinks he slurs out as if entirely punch drunk.

“Yes, Eddie, I want to have you too, so I need you to slow down,” Buck breathes.

Eddie is still blinking up at Buck who just rubs his hand up and down Eddie’s stubble, “Maybe show me to your bedroom,” Buck suggests and it starts to click in for Eddie who rises to his feet all too quickly, taking Buck’s hand in his. He hasn’t realized until that moment how much he’s wanted to do something as simple as hold Buck’s hand.

They make their way to Eddie’s room and as they pad across the cold floor, Eddie apologizes, “I’m sorry it’s so fucking cold.”

When they get to his room they’re both quickly shedding clothes, though Buck is done first, having already been part way there. And immediately he’s climbing underneath Eddie’s sheets like he’s used to climbing naked into Eddie’s bed. Eddie can see from the goosebumps that coat Buck’s skin that he’s cold, but he still looks up at Eddie and says, “Then I suppose you should get into this bed and we can start warming each other up.”

Eddie’s quick to shed the rest of his clothes and though he’s conscious of Buck watching him the whole time, his eyes dark and heavily hooded as he surveys Eddie, he doesn’t have time to feel the full overwhelming insecurity that would come if he focused in. But it does cause a flush to extend over his body as he crawls underneath the sheets alongside Buck.

It takes only a second for Buck to turn over so that he’s hanging above Eddie, his body easily slotting between Eddie’s legs.

“Hey,” Buck whispers his face inches from Eddie’s, a mock hello of them greeting each other earlier in the day, but so different.

And for a moment it seems so simple, so regular to Eddie that he can start to relax a little.

But then he begins to wonder if they’re just supposed to have sex, or if they can kiss. The women he sleeps with like kissing, if anything it’s somehow Eddie’s least favorite part of the whole ordeal. Maybe it’s that it's not detached enough. Maybe it’s that their lipstick is terrible and smears all over him.

He wonders if Buck and Larry kiss much, and his stomach and chest start to tighten.

“Eddie,” Buck’s voice comes out soft and Eddie realizes his lips are ghosting against his jaw line as if he’s unsure too, and God if Buck wants to kiss him, he’s going to kiss him.

Eddie reaches up and curls his fingers into Buck’s hair before pulling his mouth to his. The kiss is long and deep and somehow so gentle as if they’re just getting to explore and have each other. 

Buck’s hands move down the length of Eddie’s chest gently tweaking Eddie’s nipples as his hand travels lower and lower.

“Buck,” he whimpers softly against Buck’s mouth.

But when Buck’s hand wraps around him he arches his back off the bed, chest colliding with Buck’s as he does.

“Fuck, Buck, oh God, please,” Eddie starts babbling against Buck’s lips, his arms wrapped tightly around Buck’s neck anchoring him there, scared if he lets go that Buck will stop.

Buck easily finds a good rhythm that Eddie likes and writhes in response to, as Buck uses the cum already leaking from Eddie’s tip to jerk Eddie off with. His lips slowly begin to travel down Eddie’s neck and down his collarbone.

Eddie feels like he’s getting close and pushes Buck’s hands-off with a groan, “Stop. I want...,” he’s still gasping.

Buck kisses along Eddie’s jaw and whispers, “What do you want Eddie?”

“I want you to fuck me, please,” Eddie begs desperately.

Buck’s eyes widen and his fingers run through Eddie’s hair, while his lips move to kiss along Eddie’s shoulder like he can’t bear to separate himself from Eddie in any sort of way even though he’s pressed flat against him.

“Have you ever done that before?” Buck asks softly.

“Only once or twice, but I’ve been thinking about it for ages, Buck, please,” he pleads, pulling Buck’s mouth back to his.

“Eds,” Buck whispers softly with a low groan underneath it.

“Please, Buck,” he whines.

Buck nods and gently lifts himself off of Eddie just enough to reach over and start digging in Eddie’s bedside drawer, again like he just knows the place. He finds a condom and lube and tosses them onto the bed before pulling back from Eddie so he can kiss down the length of his body, lips spending extra time on kissing around Eddie’s thighs.

Eventually he positions himself between Eddie’s legs and opens the lube packet with his teeth and squirts some on his fingers before rubbing a single finger against his hole.

Eddie groans with the delicate touch, squirming to get more. Slowly, Buck inserts a finger inside him and begins to open him up, letting him relax for a while before working in a second one.

Eddie pants heavily as he gets used to the second finger and whispers out quietly, “I never thought we’d get to do this.”

His cheeks feel warm with the admission, but then he feels a gentle kiss pressed to his knee before Buck whispers back, “Me neither.”

Eddie finds Buck’s face in the dark as Buck’s fingers slide further inside of him and Eddie presses down against them moaning. It feels so good, even when it’s mixed with the pain that comes as Buck eases his fingers apart stretching him.

It’s so slow they way Buck opens him up, adding a third finger at which point Eddie’s a babbling mess, trying to fuck himself down on Buck’s fingers crying out somewhat loudly whenever Buck’s middle finger brushes against the bundle of nerves inside him. 

“Shh…,’ Buck whispers, kissing at Eddie’s hip, “Christopher.”

“He can sleep through a war,” Eddie breathes out thinking of all the nights he and Shannon we’re screaming at each other and he never woke up once. 

Buck slowly withdraws his fingers from Eddie, as Eddie gives a groan of protest before he feels his hips flush against him and grips Buck’s shoulders as Buck slides the condom on and puts more lube on his hand and slicks himself up.

Very carefully Buck presses into him and Eddie’s head falls back in a loud moan as Buck presses in, inch by inch, slow, until he’s entirely sheathed inside him.

He feels so full and stretched and he throbs around Buck, his nails digging into his shoulders as he adjusts.

Eventually Buck starts thrusting, rocking into him making the moans spill easily from Eddie’s lips as he calls out Buck’s name. His mind feels slightly hazy again and he hates it because he wants to remember every second of this.

They find their rhythm quickly once Eddie’s loosened up enough so it’s easier for Buck to work himself in and out of Eddie. Eventually he’s even managing to hit Eddie’s prostate with every thrust turning him into a complete babbling fool as he calls out for Buck to do it again.

“Fuck, I’m not gonna last Eddie,” Buck groans his lips against Eddie’s catching every moan.

“Yeah,” Eddie whines cause he feels so close himself, so good, it feels so good, “Do it, Buck, fuck please.”

Buck lasts a few more thrusts before his head tips back and he lets out a ragged moan pressing himself fully into Eddie as he cums. Eddie moans as Buck thrusts in and out of him riding out his climax, his hand wrapping around Eddie’s dick and jerking him off until Eddie’s back is arched off the bed and he’s cumming in Buck’s hand and against his stomach.

Buck collapses on top of him for a moment and Eddie buries his face into Buck’s shoulder breathing him in, hands still gripping Buck’s back.

It feels so safe underneath Buck, protected by all of him, still tied to him too.

Very slowly Buck pulls out of him and rolls off of Eddie pulling off the condom and tossing it in the nearby waste basket, before staring up at the ceiling.

It’s silent for awhile, just their heavy breathing before Buck breathes out, “I can’t believe we...did that.”

Eddie turns his head and gently reaches out for Buck and says, “It’s okay.”

Buck flinches at his touch but he lets Eddie roll over and press against his side, “It isn’t,” Buck whispers.

“It’s okay, it’s going to be okay,” Eddie repeats and then very carefully presses a kiss to Buck’s shoulder.

Buck stares down at him and says, “Eddie, I’m getting married. We...this isn’t...what we do...we…,”

“I know, Buck, I know that I just wanted...even if it was only once,” Eddie whispers.

Buck swallows and says, “I have to go...I…”

“Don’t,” Eddie says, grabbing Buck’s hand, “Please, not yet, just stay...for awhile longer and then you can go.”

Buck bites his lip as he looks down at Eddie before he twists around and slides his body up against Eddie and into his arms.

Eddie feels Buck bury his face into his chest, nose pressed in the little patch of chest hair right below his collarbone.

“This can’t be anything, Eddie,” Buck whispers.

“I know,” Eddie breathes out before running his fingers through the small blond curls of Buck’s hair.

“Then why…,” Buck starts.

“Rather a moment than never,” Eddie whispers back fingers coming down to brush against the skin of his shoulder.

“Eddie,” Buck whispers before his lips kiss along Eddie’s shoulder.

Eddie leans his head down to rest his forehead against Buck’s and whispers back, “Buck.”

Buck sighs and cuddles closer to Eddie, their legs tangling together before they both ease into sleep.

\---

Buck doesn’t mean to sleep over and when he does wake up in the morning he’s in an automatic panic as he rolls over and away from Eddie who’s asleep beside him. 

He jumps up and looks down at him and hesitates. Should he wake him? A part of him wants to. To feel Eddie’s eyes on him again. To get the touch he’d probably get from him before he leaves.

But he doesn’t, instead he stumbles around the room gathering his clothes pulling them on quickly till he has his phone in his hand and sees several missed calls from Larry and begins cursing to himself.

He throws another glance back at Eddie as he stands at the door and thinks. Maybe a note, but he shuts that down quickly and rushes out of the house only to realize he rode here with Eddie. 

So he walks a mile before calling an Uber to pick him up, he thinks about Eddie while he waits. He thinks about the mess they made, of how he should have listened to Hen, how he’s so happy he got to have just that bit of him, how guilty he feels for just leaving. But then he reminds himself he’ll be thoroughly punished tonight. At dinner. With Larry and Eddie and the woman Eddie is sleeping with. He feels jealously rush through him, before the anxiety takes over and he’s so fucking messed up now.

Fuck Eddie Diaz. Fuck him seducing him with his cute kid and his perfect self. He sucks.

He calls Larry while he waits too. Explains some bullshit excuse of falling asleep at a friends which maybe not entirely untrue, though him and Eddie are so far from friends now. No, they’re just fucked up.

Larry luckily doesn’t ask many questions and Buck comes up with a masterful lie of former work associates. Female associates. Larry’s never been one to have a deep interest in Buck’s life so he doesn’t seem to think about it.

Larry just wanted a quick fuck before he went to his work appointments, and Buck was able to give that easier than normal, his mind totally focused elsewhere, on Eddie, and the feel of him under him. It made being pawed at by Larry and pressed underneath him a lot easier to handle.

When he left though he got a call from Eddie and his stomach began to flip as he tried to figure out how to handle this. It wasn’t unavoidable forever, only till tonight, and it was probably better to have the confrontation before that.

“Eddie,” he answers the phone shortly.

“Buck, look,” Eddie starts.

“No, you look, we’re not gonna talk about this. It was a one time thing, it won’t happen again. We’re going to do our jobs tonight and nothing more.”

“Then I need you to talk to me right now,” Eddie says.

Buck swallows and says, “About what?”

“Anything...we...we were friends, Buck,” Eddie starts.

“Well we kind of ruined that,” Buck breathes.

“You regret it,” Eddie states.

“Maybe I do,” Buck offers up weakly.

“I don’t.”

“Of course you don’t, it was your whole plan.”

“I didn’t plan on anything, Buck. I just...I wanted it but it wasn’t something I planned. I never imagined you’d let me,” Eddie whispers.

“Of course I let you, Eddie, you’re...fuck,” Buck swears.

“I miss you,” Eddie whispers so softly and Buck feels it in his chest taking hold.

Buck sighs and whispers, “You’ll see me tonight.”

“And then when?”

Buck swallows and says, “We can’t keep...Eddie.”

“I know. But, I want to,” Eddie whispers.

“Just cause you want something doesn’t mean you can have it,” Buck replies.

“I know. I think I know that all too well,” Eddie huffs.

“We just have to get through tonight and then, it’s over,” Buck states.

“You think so?” Eddie asks.

“It has to be.”  
  


“And Christopher?” Eddie asks.

“You can’t be using that against me,” Buck starts.

“I’m not. I fucked up. I knew he’d love you and now I’ve got him attached to you,” Eddie sighs.

“He’ll forget me. He’s only known me for awhile, I’m not that special,” Buck begins.

“You are Buck. He wondered where you were this morning. I burnt breakfast, so you might have ruined my food even more for him after that good meal,” Eddie says.

Buck finds himself laughing gently and says, “How do you mess up breakfast? It’s simple. Eggs. Toast. Bacon. Potatoes. How do you mess that up, Eddie?”

“I don’t know, I burnt all of it,” Eddie complains.

“Are you not watching it?” Buck asks.

  
“I did, but I’m worried it’s not cooked all the way through,” Eddie argues.

“Certainly you can tell it’s cooked before it’s completely black though right?” Buck questions.

Eddie sighs and says, “I’m not good at cooking, Buck. Literally I’m poisoning my son. All I can make is cereal.”  
  


“What’s he like?” Buck asks.

  
“Cocoa Puffs.”   
  


“Smart kid.”  
  


“Yeah,” Eddie chuckles easily and Buck sighs, “Eddie.”

“I know, but...you feel it too don’t you?”  
  


“Feel what?” Buck questions though he knows.

“I can’t explain it,” Eddie whispers, “Just a feeling, I feel.”  
  


“Yeah, but it doesn’t change anything,” Buck breathes.

“I know.”

“I’ll see you tonight, okay?” Buck finally says.

“Yeah, alright. Bye Buck,” Eddie sighs.

“Bye, Eddie.”

It’s only an hour or two later when he finally realizes that he’s missing something important.

He’s been stressing over the Eddie of it all, and as he always does when he’s stressed he goes to play with that ultra-expensive ring on his left ring finger only to find nothing there.

His stomach plummets and he quickly dials Eddie’s number frantically.

“Buck?” Eddie answers automatically.

“My ring. Is it at your place?” Buck asks feverishly.

“I don’t...I haven’t seen it, you took it off?” Eddie questions.

“Not intentionally. I...maybe it came off in the bed,” he whispers harshly.

“It wasn’t there when I made the bed this morning, but then again neither were you,” Eddie says and it sounds like a dig almost.

“Eddie, I’m serious if I don’t have that ring, he’s really gonna know somethings up, please,” Buck begs.

“Alright, I’m out with Christopher right now, but I’ll look for it when we get home and before dinner tonight. You sure you left it here?”

“No, but I’m hoping,” Buck sighs heavily.

“Well when did you notice it missing?” Eddie asks.

“An hour ago, but I don’t know if it was on my finger when I left either,” Buck comments.

Eddie hums and Buck frowns and says, “I know why you’re humming, Eddie and shut it.”

“Okay, okay, don’t worry Buck, if it’s here I’ll find it,” Eddie swears.

“Thank you Eddie,” Buck sighs.

“Your welcome, Buck,” Eddie replies.

Eddie doesn’t text Buck to let him know he’s found the ring and Buck is practically pacing back and forth in the hotel room. 

Finally, there’s a knock on the hotel room door about thirty minutes before Buck is supposed to meet Larry downstairs. When Buck opens the door, it’s Eddie on his knees with the ring held up towards him.

“God you’re so dramatic,” Buck says shaking his head and glancing around the hallway for anyone who might be watching, “Now get off your knees.”

“Nope, not until I put this ring on your finger,” Eddie states.

“Eddie,” Buck hisses.

“Come on give me your hand,” Eddie tells him.

“Eddie.”  
  


“Buck,” Eddie challenges back.

Buck lets out a heavy sigh and gives him his hand causing a wide smile to spread across Eddie’s face as he takes Buck’s hand in his. He slides the ring onto his finger, kissing his hand and finally rising to his feet.

“Satisfied?” Buck asks, rolling his eyes.

“Very. How’d it feel? Different from when Larry did it?” Eddie asks.

“Sure. He didn’t propose on his knees,” Buck replies shortly.

“No?” Eddie questions.

“He’d never get back up,” Buck replies, getting a large chuckle out of Eddie.

Eddie reaches up suddenly to trace the lines of the smile that makes its way onto Buck’s face and Buck shuts his eyes for a moment before jerking away and saying, “Eddie no.”

“Sorry,” Eddie apologizes.

“We’re going down soon, we have to be normal. Larry can’t know,” Buck insists.

“I know that,” Eddie replies quickly.

“Then start acting like it. It was a mistake, a one time thing,” Buck starts whispering quickly.

“It wasn’t a mistake,” Eddie interrupts him forcing Buck to pause, “Maybe it wasn’t ideal and messy, but it wasn’t a mistake, Buck. We both wanted it, can we at least both admit that?”

Buck stares back at him and says, “So what? It doesn’t make a difference.”

“I think it does,” Eddie insists.

“It doesn’t.”  
  


“Buck, when was the last time before last night that you did anything just because you wanted to. Something that didn’t fit into this life of yours?” Eddie asks.

Buck is forced to think about it and comes up blank, finding nothing before Larry. No he’s been working too hard to make this work, to stay in this position.

“Exactly,” Eddie says when he’s silent for too long.

“It’s not important,” Buck huffs, shutting the door of his room behind him and beginning to walk towards the elevator.

“How can it not matter?” Eddie questions.

“It doesn’t,” Buck insists, getting in the elevator alongside Eddie.

“Alright,” Eddie says disbelief in his voice.

Buck crosses his arms over his chest defensively and Eddie smirks to himself and says, “Now you’re pouting cause you know I’m right.”

“I’m not pouting.”

“I’m a dad Buck, I know pouting when I see it and you’re pouting,” Eddie replies.

Buck rolls his eyes and Eddie chuckles to himself as they get off the elevator and begin their walk down to the restaurant.

“Stop following me,” Buck hisses.

Eddie looks at Buck stunned and says, “We’re going to the same place Buck.”

“Well wait behind, I don’t want to arrive with you. It’s suspicious,” Buck tells him.

“Am I supposed to not talk to you at all tonight too then?” Eddie asks.

“Yes,” Buck huffs.

“You can’t be serious?”

“I am.”

“Buck...we’re friends,” Eddie starts.

“We’re not anymore. Friends don’t do what we did, Eddie!”  
  


“I agree but...if we’re not friends we’re more not less,” Eddie tells him.

“We’re not Eddie. We can’t be anything. Not anymore. Not friends, nothing, after tonight we’ll never see each other again and it’ll be over,” Buck sighs.

“Is that really what you want?” Eddie asks.

“It’s what needs to happen.”

“That’s not what I asked.”  
  


Buck looks up at Eddie and bites the inside of his lip before finally saying, “Yes. That’s what I want.”  
  


He quickly turns on his heel and begins walking, not just to get moving, but also so Eddie can’t look at his face longer and see it falter.

He makes it to the restaurant and to Larry’s side as Larry’s fat arm comes to hold him around the waist and he’s introducing him to Eddie’s date.

He tries to remind himself of this fact, that whatever happened Eddie is doing his job with this lady just like he is and he has nothing to feel guilty about. 

Eddie turns up a minute or two later though and this lady is different from the last. She’s more handsy running her hands all over Eddie’s body even pulling him to sit down beside her while they wait. She talks to Larry, but her hands never leave Eddie’s person.

And it starts to piss Buck off. Like really piss him off. She’s touching places Buck’s touched and suddenly desperately wants to touch again.

“Buck,” Larry says, taking him out of his thoughts.

“Sorry? Did you say something?” He asks.

“Not a bright one is he?” Eddie’s date comments.

Larry chuckles and says, “Didn’t really choose him for his brains.”

The two of them laugh together and Buck watches as she nods and then runs her fingers through Eddie’s hair, “I’m lucky enough to have found one with brains and a body to match.”

“I’ll go get us drinks,” Buck whispers and rises from the table and walks over to the bar. He waits for the drinks, ordering Larry and Eddie’s date the martini’s they like and ordering him and Eddie the whiskey he knows they both prefer.

Suddenly he feels a hand on his elbow and looks up to see Eddie at his side.

“What do you want?” Buck sighs.

“To see if you’re okay.”

“I’m fine,” Buck huffs, “It’s none of your concern anyways.”

Eddie frowns and leans up against the bar counter before taking Buck’s hand in his.

“What are you doing?” Buck hisses.

“Holding your hand. They’re over there. There’s no harm,” Eddie hums.

Buck stares down at their hands and bites his bottom lip and squeezes Eddie’s hand in his.

The bartender comes back and slides the drinks to him with a smile before she says, “Oh, is this your husband?” Her eyes dart down to their entwined hands with Buck’s ring.

Buck goes to pull his hand from Eddie’s and open his mouth in a denial before Eddie holds his hand tighter and says, “Yes.”  
  


Buck gives him a look as the bartender smiles wider and says, “You two are such a good looking couple. I bet you have a great story.”

Eddie laughs and says, “An interesting one for sure. Short story is he charmed me with his good looks, good heart, and big brain. I was goner from the get-go.”

The bartender smiles and says, “That’s so sweet.”

“Yeah, well I couldn’t shake him so I guess I had to just stick with him,” Buck sighs playing along.

“Wasn’t gonna let you go so easily,” Eddie muses before taking two of the drinks and saying, “Thank you,” to the bartender. He presses a kiss to Buck’s temple and whispers, “See you back at the table.”

  
Buck’s cheeks flush as he quickly grabs the drinks and nods his own thank you at the bartender and hurries off towards the table behind Eddie handing Larry and the woman their drinks.

Buck’s head races with the conversation at the bar, his hand still warm from Eddie’s touch and Eddie isn’t making it easy cause Buck even though he refuses to look in his direction feels his eyes on him.

When they finally move to the dinner table, Larry corners himself and the woman off for business and Buck and Eddie are left side by side for dinner.

It all starts with the feeling of Eddie’s hand on his knee under the table and him letting it stay there, letting Eddie draw little shapes with his finger against his thigh and knee cap.

It’s quiet though, they barely speak, they don’t need to, and Buck doesn’t want to and Eddie doesn’t try to start a conversation. At least not with words.

They speak through touches underneath the table. Eddie hand on Buck’s knee, and Buck’s hand resting on top of it. It’s comforting and Buck can shut his eyes and imagine for a moment that he’s out to dinner with Eddie, holding his hand cause it’s his to hold and that when this night ends he’s going home to tuck Christopher into bed and hold Eddie in his arms.

But he knows it’s not. He knows this night ends with him never speaking to Eddie again because that’s what he has to do. This night ends with him going back up to his hotel room with Larry pressing him into the bed while he lets his mind drift somewhere else. It ends with Eddie going upstairs with that woman and holding her instead of him. That’s how it really ends.

He can tell the nights coming to an end because Eddie finally takes his hand entirely in his and whispers, “Buck.”  
  


“Eddie, no,” Buck breathes.

  
“Buck…,”

“Don’t. It ends here.”

“But…”

“Please, don’t,” Buck whimpers.

This stops Eddie and he simply feels Eddie’s hand tighten around his, and he himself grips Eddie’s hand tighter cause it’ll be the last time he gets to. 

Larry closes the deal and says, “Alright Buck, what do you say we call it a night?”

Buck looks up and swallows before pulling his hand from Eddie’s and walking back to Larry’s side.

They say quick goodnights and Larry is quick to place his hand on his lower back and begin pushing him towards the direction of the elevators. But not before Buck hesitates and throws one last look over his shoulder at Eddie who stares on, the lines of his face depicting the pain Buck feels.

\---

When Buck gets back to New York he hesitates on Eddie’s number considering whether or not he’ll block it.

He sits there for hours staring at it before he realizes he can’t and shoves the phone in his pocket instead walking the long walk to Hen’s apartment in Brooklynn.

“Buck?” Hen questions when she sees him at her door.

“You were right,” Buck whispers.

“Buck?” Hen questions again.

“About me and Eddie. You were right. I shouldn’t have gotten involved,” he mutters.

She gives him a long look before pulling him into her arms and saying, “I’m sorry Buck.”  
  


“I should have listened to you,” Buck whimpers.

“What exactly happened?” She asks when she leads him over to her couch.

“I slept with him,” Buck huffs.

“Does Larry…,” Hen begins to ask.

  
“No,” Buck answers quickly.

Hen nods and says, “How many times?”

“Just once. I met him for a walk in the park with his son, and I just…,” 

“Fell for the whole hot single dad thing?” Hen laughs.

“Not exactly. I mean kind of but he made me coffee and then he rubbed my leg cause it was sore, and I took off my pants,” Buck starts to explain.

“Naturally,” Hen hums.

“To show him my scar, he’s a trained medic,” Buck hisses.

“Mhmm,” Hen smirks.

“Anyways he was between my legs and he was begging me and I just lost my head,” Buck huffs.

Hen laughs and says, “And what did he say after?”

“Hen, he wants more from me. I don’t know what...but he won’t let it go, he’s…”

“He wants a relationship,” Hen hums.

“No. I mean he didn’t say…,” Buck mutters.

“Did you let him say anything?” Hen asks.

“No. I kept stopping him,” Buck sighs.

“Cause you don’t want him back?” Hen questions.

“I can’t Hen. I’m with Larry and he’s...he’s got his own side thing going.”

“Buck,” Hen starts.

“I told him I’m not doing this anymore. I”m not going to talk to him again. It’s done,” Buck insists.

“And that’s what you want?” Hen asks again.

“It’s what has to happen,” Buck answers.

It works for a while. He ignores every text notification from Eddie. But then he starts to get lonely. Hen is busy with her family, and Larry well, Larry’s never been great company.

So he starts reading the texts, cause it can’t hurt to read the text messages right? He won’t reply. He’ll just read.

The first couple are Eddie just trying to get him to talk, but he gives up on that and eventually just sends updates on his life.

Sometimes it’s stories from his job or something he watched on TV, most of the time it’s what’s going on with Christopher. And Buck yearns for both of them. He misses talking to Eddie about his day and he wants to talk about Christopher with Eddie rather than just hearing about him.

But he doesn’t respond and he doesn’t respond, just reads the texts.

Then after about three months of this, a different kind of text comes in.

**Eddie:** I know you’re ignoring me. I know you said this is done. You probably don’t even read these.

 **Eddie:** I’m coming to New York next week though Tuesday through Friday. Firefighter conference. I won’t bother you. Don’t worry. But I’ll be staying at the Warwick in Midtown. Nothing fancy. Just if you know...change your mind.

 **Eddie:** Christopher says hi by the way.

Buck runs his eyes over these texts at least a hundred times his heart racing. It’s one thing to ignore Eddie when he’s far away in Texas. But now he’s going to be here, not far and Buck can’t sleep the whole rest of the week. He tosses and turns and he can tell Larry is getting annoyed with his restlessness. Buck thinks it’s even the reason he decides to take a trip upstate for business for the week and it just becomes a perfect storm. Larry being away and Eddie being in New York.

Tuesday rolls around and he keeps telling himself he won’t go. He won’t. This is done and he’s doing well. He needs to stay put.

And he does. For Tuesday.

But then Wednesday rolls around and he just knows by noon there’s no way he will last till Friday. Larry’s gone, Hen isn’t around, and there’s literally nothing there to stop him from acting irrationally.

He hopes the walk to the hotel will be enough to dissuade him, but it’s even shorter than his normal walks. It takes less than 45 minutes to get there. Of course, he hesitates outside the hotel for a while, but he eventually walks into the lobby.

He hesitates there too. He’ll have to ask the lady at the front desk for the room number. So he paces around for a while before walking up there.

“How can I help you?” She asks.

“Uh...I’m supposed to go up to my…,” he hesitates before he says, “boyfriend’s room. He didn’t give me the room number though.”

“What’s the name?”

“Eddie or Edmundo Diaz?” Buck says.

She types quickly into the computer and says, “Just need his date of birth and phone number to give you that info.”  
  


Buck nods and says, “April 22nd, 1987,” and then he gives her the number and she says, “He’s in room 738.”

Buck thanks her and makes his way to the elevator, he thinks about getting off several times but he rides it up to the seventh floor and walks down the hallway till he finds the door with 738 on it.

He hesitates there too, just for a moment before he knocks on the door. He waits for a minute and no one answers.

He curses at himself. Of course, Eddie’s out. He’s here for work and it’s noon.

Buck starts to head back towards the elevator before he stops again and realizes just how pathetic he really is and walks back.

He slides down against Eddie’s door and sits outside it. The only good part about the three hours he sits there is that nobody else seems to show up. The floor is somehow deserted.

His leg falls asleep and he’s feeling a whole brand new sort of pathetic when the elevator dings and he panics cause now people are gonna see him. But when the people get off it’s Eddie and some guy and that only sets the panic off more and Buck has nowhere to run.

Eddie’s laughing with the shorter guy before he looks up and spots Buck standing in front of his door and stops in his tracks.

“Buck,” Eddie whispers.

“Hey,” Buck sighs and then glances at the guy beside Eddie.

“This is Buck?” The guy asks, “damn Eddie, you weren’t kidding.”  
  


Buck swallows uncomfortably before offering his hand out, “Buck.”

  
“Oh, I know. He doesn’t shut up about you and if he’s not talking about you, Christopher is. It’s maddening,” the guy says shaking his hand.

Buck’s eyes dart to Eddie who just stares at him like he’s in disbelief that he’s actually here.

“And you’re?” Buck asks.

“Chimney,” the guy answers, “Guess I didn’t come up.”

“No, you did. Just didn’t know it was you,” Buck answers quickly.

Chimney chuckles before glancing over at Eddie and asking, “Eddie you good?”

“Uh...yeah, I’m fine, uh…, I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Chimney,” Eddie replies quickly.

Chimney gives him a look and says, “Alright, you two play nice,” he comments before walking further down the hall to his room.

They’re silent till Chimney shuts the door and Eddie says, “You didn’t answer any of my texts.”

“I know. I meant what I said about this not going any further,” Buck replies.

“Then what are you doing here, Buck?” Eddie questions.

Buck swallows and then steps forward and looks down into Eddie’s face for a moment before sighing, “I really don’t know.”

It’s not long before Buck has Eddie’s face in his hands and Eddie is leaning into his touch.

“Buck,” Eddie whispers.

Buck leans down and presses his lips to Eddie’s starting the kiss as something soft, slow, and gentle.

He feels Eddie’s arms wrap around his waist as the kiss goes on and Buck pulls away slowly and feels Eddie drop his head to his shoulder.

“Buck it’s...it’s not just…,” Eddie starts.

“I know,” Buck replies.

“For you…,” Eddie begins again.

“I don’t know yet. I just...need you,” Buck mutters.

“Need you too. Whatever you have to give I...I need it,” Eddie sighs, his fingertips starting to make their way underneath Buck’s shirt.

Buck nods and whispers, “Room then.”

Eddie fumbles with his pocket for the keycard before inserting it and entering with Buck.

It’s a simple room and as soon as the door shuts Buck and Eddie are on each other again kissing hungrily while they shred clothes and fall onto the bed. Buck’s lips depart from Eddie’s in a groan as he kisses gently along his shoulder.

Eddie lets out a heavenly sigh as Buck just lets his lips linger on every inch of skin they can reach, spending time to trace the shape of Eddie’s jutting hip bones before pulling down his boxers.

It’s not quick, it’s slow, the way Buck takes his time with the foreplay, the way when they finally join together it’s not this mad hunger like Buck thought it might be out of not seeing each other for so long. No, it’s slow and gentle like they have forever to do this. That they’ll get to do it again and again. Even as Buck’s brain screams out that it’s not the case. That this moment is fleeting. He doesn’t get to keep Eddie.

But it’s forgotten when after the sex is finished, he sits up against the headboard with Eddie’s head resting against his chest and their fingers intertwined.

“You came,” Eddie whispers.

“Yeah a few times,” Buck replies.

Eddie laughs loudly at that and says, “No. I mean you came here. You showed up.”  
  


“Yeah. I don’t know what it means though, Eddie. It probably can’t mean anything,” Buck says.

Eddie sighs and kisses the tattoo on Buck’s chest and says, “I’m not asking for you to drop your whole life, Buck. I just...I want...I want a piece.”  
  


“I don’t know what pieces I have to give, Eddie. Our lives, they’re complicated,” Buck tells him.

“I know, but...I don’t want you to ignore me again. I’m...I’m here...I need you to be here,” Eddie whispers.

“I don’t know what that means, Eddie.”  
  


“It means I need you to reply to my damn texts at least. I need to at least have what we had before the sex,” Eddie huffs angrily.

“I’m getting married, Eddie,” Buck replies.

“I don’t care if we never do this part again. I just...I need you to talk to me again,” Eddie shouts.

“I don’t know if I can do that,” Buck says.

“We did it before.”  
  


“Yeah, but that was before.”

“Why is it so hard to just go back?”

  
“Because I don’t want to,” Buck shouts back, “I know what this feels like. I don’t want less. I want more.”   
  
“You can…”

“I can’t though, Eddie.”  
  


“So what? It’s all or nothing?” Eddie fumes.

“It has to be.”  
  


“Then what was this?” Eddie yells at him now sitting up and glaring down at Buck.

“It…”

“It’s not friendship, it’s not sex, it’s not a relationship, it’s all or nothing with you, and this isn’t nothing, Buck,” Eddie tells him, “Whatever it is, it’s not nothing.”  
  


Buck sees the anger forming lines in Eddie’s face and he runs his thumb over the creases in Eddie’s forehead.

“I don’t know what this is Eddie. I...I don’t know what I’m doing. I just know I needed to see you and have whatever came with it,” Buck whispers.

Eddie sighs and rubs at his face, “I need to know what you want.”  
  


“What do you want Eddie?” Buck calls out, “I don’t know what you want either.”

“I want you,” Eddie grumbles.

“I’m right here.”  
  


“All of you,” Eddie retorts quickly.

“You know I can’t…,” Buck starts.

“But you can give me more than just nothing. You can do that,” Eddie insists.

Buck swallows and whispers, “I just need some time to figure out what...what I can do...what I can give and what I want or need.”

Eddie shakes his head and throws himself down on the bed beside Buck and huffs out, “Fine.”

Buck looks down at Eddie and whispers, “Eddie.”  
  
“What?” Eddie huffs not opening his eyes to look up at Buck.

“Can I figure it out here?” Buck asks softly.

Eddie peers up at Buck and questions, “What?”

“Can I stay here and figure it out with you?” Buck asks.

Eddie blinks and whispers, “You’re not leaving?”

“Not unless you say I have to,” Buck replies.

“You can...you can stay, Buck…,” Eddie tells him before adding, “I want you to stay.”

Buck nods and slides down to lay beside Eddie, pressing into his side, his head resting on his shoulder, his arm slung around his waist.

Eddie leans his head down against Buck’s and wraps his arm around Buck holding him tight against his side.

“How can this ever work out well, Eddie?” Buck asks.

“It could Buck. I’m not saying it wouldn’t be difficult, but it can work,” Eddie sighs.

“How are you so sure?”

  
“I’m not, but I’m not given many assurances in life so this is typical for me.”

“I’m in control of my life right now. I’m finally in control,” Buck whispers.

“You’re not though, Buck. Larry is.”  
  


“I chose that though, I controlled that,” Buck argues.

“Yeah, but it’s not what you want. You’re just scared of an alternative.”

“Which is?” Buck asks.

“The unknown. Not being secure. You’d rather be secure and unhappy than happy and facing the unknown.”

“The unknown only ever hurt me. I’ve got a reason to fear it,” Buck huffs.

“And you also have a reason to take a chance on it. A chance to be happy.”

Buck blinks and says, “For how long though. How long till the shoe drops and I’m back where I started?”

“I don’t know who you think I am, but I don’t exactly let people into my life easily. I wouldn’t be trying so hard and letting you near Christopher if I wasn’t serious.”

Buck swallows cause he knows that Eddie wouldn’t let just anyone meet Christopher and that only makes this more complicated. Eddie has Christopher and he’s gonna mess this all up for sure.

“I know that,” Buck sighs, “Should have probably never met him. I’ll only disappoint.”

“Buck, what exactly do you see your life going as? What, you marry this guy and you wait till he dies and then you start to live your life?” Eddie questions.

“I don’t know maybe?” Buck mutters.

“Don’t you think you deserve more?”

Buck’s silent and Eddie sighs heavily, “Well you do Buck. You deserve a real husband, not some elderly old man you’re waiting to drop dead. You deserve a family. Kids.”  
  


“Who says I want kids?” Buck mumbles.

Eddie gives him a look like he must be stupid and Buck feels the flush rise to his cheeks.

“I’ve seen you with Christopher, Buck. You want kids.”

Buck swallows and says, “I like kids. Doesn’t necessarily mean I want them myself.”

  
Eddie hums and Buck says, “I’d be a terrible dad. I mean, I’m just a brainless kid, who sleeps with people for money.”

“What am I, Buck?” Eddie asks. 

“What?”

“Am I a terrible dad too? I mean I have the same job as you do. Only yours is more stable. You have one guy, I rotate through a bunch of women.”

“You’re...you’re not a bad dad, Eddie. You’re a really great one. You’re not me. I’m a stupid kid, you’re not. You’re smart and you’re…”

“You’re not a stupid kid, Buck. You’re not stupid at all. These disgusting rich assholes like Larry say that shit, but they don’t know. Buck, you’re smart, you are, you’re no different than me. You were a firefighter too, we did the same job.”

“Fucking screwed that up too,” Buck sniffs as Eddie’s hand strokes his cheek.

“You didn’t screw it up, Buck. A truck fell on you.”  
  
Buck swallows and turns his head to kiss the inside of Eddie’s wrist and whispers, “I still know I wouldn’t be good at it. Responsibility, I’ve never been great at being accountable to myself or anyone else for that matter. Think you kind of need that as a parent.”

“Think you kind of need those things as a firefighter too,” Eddie hums his fingers moving to card through Buck’s hair.

Buck swallows and mutters, “Maybe. But I wasn’t always a good firefighter.”

“You know what the key to being a parent is?” Eddie asks after a while.

“Hmm…,” Buck hums.

“Showing up. Just being around, caring is a big part too. No one cares more than you. I bet you read every text I sent you,” Eddie says.

“I tried not to...but...it was really unfair to use Christopher to try and get me to respond,” Buck sighs heavily.

“That’s not why I texted you stuff about him. I just thought you’d want to know...about him,” Eddie whispers.

Buck bites his lip and nods slowly, “I did. I...he’s a good kid...I missed him...and you.”

“He misses you too. Still asks about you, plays with the kaleidoscope every day, sleeps with it on his bedside table. Even took it to show and tell,” Eddie tells him.

Buck chuckles and entwines his hand with Eddie’s and says, “I loved those types of things as a kid. And maybe a little now.”

Eddie laughs and brushes back Buck’s hair with his free hand, and kisses his forehead, and sighs, “I missed you too you know?”

Buck sucks in on his bottom lip trying to stop the smile that pulls at the corner of his lips and rolls on top of Eddie so that he’s staring straight down into his face.

“Yeah?” Buck asks, pushing Eddie’s hair away from his face.

“A lot,” Eddie whispers.

Buck brushes his lips against Eddie’s and whispers, “Me too. A lot.”

Eddie’s hands move down Buck’s back and whispers, “You’re gonna at least let me keep you for the rest of the time I’m here right.”

“I am. I’m all yours for now,” Buck breathes tightening his arms around Eddie’s waist.

“For now it’s enough.”

“It won’t always be, though.”

“No,” Eddie sighs heavily.

“I wish I’d met you before. When I was a firefighter when I was whole and less of a mess.”

“You’re whole to me and maybe this is messy, and you’re messy, but I have my own mess too, and l...I like you the way you are now, Buck.”

Buck swallows and kisses along Eddie’s jaw and whispers, “I like you the way you are now too.”

“I’ve got conference things to go to tomorrow, but you’ll...you’ll stay here?” Eddie questions.

“I’ll stay here,” Buck agrees.

“And you’ll go...with me to lunch and dinner, maybe,” Eddie asks, sounding nervous to Buck.

“Of course,” Buck hums, pecking Eddie’s lips before rolling off of him and cuddling into Eddie’s side.

\---

Eddie pulls Buck closer to him because he wants to have him while he can. Buck’s his for now, but he can still sense that he’s still ready to bolt at a moment's notice. He knows if Larry showed back up, Buck would go running and he can’t say it doesn’t sting. 

He wants to be enough, but he knows he isn’t. He’s used to that though. Not being enough. It’s why he has to do what he does, cause his job as a firefighter doesn’t cut it for what Christopher needs and he knows he couldn’t even come close, even doing what he does, to giving Buck what he’s got now.

But Eddie vows to try, so when he gets a break from the conferences the next day he goes with Buck to Buck’s favorite spot in Chelsea. They take the subway since Eddie doesn’t have the time to just walk all of New York with him. But they walk around all the spots Buck wants to show him while eating hot dogs and it’s nice. It’s simple, and Eddie gets to hold Buck’s hand as he talks about the history of it all.

Eddie thinks the best part of it is that Buck seems uninhibited in a way he’s never quite been. Even in the park with Christopher, there was some apprehension, but here Buck seems like he’s just himself and here with Eddie, no strings.

Maybe it’s why when Buck is talking about a particular mural, Eddie cuts him off with a deep kiss that lingers with Buck’s arms wrapped around him and Eddie’s fingers lost in his hair.

When he finally pulls himself from the kiss Buck’s face is lit up in a wide smile, a flush obvious across his cheeks.

“What was that for?” Buck questions.

“Just wanted to and I get to right now, so I took full advantage,” Eddie replies.

Buck chuckles and says, “I like when you take advantage.”

“Me too,” Eddie hums going for another quick kiss before they continue on their walk.

When he gets back to the conference he probably looks like an escaped lunatic cause Chimney finally says, “God you’ve got it bad.”

“What?” Eddie questions.

“That boy has you so far gone. You’re smiling. You never smile,” Chimney comments.

“I smile,” Eddie complains.

“Yeah, at Christopher and the occasional dog, but normally you just scowl. Now you look like the joker with the permanent smile that’s on your face,” Chimney says.

  
“Shut up,” Eddie huffs.

“Have you two at least talked rather than just ended up naked in bed?” Chimney asks.

“Not that it’s any of your business or anything, but yes, we’ve talked.”

“So does this happy glow mean he’s leaving his old man fiance?” Chimney questions.

“No. He...he doesn’t know. He says he’s figuring it out.”  
  
“I thought you talked.”   
  
“We have. And he said he’d take this time to figure it out, he asked if he could still hang around me while he did and I said yes, cause yeah I really don’t want him to go either. Especially if he’s gonna end this for real,” Eddie sighs.

“Well did you tell him how you feel?” Chimney pries.

“Yes, I told him how I feel.”

“That you love him?” Chimney questions.

“Who says I love him?” Eddie asks.

“Your face for one,” Chimney sighs.

“I...I don’t know that it’s love...it’s just…,” Eddie pauses and then sighs heavily, “Okay maybe I love him. But even if I do, I can’t tell him that. He’s a flight risk and if I tell him he’ll bolt for sure. I just need to ease him into the idea that maybe there can be something.”  
  
“Sounds like you're setting yourself up to get hurt, Eddie,” Chimney huffs.

“You don’t know him, he's not...he’s not a jerk. He’s good, he’s just...we both have a lot at stake. There’s a lot I can’t give him.”

“You’re a great guy, Eddie. Don’t you think you deserve someone willing to risk a little for you?” Chimney sighs.

“Come to dinner with us. Just...meet him. He’s really not the way you think he is,” Eddie comments.

“Fine,” Chimney says, “I’ll talk to him. But I really think you’re making a mistake here, Eddie.”

When Eddie gets up to the room, he tells Buck he made dinner plans with Chimney and he watches Buck’s face drop.

“Oh, okay. I’ll just order in or something, no big deal,” Buck says quickly.

“What? Buck, no we’re going out to dinner with Chimney, you and me,” Eddie responds just as fast.

“Oh...Are you sure? I mean...he’s your friend and if you two want to just hang out, I don’t want to be a burden,” Buck whispers.

Eddie suddenly realizes the problem is that Buck isn’t normally brought along as anything but to show off, and to sit quietly in the corner while Larry does business.

“No, Buck. I want you to come. I want him to meet you,” Eddie explains.

Buck processes this before saying, “I...but Eddie, he’s your best friend, and what if...God, what if he hates me?”

“You’ve faced the wolves that Larry goes to dinner with, and you’re scared of the likes of Chimney?” Eddie laughs.

“Well, Larry’s wolves don’t talk to me. I’m just supposed to keep quiet and get the drinks. I’m assuming I’m supposed to converse with Chimney,” Buck counters.

“Well yeah, but you just gotta be you, that’s all,” Eddie shrugs.

“That’s not as easy as it sounds. I mean...I don’t want him to hate me and myself isn’t always…,” Buck sighs.

“I like you and Chimney likes me, so there shouldn’t be a problem,” Eddie tries.

“That’s not how it works really. People hate the people their friends like all the time,” Buck replies.

Eddie sighs heavily and says, “I promise Buck. It’ll be fine. You’re great, really.”

Buck blushes and whispers, “Fine. But you gotta be honest with me after, or if I do or say something wrong, stop me. I...just tell me whether I did alright, don’t let me think he’s alright with me when he’s really not.”

Eddie frowns but nods in agreement, “I will, Buck. Swear it.”

Buck gives a shy smile before getting up and saying, “I’ll get dressed then.”

Eddie can tell Buck’s nervous the whole ride down to the lobby and the short walk to the restaurant. He’s playing with his hands and when Eddie finally manages to grab one he still fidgets.

“Buck, I promise. It’s fine,” Eddie says before leaning over and pressing a quick kiss to his cheek.

“I know it’s just...He’s your best friend,” Buck shrugs.

“You weren’t like this when you met Christopher,” Eddie offers.

“Well kids naturally like me. They sense that I’m one of them. Plus I brought him a present,” Buck starts.

“A very expensive present,” Eddie comments.

“I didn’t bring Chimney anything,” Buck continues.

Eddie laughs at this and says, “I’m sure he’ll forgive you.”

Just like Eddie knew he would, Buck comes alive once they finally greet Chimney with Eddie quickly saying, “Sorry, if we’re late Chim. Buck started fretting that he didn’t get you a gift like Christopher.”

Chimney laughs good-naturedly, though he looks at Eddie speculatively like he doesn’t quite believe him, which is understandable cause it’s such a silly thing for Buck to be worried over.

“I’m not sure a kaleidoscope would be quite as entertaining to me,” Chimney jokes as they sit down, “Christopher loves it though. Practically carries it with him everywhere.”

“My charms really only extend to children,” Buck chuckles.

“What’s Eddie's excuse then?” Chimney asks.

“Young at heart,” Buck shrugs and reaches over as if on instinct to take Eddie’s hand in his.

“Would have to be to keep up with you in the slightest,” Eddie huffs.

As the night goes on it’s clear that Buck is trying and is making some inroads with Chimney, but it doesn’t seem sealed until sometime after Eddie comes back to the table from the bathroom later in the night.

When he comes back Buck and Chimney are chatting away, but when he shows up, Buck and Chimney both seem to end the conversation with a short nod.

“What were you two talking about?” Eddie asks sitting back down.

“Nothing too big. Mostly just comparing tattoos and firefighting stories,” Chimney says.

“He tell you how he got the nickname, Chimney?” Eddie asks.

“No, no, Eddie. If you tell that one I could tell a few embarrassing barbs about you as well,” Chimney pipes up quickly which causes them both to go tight-lipped.

Buck goes to the bathroom before they leave and Eddie looks to Chimney and asks, “So?”

Chimney sighs and says, “Alright. You were right. He’s...he’s good.”

“The tattoo talk and firefighting war stories change that much?” Eddie asks.

Chimney shrugs and says, “We talked about other stuff...and he’s just...He’s sort of hard not to like.”

“Tell me about it,” Eddie sighs.

Chimney is quiet for a moment before he speaks again, “He’s kind of lonely too isn’t he?”

“Is he?” Eddie asks.

“Yeah, he just...I mean you’ve always needed someone willing to live in your troubles, not try to outright fix them. I’m not saying you're stuck or anything, but he...he kind of is...stuck.”

“Yeah,” Eddie nods.

“He’s really not what I thought he’d be, Eddie. Don’t know exactly what I thought, but I figured he’d be arrogant, careless, and closed off. Someone who’d break your heart and run.”

“And your talk changed your mind on that?” Eddie asks.

“Yeah, he’s just...he’s sweet, vulnerable, and lost, I guess. He doesn’t know what he wants, he’s just like trying to survive,” Chimney comments.

“We all are.”  
  


“No, it’s different with him. It’s like he hasn’t let himself want anything in a long time cause he’s just been trying to survive. It’s kind of sad, Eddie.”

“What did you guys talk about?” Eddie asks.

“Different things. His family, my family, his old job, his fiance, my ex, you.”

“Me?” Eddie questions.

“I think you should tell him, Eddie. You know how you actually feel,” Chimney starts.

“He’ll run,” Eddie says shaking his head.

“I...Maybe...I’m not so sure. I just...I don’t think anyone’s told him before.”

“He’ll bolt, Chimney,” Eddie sighs.

“At first maybe, but it just might be the thing that changes things. I don’t know if you have a chance otherwise, Eddie. He’s really stuck. He needs a wake-up call, that might just be it,” Chimney offers.

Eddie thinks about that as they say goodbye and as they walk back towards the hotel, and until they’re back in his hotel room.

“So?” Buck asks, “How’d I do?”

“He thinks you're great. To be honest he wasn’t so keen on you before tonight. You really turned it around,” Eddie chuckles taking off his jacket and tossing it on a nearby chair.

“Really? He liked me?” Buck asks.

“He did,” Eddie smiles before moving into Buck’s space, encircling him in his arms, “Hard not to.”

Buck smiles and kisses him gently before he whispers, “He’s good too. I like him. Reminds me of Hen a bit, I think they’d get along.”

They pull away and get settled into bed with Buck pressing into his side, his head resting against Eddie’s chest for a moment before he whispers, “Eddie...Can I ask you something?”

“Sure,” Eddie answers nervously.

“You only do the whole escort thing with women right?” Buck questions.

“Yeah,” Eddie says.

“Why? If you’re bi and like both....,” Buck says.

“I don’t feel in control with a man. Besides they almost all want a bottom,” Eddie hums.

“But you’re a bottom with me,” Buck says, sounding confused.

“Yeah, cause I don’t need to be in control with you. I trust you. I don’t normally bottom, but I knew it’d be fine with you,” Eddie replies, fingers moving through Buck’s hair.

“Do you prefer to top?” Buck asks.

Eddie shrugs and says, “I guess. Only cause I’ve mostly topped. I’ve only bottomed for like three people, the only two before you were a long time ago when I first slept with men. After I didn’t have to figure out what it was all about I didn’t do it. But with you, I knew giving up that control would be okay to do.”

“Cause you trust me,” Buck quotes him.

“Yeah,” Eddie answers.

“I normally bottom.” Buck comments.

“In your line of work, I’d assume so,” Eddie replies.

“So you thought I’d want to top?” Buck asks.

“I figured everyone puts you in a place of submission. Figured I’d give you some control. Besides I was the one begging you, figured if I was asking for something, I should at least give you the control of it,” Eddie hums.

Buck mauls this over and whispers, “I like topping you.”

Eddie hums, “I like it too. Giving control to someone else and not being terrified to do so, it’s nice.”

“I’d let you top me too though. Not cause I have to or am supposed to or anything, but cause I trust you too,” Buck whispers.

Eddie looks down at Buck who’s blinking up at him with bright blue eyes and he can see the trust so clear in them as he bends down and presses his lips to his.

“Buck...I need to tell you something and...I’m probably gonna fuck this up and you’re gonna run,” Eddie says as he pulls away and shakes his head, “But Chimney thinks I should be honest and just tell you.”

When he looks down at Buck again he sees the doubt and fear in his eyes, like he’s waiting for the gut-punch, the hard-hit of something terrible to come.

It’s only then that he realizes that this, that he and Buck might not be a lost cause. There’s a chance because Buck is looking at him scared. Not because he thinks Eddie’s about to tell him he loves him, but because he’s expecting to have his heartbroken. And if Eddie can break his heart, it means he has at least a bit of Buck’s heart. Then there’s how worried Buck was about Chimney liking him. Why would he be so concerned about Chimney liking him if he was planning to run?

“Buck...I’m...fuck...I’m in love with you,” Eddie says way too quickly but it’s made contact. He can tell cause he sees it wash over Buck slowly. The way it runs over the gears in his head twists around again and again and finally comes to rest, just barely visible in his eyes.

“You’re...you’re in love with me,” Buck’s voice finally says, in a tone that’s ragged and rough, and more like a croak than a full verbalization.

“Yes. I’m...I’m in love with you, Buck,” Eddie repeats.

Buck swallows and Eddie can tell he’s gone stiff and his mind is going a mile a minute.

“I...feel like I want to run,” Buck whispers, “But like you said that’s so predictable.”

“If you feel like you need to run and get away, Buck, you should. I’m not gonna force you to stay here. You should feel comfortable. I’m not going to be the guy who makes you feel uncomfortable and forces you to stay with someone if you don’t love them back,” Eddie replies.

“I never said I don’t,” Buck refutes quickly, his brows knitting together.

Eddie blinks up at him for a moment before a grin starts to settle on his face.

Buck sees this and his frown grows deeper as he reads the look Eddie’s giving him.

“I didn’t say I do either,” Buck adds quickly as Eddie’s smirk grows wider, “Stop smiling like that,” Buck complains weakly hitting Eddie’s shoulder.

“I’m not saying anything,” Eddie replies.

“Well your face is smug and unattractive,” Buck huffs, settling back against the pillows with his arms folded across his chest.

“I’m not trying to be either,” Eddie sighs and glances over at Buck who while in a different mood than he was previously is still sitting beside him in bed.

They’re quiet for a while and Eddie says, “You know I’m not expecting anything from you right? I’m not expecting you to say it back.”

“Good,” Buck replies quickly, causing Eddie to grin again.

“Okay,” Eddie hums and lays down.

He feels Buck glance at him shortly and after a while he finally says, “No one's ever said it before.”

“No one?” Eddie asks.

Buck shakes his head and says, “I’ve never had many serious relationships, and I mean...Larry’s said it I guess, but I’m not dumb, I know he doesn’t mean it.”

“But you believe me right? You believe that I mean it?” Eddie asks.

“I believe that maybe you think you might be,” Buck replies.

Eddie runs it over in his head and comments, “Well I do mean it. I love you.”

Buck swallows and says, “How do you know?”

“I don’t know, I just feel it,” Eddie sighs.

“What do you feel? Like...I don’t get it, Eddie. What do you feel for me that nobody else has?” Buck whispers.

Eddie bites his bottom lip and moves to rest his chin against Buck’s arm, peering up at him gently, “Like I want you in my life, all the time. Like I’d let you into any part of my life because I want you there. Like I could trust you to be there when I need you most or Christopher needs you. Like I want to be able to do the simplest things with you and I’d be happy. Things like holding your hand, eating cereal together in the morning, falling asleep next to you, watching a movie, all these things that seem so simple and silly. I get happy thinking about doing them with you. That’s what it feels like.”

Buck is quiet for a moment before he rubs at his eyes and whispers, “I just...I need some time to think, Eddie.”

“I know, Buck. Everything is complicated, I don’t even know if I expect anything. I just...I wanted you to know,” Eddie sighs.

Buck nods and says, “Thank you. For you know, telling me.”

“Of course,” Eddie whispers back, rolling onto his back to stare up at the ceiling.

Buck goes quiet again for a while before his voice comes out in a soft whisper, “Eddie?”

“Yeah?” Eddie asks.

“While I’m thinking and all...Can I…Can I still cuddle with you?” Buck asks softly.

Eddie feels his face pull into an uncontrollable smile as he nods, “Yeah, we can still cuddle. Come here, Buck.”  
  


Buck settles down into his arms, his own wrapped tightly around Eddie as he nestles in. Eddie kisses Buck’s forehead gently before settling into sleep.

\---

Buck is stunned by how easily Eddie leaves in the morning, leaning down to kiss him before he sets out. There’s no pressure, nothing, though when he leaves the room he comes back five seconds later to add, “I love you,” before he exits again.

The words rest in Buck’s chest and fill him up and he ends up calling Hen to meet up with her for lunch, texting Eddie that he’s got something to do but will be around for dinner later.

“So, what’s going on Buck? More Eddie drama? Sleep with him again?” Hen hums laughing to herself as she sips her water.

“I mean yeah, but...Hen, he said...he said he loves me,” Buck tells her.

Hen blinks at him and says, “He said he loves you.”  
  


“Yeah,” Buck whispers trying to fight the smile that comes to his face as he thinks about it.

“Did you say it back?” Hen asks quickly.

“No...I said I had to think about some stuff…,” Buck whispers.

“And what’d he say to that?” Hen questions.

“He said he wasn’t pressuring me for an answer. He just wanted me to know,” Buck replies.

Hen processes this and says, “Okay, Buck I know this is all very complicated, but please tell me you’re seriously considering it.”

“I thought you were going to scold me. You’re telling me to go for it?” Buck asks.

“I’m telling you that, Eddie sounds like he could be something. Something real and that your life is complicated and so is his, but you have a chance to be actually happy. Like real happy Buck. So yeah, I think you should go for it,” Hen sighs, “Unless...Do you not love him too? Is this just…”

“No, it’s not just...but...Hen I haven’t been with or wanted someone so much in so long. And he has a kid, and everyone falls out of love with me eventually, and he’s perfect, him and Christopher both are,” Buck explains quickly.

“You’re scared,” Hen sighs.

“Yeah,” Buck huffs, “Nothing has gone right in my life, Hen. Why should this be any different?”

“Because you shouldn’t give up, Buck. I’m not saying it’s simple, but I’m saying struggling to have something good might be worth the possibility of it not working out. A chance of real happiness is worth a lot, Buck. And it sounds like you really have something here,” Hen tells him.

“This Larry thing. It’s not so simple to get out of.”

“I know, maybe you don’t have to right away. But you shouldn’t end this with Eddie. Whatever work you need to do, you should do it,” Hen supplies.

Buck listens and a small smile comes to his face before he swallows and whispers, “I really love him, Hen. I really want to be with him,” Buck sniffs, “I haven’t felt like this in forever or maybe ever, it’s so...He’s so…”

“I know baby,” Hen sighs and rubs his hand, “I’m happy for you.”

“It’s gonna be so messy and difficult,” Buck mutters.

“Most things worth fighting for are,” Hen replies.

So Buck goes back to the hotel with a decision to try and make this work in his head. And the words I love you float in his chest and make a home in his throat as he waits for Eddie to return. 

It’s truthfully ridiculous the way Buck throws himself at Eddie when he returns to the room, talking sort of glibly about the conference. Buck practically rushes him, throwing his arms around him and pulling him into a deep kiss that stops Eddie’s words in his tracks and takes nearly all the air from his lungs too.

“Wha...What was that for?” Eddie asks, fighting off the wide smile that threatens to cause his entire face to break open in response.

“I just...I missed you. I’m glad you’re back here,” Buck says, swallowing around the three words he needs to say back to Eddie.

Eddie smiles shyly though and says, “Well I missed you too. Uh...What were you thinking for dinner tonight?” He asks.

“Kind of feels like just staying in the room. Ordering room service. Feel like just staying in bed with you,” Buck tells him.

Eddie nods and says, “I think I can oblige.”

So they settle in for a night in, which means ordering a pair of burgers from room service and eating them in bed together. It’s so simple and domestic and Buck feels the words threatening to escape his lips every single second.

But it doesn’t come out until Eddie reaches across and wipes away a bit of ketchup from the corner of his mouth and says, “You and Christopher. Can’t help but miss your mouths can you?” Eddie laughs.

It comes out in a winded rush that makes it a wonder that Eddie catches the words at all.

“Iloveyou,” Buck says in no more than one breath and no more than a single second.

Eddie blinks at him for a moment before he says, “You what?” But his smile tells that he’s absolutely heard it.

Buck swallows nervously and bites his bottom lips before repeating himself, slowly this time, “I love you, Eddie.”

He’s met with silence for a second before Eddie finally says, “You love me.”

“I love you,” Buck nods.

Eddie smiles for real this time, letting it take over his entire face before he says, “I love you too.”

“I don’t...I don’t know what to do, Eddie. It’s not simple,” Buck starts.

“I know. I know that Buck,” Eddie replies.

“I can’t just call this off. It...It won’t be...It won’t be fixed for a while,” Buck whispers.

“I know, Buck. I just...I want something. I want more than just when we happen to be around or just texts, or you ignoring me,” Eddie says.

“I want that too...It’s just gonna take a while before we’re...on the same page though,” Buck whispers.

“But you’re going to try. You’re going to try us?” Eddie asks.

“Yeah, I’ll...I’ll figure something out. Not just little things like this. I’ll find a way to spend more time in Texas and get to where there’s nothing but, us. But for a while it’s gonna have to be a bit of a hassle,” Buck explains.

“I can live with that. As long as you promise, that at the end of it we’re gonna be something real,” Eddie replies.

“If you want me then…”

“I want you, Buck. I...I love you.”  
  


“I love you too,” Buck blushes, still getting used to that pure admission, “I just need to get things with Larry into position. But I’ll be around more and I won’t ignore you anymore. I promise.”  
  


“Okay,” Eddie nods before finally whispering, “Then I can live with things being difficult for a while. As long as the difficulty is working towards something.”

“It will be. I promise,” Buck says, taking Eddie’s hand in his.

“Then let's do complicated,” Eddie smiles, squeezing Buck’s hand tightly in his own.

So they come to an agreement. Buck and Eddie are something, something real, and they leave not desperate and miserable and fearing this is the end, but instead with the hope of finally being on their way to something good together. 

The plan becomes more formed the week after with Buck coming up with excuses to go down to Texas or just travel without Larry, like visiting his cousins and starting a new hobby. The one he comes up with is art collecting. Larry seems to buy it and only comments that he’s glad Buck’s found a new hobby that’ll keep him out of his way and use up all that restless energy that made it unbearable to sleep next to him the previous week.

The art collecting hobby serves as more than just an excuse to be out of town, but also to take large amounts of money with him and start saving for when he finally makes his break. He basically just opens a few separate accounts under fake business names that sound like art houses and transfers money between them so that it looks legit on Larry’s accounts, not that he even checks them or cares all that much about the money outflow.

It's been two weeks since the last time Buck saw Eddie that he jumps on a plane down to Texas.

He practically races through the airport to baggage claim before he suddenly feels anxiety fill him, and it causes him to slow down.

Eddie said he’d pick him up. But something could have come up. He has Christopher and a real job and other responsibilities.

He glances at his phone and sees no text from Eddie saying he can’t make it or that he’s running late, but maybe he didn’t even have time for that either.

So he dawdles a bit, considers stopping at one of the fast-food places on the way to put off going to baggage claim. But eventually, he forces himself onto the escalator down, keeping his head low. But when he finally looks up he spots Eddie and Christopher craning their heads to look for him.

His chest fills and he sprints at that point until he practically crashes into Eddie with enough force to nearly send them to the ground. Eddie catches him in his arms though squeezing him tightly before whispering softly in his ear when he realizes Buck is in no hurry to let go and is in fact crying against his shoulder a little.

“Hey. Hey, you’re here. You’re here now it’s okay,” Eddie mummers softly in his ear rubbing his back gently.

Buck nods against his shoulder before slowly pulling away and putting on a bright smile as he turns to Christopher, “Hey buddy!”

Christopher immediately comes forward and hugs Buck around the waist, “Hi, Buck. I missed you.”

Buck gets more on Christopher’s level before hugging him back and saying, “I missed you too, kid. I brought you another present in my bag, by the way, don’t tell your dad.”

“Buck,” Eddie groans.

“Shush. It’s been months since my last gift,” Buck quickly says before reaching over to the carousel and pulling his bag from it.

Eddie takes his bag off him so Buck lifts Christopher in his arms and starts to catch up on what he missed, smiling as Christopher tells him about taking the kaleidoscope to show and tell and the other kids being impressed.

“You haven’t eaten right?” Eddie asks.

“No,” Buck smiles as he gets Christopher situated into Eddie’s truck.

“Good. Abuela made tons of food for your arrival. She and my aunt Josephina will be over tonight. They uh...wanted to meet you, sorry,” Eddie says quickly.

“Already throwing me to the wolves,” Buck comments before adding, “Not that your family are wolves.”

“Oh, no, wolves is a decent word to describe them. They mean well but they can be a bit intrusive. So maybe you want to get uh...prepared. They don’t know about uh...everything really,” Eddie cringes.

“I’m good at making up lies as of late,” Buck sighs.

“So uh...you have an idea so our stories match up?” Eddie asks.

“How much have you told them about me?” Buck asks.

“Just that you used to be a firefighter and that you're great with Christopher, and your work now is based in New York but you travel a lot.”

“Figure the art collecting lie will work here too then,” Buck chuckles softly.

“Sorry. I’m not embarrassed by you or anything...They just can be judgemental and this is…”

“Complicated,” Buck finishes, “I got it, Eddie. I get it, I wouldn’t really want to tell them the truth either.”

Eddie nods and says, “I’m sorry this is how we’re starting our time together. Should have a better start to our week together.”

“There will be others,” Buck assures with a soft smile before taking Eddie’s hand in his.

Eddie stares at him for a moment before smiling and nodding, “Yeah...There uh...There will be.”

“Already told him, I’d be traveling again two weeks from now. So I’ll be back here soon enough too. We can have a better start to the week then maybe,” Buck shrugs.

“I...Thank you, Buck. For uh...really trying and working for this. It’s not easy. Especially for you,” Eddie adds.

“No. But I love you, and Christopher too, so it’s worth it,” Buck replies.

Eddie swallows and quickly leans over to kiss Buck, “I love you too.”

“Gross,” Christopher giggles from the back seat.

“Yeah, Eddie. Gross,” Buck smiles before squeezing Eddie’s hand again. 

Meeting Abuela and Aunt Josephina is by no terms easy. Buck’s always feared, meeting families. He supposes that’s the good thing about Larry. He has no family.

Buck can feel the judgments and skepticism the second he walks into the house where Eddie’s aunt and grandmother are already waiting. He doesn’t get much time to settle in other than the short time it takes to set his bag aside in Eddie’s room and go to the bathroom, with the excuse of cleaning the travel off him.

When he gets back it’s a full-on assault as they eye him carefully before starting in on him.

“So, Buck is it?” Eddie’s aunt asks.

“You know it is, Aunt Josephina,” Eddie says warningly.

“What kind of name is that?” Josephina asks.

“Well, my last name’s Buckley. My parents named me Evan, but I’ve always preferred, Buck, I guess,” Buck shrugs.

“Can I choose my own name too?” Christopher asks.

“And what exactly would you choose?” Buck asks with a laugh his attention immediately going to Christopher.

Christopher thinks on it before answering, “Wolverine.”

Buck laughs and says, “Wolverine Diaz. I like it.”

Christopher laughs but Eddie’s aunt and grandmother continue to eye him speculatively before moving onto their next question.

“So Eddie tells me you are a firefighter,” Abuela says.

“No, I said he used to be a firefighter,” Eddie sighs.

“Right,” Abuela nods, “But you’re not anymore.”

“No. They declared me unfit for duty,” Buck replies.

“Oh? Why’s that?” She asks.

“Not quite up to par anymore physically.”

“Hardly think that’d be the problem,” Josephina comments, giving him a once over.

Well, at least Buck has his physique going for him.

“Yeah, well you wouldn’t know it from looking at him, but Buck’s superhuman, he had a whole firetruck land on his leg and lived to tell the tale,” Eddie cuts in.

“Yeah, got a raw deal. Got to keep the leg, but it’s no longer good enough for firefighting anymore, I guess,” Buck grimaces.

Eddie frowns and says, “How about we eat? And talk about something else?”

“So what is it you do now?” Abuela asks.

  
“I collect art. I find good pieces and then either host galleries or keep the piece until the artist gains more acclaim and sells it for a higher profit,” Buck says.

“And that’s good work?” Josephina asks.

  
“Difficult. Very hard to judge when you’re doing a good job as the payoff comes off later, but I’ve done pretty well. Financial stability and all,” Buck nods.

“Edmundo says you travel a lot for work, and that you live in New York,” Abuela comments.

“Yeah, I’m currently based in New York. Came to Texas a few times for work, that’s how I met Eddie,” he smiles across the table at him, “But I’m hoping to possibly make the move permanent, I mean New York is great for the art scene, but Texas has some pretty big positives.”

He sees Eddie blush as he begins serving up the tamales to everyone.

“And is your family in New York too?” Josephina asks.

“Well I’m originally from Pennsylvania, my family is back there. I worked all over when I was younger. Settled in LA, that’s where I worked as a firefighter. Then I found my way to New York. So my friends are kind of split between old friends in LA and current friends in New York. But mom, dad, and sister are back in Hershey, Pennsylvania.”

“Do you see them often?” Abuela asks.

“Uh...not a lot. My parents aren’t...super involved and my sister has her own life...It’s difficult,” Buck says shaking his head.

“Buck it’s…,” Eddie starts.

“Family is just very important to us, and you’ve cut yours off it seems,” Josephina says.

“Pepa,” Eddie hisses.

“He said so himself. He doesn’t speak with them. Is that what is going to happen with us if this continues?” Josephina asks.

“I would...I would never..,” Buck stutters.

  
“So you say,” Josephina retorts.

“Buck, you don’t have to,” Eddie starts.

“No, they’re worried about you. You’re family. Families are supposed to protect each other. Trust me, I get that,” he says looking at Abuela and Josephina. “I really do get that. I respect and honor that your family does that, but my family...My family isn’t like that. My parents didn’t protect me or my sister. I tried to protect my sister, but I haven’t been able to...She has a husband…” Buck whispers.

“Buck, stop, you don’t owe them your entire family history,” Eddie interjects.

Buck ignores him and sighs, “My sister has a bad husband. The kind of person you’re confusing me with. He doesn’t let us talk. He’s awful. I would never be that. You two are obviously important in both Christopher and Eddie’s lives which is why I’m trying. I’m trying because I want you to like me. I want you to feel like they’re safe with me.”

It’s silent for a while before Abuela finally speaks, “While I’m not exactly happy that my grandson is with another gringo,” she starts, “You certainly seem to care about him and Christopher which is the most important thing.”

“I do...I...I love them both, they’re...I may not have a family, but I have them and that...that feels like more than enough,” Buck sighs.

“Well then that makes you a part of the family too,” Abuela smiles.

From then on it’s not so fraught. In fact, it’s quite pleasant as they begin to dote on him with the same affection they do Christopher and Eddie.

By the time they’re leaving they are kissing Buck’s cheek goodbye.

When Eddie shuts the door he turns to Buck and immediately wraps his arms around his waist pecking his lips.

“You did great. Even better than I thought possible. Much better than Shannon even,” Eddie says sounding truly amazed.

“Helped that I didn’t have to lie all that much,” Buck smiles, “Just about the art stuff.”

Eddie beams and whispers against Buck’s lips, “So about there being some positives to Texas.”

“Two big positives to be specific,” Buck hums.

Eddie kisses him again and Buck smiles before saying, “Okay now get off me, I’ve still got to give Christopher his present.”

“You’re spoiling him, Buck,” Eddie complains.

“He’s like the perfect kid, Eddie. He deserves to be spoiled,” Buck argues and walks back to Eddie’s bedroom and grabs the gift that he wrapped this time and carries it out to Christopher.

“Oh God, it’s big this time,” Eddie groans.

“Eddie your negativity is really getting us down, right Christopher?” Buck asks as he passes the present to Christopher.

“Yeah, dad. Your negativity is getting us down,” Christopher laughs before tearing into the gift.

Christopher opens it and finds a telescope kit and cheers happily, “A telescope.”

“Buck, that’s…” Eddie starts.

“Awesome,” Christopher interjects, “Can we set it up now?”

“It’s late and it takes time to set up Christopher,” Eddie sighs.

“I’ll spend the day setting it up so we can use it tomorrow night,” Buck smiles.

Eddie still has his arms crossed along his chest when Buck glances back at him so he adds, “But only if you do your homework first.”

“I love it, Buck. Thank you,” Christopher beams and wraps his arms around Buck’s neck.

Buck squeezes Christopher in his arms and says, “Anything for the best kid in the world.”

They get Christopher ready for bed together and tuck him in after he weasels a story out of Buck who’s all too happy to oblige if you ask Eddie. He doesn’t think he’s ever seen a kid with someone wrapped around his finger as much as Buck is. It’s honestly a good thing that Christopher’s such a good kid, cause any kid would most likely be a monster with the power he has over Buck.

When they shut the door to Christopher’s room Eddie sighs and says, “Really Buck? A telescope. It’s too much.”  
  


“Hey, I love space. It’s kind of a gift for me and him. Plus you can’t see the stars in New York with all the lights. Here I finally get to,” Buck reasons.

Eddie eyes him carefully before he shakes his head, “You’re spoiling him.”  
  


Buck nods and says, “Maybe. But how about I spoil you next?”

Eddie pauses and watches as Buck moves closer and starts kissing him slowly.

“Spoil me?” Eddie asks softly.

“Mhmm…,” Buck hums as he kisses along Eddie’s jaw.

“And uh...how exactly would you go about doing that?” Eddie asks.

“I’ve got some ideas,” Buck grins.

Over the next few visits, Buck notices that he’s settled into this new routine. Every two weeks he makes up an excuse to Larry to spend a week somewhere for art and then he travels down to Texas.

Buck’s even taken his most personal items with him down to Texas, putting them in Eddie’s place. He doesn’t even need to take that many clothes down anymore because he has a full drawer at Eddie’s place. And Eddie likes it, it makes Buck’s absence easier to deal with when he sees his stuff around his home. Telling him that he’s coming back.

Before he goes to Texas, Buck always makes his withdrawals and moves the money around whenever he has a free moment in Texas, like when Eddie’s at work.

Buck knows that the hundred and forty-four thousand he has split between accounts sounds like a lot but when he has no idea what he’s going to do for work when he finally breaks away from Larry it’s not a whole lot. Plus now that Eddie’s stopped his side-gig and is just on his firefighter salary now it’s only more complicated because while Eddie’s income has reduced, the price of everything hasn’t.

Buck’s seen him fretting over bills multiple times.

“What are you looking at?” Buck had asked.

“Just bills. Have to be a little more creative now that I’ve stopped hustling. A lot of stuff to pay for. Christopher’s school, medical bills, Carla, speech, and physical therapy,” Eddie sighs.

Buck peeks at the totals and hisses, “God, Eddie that’s a lot.”  
  


“Tell me about it,” Eddie sighs.

“Can you afford it? I mean you started hustling to pay…,” Buck starts.

“Trust me. Not hustling is worth it. I can handle it. Just gonna have to be a little more creative like I said,” Eddie tells him taking his hand and squeezing it in his.

“Well let me help,” Buck tries.

“No, no, I’ve got it, Buck,” Eddie tells him.

“Fine, don’t let me help. Let Larry help,” Buck grins.

Eddie chuckles and says, “Funny.”  
  


“Well while he’s still on the line, he might as well. Please, Eddie,” Buck begs.

“Fine, but not the full cost,” Eddie tells him, “He’ll probably notice the money going out.”  
  


So that’s how that number gets quickly cut in half, so Buck gets creative himself and the art he’s buying becomes progressively more expensive. He goes from taking about thirty thousand out on every trip to about fifty-six thousand. 

Buck’s happy with how things are going and things are good all apart from the fact that he has to continue playing his role with Larry, which includes sleeping with him. Buck can do whatever he wants but stopping the flow of sex, the real reason Larry has him at all would definitely raise a red flag.

He thinks Eddie knows this and just doesn’t want to think or talk about it. That is until about six months of this routine going.

Eddie comes to pick him up at the airport like he always does with Christopher and they both wrap him up in their arms as usual because no matter how many times he comes back they treat it like a special occasion.

It’s like any other time he comes back all up until the point he’s unpacking his suitcase after they’ve put Christopher to bed.

“We’ll do something special tomorrow,” Eddie says from where he lays back on the bed as Buck takes stuff out of his suitcase.

“Eddie, we don’t need to do anything special,” Buck sighs with a short laugh.

“We do. You’re home. That’s special,” Eddie says.

Buck smiles at that, he’s home and it really does feel like that at Eddie’s. He’s home.

“I come back every two weeks. It’s not so uncommon. Besides having time, any sort of time with Christopher and you is special to me,” Buck tells him.

Eddie stands up and walks over to him wrapping his arms around his waist and says, “I just think…” he starts to say before pausing.

Buck turns to look at him head-on instead of just in the mirror that hangs over the dresser and he watches as Eddie’s face dissolves into something that looks like he’s not only taken a punch to the gut but been slapped clear across the face. But it’s worse than that, the hurt is just so crystal clear across his face. 

“Eddie what…,” Buck starts to ask.

But Eddie stops him by pulling down on Buck’s collar eyes narrowed, “Is that a hickey?” He asks.

Buck freezes for a moment thinking about the awful sex he was forced to endure before he left.

These days he mostly forgets about it because it’s just expected and he can remove himself from it. Send his mind elsewhere until what he’s dealing with becomes more manageable. He’s always been good at that. Denying the issue and living in ambivalence to it. 

He figured Eddie knew he had to do this though. He couldn’t really think that Buck was going these months without sleeping with Larry when it was the key part of what kept him in his good graces. But the guilt still washes over him just the same.

Buck quickly jerks away covering up the bruise with his hand, but the damage is done, Eddie’s already seen it.

“Oh, you’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” Eddie shouts.

“Eddie...Christopher,” Buck says.

“Don’t...You...You slept with him?” Eddie yells.

Buck flinches and then steels himself despite the guilt and shame, “Of course, I slept with him, Eddie. He’s my fiance...I don’t know what you were expecting, it’s what I have to do otherwise he’d…”

“Have you been sleeping with him this whole time?” Eddie demands.

Buck swallows and Eddie shakes his head, “I think I’m gonna be sick.”

Eddie turns away from him for a moment and Buck whispers, “Eddie.”

“Don’t Eddie me. I just...The entire time we’ve...since we decided…”

“You don’t get to be mad about this,” Buck calls out his voice cracking in the middle, “You don’t get to be mad about it, you...you knew I wasn’t going to leave him right away that I had things to do…”

“Yes, I do!” Eddie shouts back before finally deciding the quiet himself a little as to not wake Christopher. Eddie pauses before hissing, “I do! I get to be absolutely livid because this means something to me and I thought it meant something to you too.”

“It does,” Buck interjects.

Eddie shakes his head and says, “I’m waiting and waiting. All I’m doing is waiting and you’re screwing your very old fiance.”

“You think I enjoy it?” Buck calls out.

“I think you keep putting me off cause you’re not invested in this,” Eddie growls.

“Eddie, I’m invested, it’s just…,” Buck starts.

“It’s just what. You know Buck, maybe you just like playing house for me or I’m a good comfort fuck, but I’m in this. I fucking love you goddamnit. And I get to be mad about this because I’m the one who talks to you when you're sad and makes you feel better. I’m the one who lets you talk about anything that’s on your mind. I’m the one who makes you feel like you’ve got a home and a family. So I get to be pissed off that you slept with someone else,” Eddie hisses.

“Eddie. I’m not putting you off because I don’t love you. You know I love you,” Buck says.

Eddie refuses to look at him though and Buck walks over to him and reaches for him but Eddie avoids his touch so Buck drops his hand.

“I do. I love you more than I loved anyone. I want to be here with you and Christopher. But…”

“But what Buck?” Eddie shouts again.

“But what happens after? What am I supposed to do? I got into this business because I had no other prospects. I have no job and now suddenly it’s just you having to support me and Christopher when you already can barely handle what you’ve got now. So I just need some time to move some money around so when I finally leave I’m not a burden on you.”

“You’re not a burden. I’d make it work. It’d be fine. We’d make it work...I know I can’t give you as much but…”

“I don’t care about that,” Buck huffs, “Besides Eddie things have been good, I’m gonna be here, it's just taking some time. You seemed fine, you didn’t say anything, I don’t know you have a problem with it if you don’t tell me.”

“I’m telling you now!” Eddie shouts before burying his face in his hands. “Besides how can I even talk to you about this half the time when I only see you every two weeks and I don’t want to ruin it. And I can’t text you cause he might see the phone bills or your phone and know…”

Buck frowns and sits beside Eddie pulling him into his arms, “Eddie, you’re right I’m sorry. I just - I need to know what you need, I can’t know when you don’t give anything away. I know you don’t do well with talking about your feelings. Not the way I do now that I know I can trust you with them. I know - you’re not like me, you don’t wear your heart on your sleeve, but I just need to know what’s going on, what you need.”

“I need you,” Eddie cries out, turning his face towards Buck with tears streaming down his face.

“I’m here...Eddie...I,” Buck starts.

“Yeah, until you have to leave again,” Eddie hisses.

Buck swallows and says, “What if I don’t?”

“What if you don’t, what?” Eddie sighs

“What if I don’t leave again...I mean what if I only leave one more time?” Buck asks.

“I...what?” Eddie asks.

“I’ve saved a lot. I think...maybe it’s time,” Buck sighs.

“You…,” Eddie whispers.

“Eddie, I love you. I...I need to be here, I want to be here.”

Eddie looks down and whispers, “But…”

“No more buts. I’m...I’m gonna end it. No matter what I’m going there, I’m ending it and I’m gonna come home to you and Christopher, I promise,” Buck says wrapping his arms tightly around Eddie.

Eddie leans back into him and whispers, “Buck...You’re...you’re gonna come back...For good, you’re gonna stay.”  
  


“I am. I love you so much, Eddie,” Buck whispers and kisses along Eddie’s jaw.

Eddie turns to look at him finally and whispers, “I love you too, Buck...I just...I keep waiting for…”

“For what?” Buck asks.

“For this to not be enough,” Eddie whispers.

“Eddie...you’re more than enough. You and Christopher...you’re everything. Why wouldn’t this be enough?” Buck questions.

“It wasn’t enough for Shannon. We were married, we had Christopher together, she was his mother and it still wasn’t enough…,” Eddie whimpers.

Buck frowns and says, “Is that why you’ve been trying to make every visit special? So that I have a reason to keep coming back?”  
  


“I...I don’t know...may...maybe?” Eddie questions.

Buck frowns and rests his cheek against the back of Eddie’s shoulder, “I’m always going to come home to you and Christopher I promise.”

Eddie pulls Buck’s arms further around him and nods letting him hold him.

“Are we okay?” Buck asks softly.

“Yeah,” Eddie sighs.

Buck kisses Eddie’s shoulder and Eddie swallows before saying, “I just...I hate to think of him...with his hands...God his mouth on you,” Eddie groans rubbing his eyes.

Buck swallows and says, “I don’t think about it really. Sometimes I forget that it’s even happened.”

“How? Do you forget when we….” Eddie starts.

“No. God no,” Buck says, “Just...it’s something I’ve always done. Maybe since I was a kid...things weren’t always so good. So I made myself forget whatever it was so I could feel happy. I just blocked it out, mostly after the fact, but I got good at blocking it out while it was happening too. I’d just stop and think of something else till it was over. I mean other people do it, but I just...I became able to entirely dissociate with it...I guess.”  
  


“So when you’re with Larry...like that you block it out?” Eddie asks.

“I go somewhere else,” Buck shrugs.

“Like where?” Eddie asks.

Buck smiles a bit and shrugs, “Here. With you.”

“Like us when we’re…,” Eddie starts.

Buck chuckles and says, “Sometimes.”

Eddie smirks and says, “Then uh...maybe I should help. Give you something more representative for when…”

“I’m not going back and doing that anymore, Eddie, I told you,” Buck sighs.

“Well maybe you just need a good memory for when you’re sad,” Eddie suggests.

“Why? I’m coming back to you and Christopher for good, my life's about to get a whole lot happier,” Buck grins.

Eddie smiles and says, “I guess you’re right. But maybe I still want to...Something we haven’t tried before.”

Buck blinks and then asks, “You sure?”

“You’re asking me?” Eddie asks, “Should be you I’m asking.”

“Well, I know you like...I mean...It’s the one time you give up control and feel safe to so…,” Buck says.

“Well according to you I have several times to look forward from now on, so this time...I want to try something new...I mean if you’d want to…,” Eddie whispers.

Buck smiles and nods, “Ye...Yeah.”

“And you’ll tell me if I do anything wrong or need to do anything more? I mean I’m used to being on top, but with women, so…,” Eddie starts shyly.

“Yeah, Eddie, I’ll tell you,” Buck laughs.

Eddie smiles and whispers, “Okay.”

Buck leans in and wraps his arms around Eddie pushing the both of them back onto the bed his hands moving down Eddie’s body.

Eddie suddenly flips them, hovering over Buck with a grin, “You really just can’t help yourself, can you? Have to have control huh?”

“Not about the control, more about my persistent desire to please and be the one giving you pleasure,” Buck hums before kissing Eddie hungrily.

“Yeah, well right now that’s my job, okay?” Eddie asks.

“Very well, do your worst,” Buck grins.

“Oh, I intend to do my best actually,” Eddie smirks before moving his mouth down to suck a hickey of his own on Buck’s neck.

Buck moans his fingers moving up into Eddie’s hair as he arches his back trying to press his body back up against Eddie’s.

“Eddie,” he groans as he feels Eddie’s tongue brush against the tender flesh of the marks he’s made as he moves down his neck.

“Shirt off,” Eddie whispers as he pulls Buck up and tugs his shirt over his head.

“Yes sir,” Buck chuckles before finding Eddie’s lips with his own again, fingers moving down along Eddie’s back.

“Pants now,” Eddie smirks, his lips moving to suck a hickey on Buck’s shoulder as he undoes the button of his jeans.

Buck wiggles out of his jeans with Eddie’s help before he’s left in nothing but his boxers underneath him.

“I think I’ve got a very unfair amount of clothes on compared to you,” Buck complains. 

“Yeah, you want to get me out of these clothes huh?” Eddie asks.

“All the time,” Buck grins.

Eddie hums and tugs his own shirt over his head before pressing their bare chests down against each other as they kiss.

Buck groans softly into the kiss satisfied just by the skin to skin contact they now share.

Eddie grinds down against Buck before undoing his jeans and sliding them off so that they’re both just in their boxers now.

“Don’t think I’ll ever get over how good you look,” Buck groans as Eddie’s lips move across his abdomen before he feels Eddie’s fingers hook in on the inside of his boxers pulling them off too.

“Speak for yourself,” Eddie laughs his lips now ghosting across Buck’s hip bones.

“You should...you should let me blow you,” Buck whispers.

“I thought we were giving me control?” Eddie asks.

“I am. I am giving you control of my mouth,” Buck hums.

Eddie’s brain seems to short circuit for a moment before he nods and moves so that he’s laying back against the mattress letting Buck move down his body.

He watches as Buck settles between his legs pulling off his boxers and taking him into his hand using some of the precum already leaking from Eddie’s tip to stroke him with.

“Fuck, Buck,” Eddie mutters.

Buck looks up at him carefully like he’s gauging his reactions before he lowers his head running his tongue across Eddie’s lip.

Eddie shivers before Buck takes him into his mouth and starts sucking around him, soft and slow at first before really diving in. Once he gets going Eddie really starts to see the people-pleasing side of Buck.

Buck begins to drive him absolutely over the edge with the noises he makes. He starts letting out little moans around Eddie’s cock, and not only are the vibrations from it doing amazing things but Buck’s rutting his hips unconsciously against the bed like he can’t even help himself. Eddie’s own hips keep jutting up to meet Buck’s mouth every time Buck’s tongue swipes across the head of his cock. 

Eddie thrusts up into Buck’s mouth and hits the back of his throat and groans holding Buck’s head there for a moment as he thrusts up into his mouth.

“Fuck, Buck, I’m so close,” Eddie whines before groaning and tugging Buck’s hair back to pull him off.

“You could have let me make you cum,” Buck complains.

“No, I’m in charge tonight. Remember?” Eddie hums flipping Buck back onto the mattress.

“Mmm...that’s right. I agreed to that,” Buck laughs as Eddie digs in the bedside table for the lube.

Eddie finds it and squeezes it onto his fingers before reaching down and circling Buck’s entrance.

“Fuck, Eddie, jump right to it why don’t you,” Buck groans.

Eddie smirks and says, “I’m on a mission,” he runs his other hand against Buck’s inner thigh before pushing a finger into Buck and watching his back arch.

“Fuck, Eddie,” Buck whispers fingers gripping the sheets.

“That’s the idea,” Eddie smirks, “But the foreplays still fun,” he says before adding another finger. He watches as Buck throws his head back towards his pillow and rolls his hips down on Eddie’s fingers.

“You’re so beautiful like this, Buck. You have no idea,” Eddie breathes moving his fingers in and out of Buck before adding a third finger. He kisses along Buck’s inner thigh, across the scarred tissue Buck finds so ugly but Eddie has always wanted him to know is just as beautiful as the rest of him.

Buck whimpers as he thrusts himself down on Eddie’s fingers, “Eds...please...I’m...I’m ready...I need you.”

Eddie nods and pulls his fingers from Buck earning a disgruntled sound as he rolls the condom on and gives himself a few strokes with the lube before pressing himself into Buck slowly.

“Fuck,” Buck breathes out his voice already sounding wrecked.

Eddie exhales and whispers, “I wanna take my time with you here.”

He watches Buck’s throat bob as he swallows before nodding and letting out soft moans as Eddie starts out with shallow thrusts before pushing into Buck completely with one smooth drive.

Buck lets out a deep groan, which had started out as Eddie’s name before it quickly became something entirely incoherent. The very small part of Buck’s brain that can still actually function is fumbling for something to compare this to, some sort of similarity that he could link it to, but comes up blank. There’s nothing, nothing like this, nothing like Eddie pushing into him slow and sure and just everything.

It’s quiet for a while, just the sounds of breathing and a couple of breathy moans, and then Eddie bottoms out and drapes himself around Buck, and the angle changes and it reaches a whole new level of ecstasy for Buck.

Buck knows he’s being far too loud. Louder than they normally are together, but Eddie doesn’t stop him and Buck can’t fathom trying to measure the noises he’s making. Eddie responds with his own noises and Buck shakes as he thinks about how Eddie is noisy whether he’s on top or bottom and how hot that is.

Buck can feel himself dripping with sweat and knows Eddie is too, but the way they’re moving together is still so slow and delicate, but Buck needs more of him.

“Eddie,” he manages to get out in a moan that feels like all the air is being punched from his lungs. “Faster,” Buck whispers out.

Eddie nods and picks up speed just a little, but all Buck wants is more, deeper, harder, god. He rakes his nails up Eddie’s back, wrapping his legs around his waist and Eddie seems to finally get it.

“I’m not going to...I’m not gonna be able...” Eddie tries to say, squeezing his own eyes shut and cutting himself off with a gasp.

“C’mon,” Buck murmurs, grazing Eddie’s cheek with his lips, barely a kiss, just a bit of simple contact.

That seems to do it, and Eddie unleashes this deep groan and pulses through him faster, until Buck is sure he’s not holding back anymore. He meets him push for push, hearing their moans and shouts like something far-off in the distance. Buck pulls just a little on Eddie’s hair, getting a hickey under his earlobe in retaliation, and then Eddie grazes it with his teeth and moves his hand towards Buck’s cock.

The noises earlier were one thing, but the sounds Buck emits once Eddie is jerking him off are something else completely. He’s actually hoarse, and he feels so close, and with one flick of Eddie’s thumb over the head of his cock, Buck loses it entirely cumming with a noise that sounds more like a sob than a moan.

He whimpers loudly as the pleasure throbs through him in relentless waves, and every muscle in his body seizes up and Eddie finally let's go too not long after him.

Their harsh breaths mingle between them for a couple of minutes, both of them too overloaded to say anything. Buck feels absolutely wrecked in the best way. Eddie seems to gain some self-possession around the same time, pulling out of Buck slowly and tossing the condom into the wastebasket before dropping his head to Buck’s shoulder.

“Think that was the best fuck of my life,” Buck whispers.

“Only gonna get better with more practice,” Eddie chuckles.

“You’re gonna kill me if you do,” Buck sighs and kisses along Eddie’s clammy shoulder.

\---

Sometime during the week Christopher comes down with a cold and rather than have Eddie take off work, Buck sends him off ensuring Eddie he’s plenty capable of taking care of Christopher.

He figures it’ll be one of the main things he’ll be doing once he moves here, so he might as well jump right in.

It’s pretty easy, Buck follows the list Eddie gives him on when to coax medicine into Christopher and Buck takes some of his own liberties by letting Christopher eat ice cream when nothing else sounds good. He eventually gets him on board after to eat a sandwich and soup, so it’s all fair, Buck thinks.

Most of the day is just spent with them curled up on the couch’s pull out bed watching Disney movies. Christopher spends the entirety of the films tucked close to Buck’s side under several blankets that make Buck feel hot, both because there are several layers over him and Christopher is running a fever. But Buck holds him close and lets him nap on him, never stopping the movie in case he wakes up. So Buck watches several Disney films mostly by himself. At some point during Wreck-It Ralph, Christopher wakes up and snuggles deeper into Buck’s chest.

“Hey kiddo, how are you feeling?” Buck asks.

“Sick,” Christopher whispers.

“Come on let's drink some water. It’ll help with your fever and your throat sounds dry,” Buck says picking up the glass near the couch for Christopher.

He drinks from it before coming back to settle against Buck’s chest while Buck rubs his shoulders. 

“I’m sorry you’re not feeling well, buddy,” Buck whispers, pressing a kiss to Christopher’s hot forehead.

“You’re not leaving tomorrow right, Buck?” Christopher asks.

“No, I’m here for two more days,” Buck assures him. 

“I don’t like it when you leave. I get sad,” Christopher whispers.

“Well I’ll be back soon and the next time I come back, I think it’ll be for good,” Buck tells him.

“You’re gonna stay with us?” Christopher asks.

“If you and your dad will have me,” Buck replies.

“We miss you all the time Buck,” Christopher says and wraps his arms tighter around him.

“I miss you all the time too,” Buck breathes, kissing the top of Christopher’s head.

They watch the movie for a while and at some point, Christopher starts playing with the ring on Buck’s finger.

Buck stares down at him and Christopher says, “I like your ring.”

Buck chuckles and says, “I guess it is kind of shiny.”

“It’s pretty,” Christopher says moving it up and down Buck’s finger.

“I suppose,” Buck laughs, “Your dad thinks it’d be better if it had blue stones here instead of black.”  
  


“Like our eyes,” Christopher says.

“Yeah, like our eyes,” Buck smiles and hugs Christopher close, holding him till he falls asleep.

When Eddie comes home he smiles at the sight of Buck and Christopher curled up on the couch and settles down beside Buck kissing his cheek.

“Hey,” Eddie whispers, cuddling close.

“Hey,” Buck smiles softly, keeping Chris tucked close underneath his arm.

“How’s he doing?” Eddie asks.

“Better. Lots of naps, lots of movies. He’s eaten, had his medicine and I’ve got him drinking water. Hopefully, he’s on the road to recovery.”  
  


“Thanks for this.”

“It was no problem. I like spending time with him, it’s like he’s my…,” Buck stops himself and swallows.

“Like he’s your what?” Eddie asks.

Buck shakes his head and says, “Nothing.”

Eddie stares at him for a moment and then finishes the thought for Buck, “LIke he’s your own?”

“I…”

“It feels like that for me too sometimes...Like I’m finally parenting with someone again. Like I’m not alone anymore,” Eddie tells him.

Buck smiles gently and leans across to kiss Eddie softly, “I never want you to be alone again.”

“You’re coming home for good soon,” Eddie whispers.

“Finally,” Buck breathes.

\---

Buck feels the anxiety coursing through him the whole plane ride back to New York, knowing what he has to do.

When he gets back to the apartment Larry’s not home and he starts tucking away the things that are important into a bag cause he knows he’ll be leaving soon and he might not be allowed back into the apartment.

He travels to Larry’s offices entering with the duffle bag slung over his shoulder as he enters.

Larry’s sitting behind his desk and finally looks up when Buck shuts the door behind him.

He eyes Buck carefully and laughs, “What you came here straight from the airport?”

“No...uh, I need to talk to you,” Buck swallows.

“Talk huh?” Larry says gruffly, “Can’t this wait for dinner tonight?”

“No, it’s important, now,” Buck insists.

“Alright then. Out with it,” Larry frowns.

“I’m done. With this. I’m not getting married to you, I’m leaving,” Buck says clearly.

Larry stares at him for a moment before laughing, “You think it’s that easy do you Buck?”

“I…”

“You think I don’t know you’ve been sneaking off with that boy toy of some of my clients. That Diaz. That I don’t know you’re playing house with him and his kid while you spend my money on art as a cover?” Larry questions.

Buck stills and whispers, “You...you know…”  
  


“Of course. I didn’t make my money by being stupid, Buck. I figured I’d let it play out. He’s a bigger hustler than you, figured he’d get bored or you’d get bored having some crippled ankle biter and his dad hang off you. You aren’t exactly a commitment kind of guy. Besides he has nothing to offer and you like to be comfortable. Never thought you’d be stupid enough to leave,” Larry scoffs.

“Don’t talk about Christopher like that,” Buck growls.

“You think I’ll let you go that easily, Buck? After all the time and money I spent on you?” Larry asks.

“You can’t stop me,” Buck says, trying to keep his confidence.

“Really? I’ve got all the money in the world to hunt you down. Make sure you’re never comfortable with him and his kid. Make their life a living hell when you’re with them till they send you away. Realize their lives were better off without you.”

“You...you can’t they’re…”

“Oh, Buck, you belong to me or you belong to no one,” Larry says standing up and stalking over towards Buck.

Buck shakes his head and says, “No.”  
  


“Anywhere you go with them, I’ll find you,” Larry tells him.

“No!” Buck shouts and shoves Larry back.

Larry stumbles a bit before gripping the edge of his desk and then clutching his chest gasping.

“Buck,” Larry calls out before falling to his knees trying to breathe.

Buck stares at him for a moment before hesitating and snatching up his bag and running out of the office.

He runs down all the streets he’s used to walking till he can’t anymore and he sits down on the corner sobbing.

He can’t go back to Eddie. Not with what Larry promised. Not after he ran out while Larry was having a heart attack. Not when Larry will find him and punish Eddie and Christopher if he’s with them.

He ends up calling Hen in a panic when he gets some of his bearings back.

“He said he’d go after Eddie and Christopher, Hen. He has the resources, I can’t...I can’t go back to them when they’re in danger,” Buck sobs.

“Buck...Have you called Eddie?” Hen asks.

“I can’t tell him this. I got...I’ve got to run where Larry can’t find me,” Buck whispers.

“Buck you have to tell Eddie....he,” Hen starts.

“If I tell him he won’t understand. He’ll try and protect me. He needs to take care of Christopher. He can’t know and I don’t know when I can go back to him so maybe it’s just better if he doesn’t know...So he can move on,” Buck whimpers.

“Buck...Eddie and Christopher,” Hen begins again.

“Damn it...Christopher...He...I can’t just leave him, he’s a kid...He’ll...I’ve got to go Hen. I’ll see Christopher one last time and then I gotta just go,” Buck says.

“Buck you…” Hen tries to say.

“I love you, Hen. I’ll call you to let you know I’m alright,” Buck says hanging up.

\---

Buck gets to Texas the next day, buying the ticket with cash so there’s no trail. He finds that he’s going to likely have to rely on the funds he’d been saving for him and Eddie to survive just himself.

He knows he can’t let Eddie know, but he has to say goodbye to Christopher and at least let him know that he intends to come back. He’s a kid he can’t handle being left and this kind of heartbreak.

So he goes to Christopher’s school around lunchtime, which he feels bad about because it’s behind Eddie’s back, but he knows it’s important. He’s picked Christopher up on occasion so he’s on the designated sign out sheet.

“Buck!” Christopher cheers when he sees him hurrying over till he’s lifted into Buck’s arms.

Buck clutches him tightly against his chest and kisses his cheek not wanting to even think about letting him go.

The assistant teacher comes up with a large smile and says, “You must be, Buck, Christopher’s other dad. I’ve only met your partner, Eddie.”

“I...uh..yeah,” Buck says at a loss for words and Christopher doesn’t dispute it, just keeps his arms wrapped around his neck.

“He definitely seems to take after you. Looks a lot like you, same eyes, the smile too,” she tells him.

“Yeah, uh guess he’s a chip off the old block.” Buck swallows.

“Are you taking him out the rest of the day?” She asks.

“No, just for an hour or two for lunch. He’ll be back before the end of the day,” Buck replies.

She nods and says, “Then I’m sure he won’t miss too much. We were just going to watch a movie.”

“Great,” Buck nods and signs Christopher out quickly before putting him in the car.

“Where are we going, Buck?” Christopher asks.

“I figured we’d get lunch in the park and some ice cream maybe. There’s something I want to talk to you about,” Buck smiles tightly.

“Is daddy coming?” Christopher asks.

“No. It’s just a you and me thing. Is that okay?” Buck asks.

“Yeah. I like just us time,” Christopher smiles.

Buck takes them to the park they first met in and buys them hot dogs sitting on the bench throwing bits of the bun to the birds.

“You remember when your dad brought you here to meet me?” Buck asks.

“Yeah. You gave me my kaleidoscope,” Christopher nods.

“Yeah. I knew right away that you were a special kid,” Buck says, “I loved you right away like you were my own kid.”

“I love you, Buck,” Christopher says, reaching over and hugging Buck.

“I love you too kid, so much,” Buck smiles hugging him tightly.

He watches Christopher toss some bread to the birds and swallows, “I have to talk to you about something though, and it’s probably gonna make you sad because it makes me sad.”

“What?” Christopher asks a frown coming to his face.

“I’m going to have to go away. For awhile. Maybe a long time. I won’t be around and I won’t be able to call. But I didn’t want to leave without seeing you first,” Buck swallows.

“You said you were going to stay with daddy and me when you came back,” Christopher whimpers.

“I know. I want to stay, but I can’t. I’m sorry Christopher. But I’m going to come back. I can’t leave you and your dad,” Buck starts.

“But you’re leaving now,” Christopher sobs.

Buck frowns and hugs Christopher to his chest and says, “I will come back to you and your dad, Christopher. I’ll be gone, but I’m going to come back, I promise.”

Christopher sniffs and whispers, “I don’t want you to go.”

“I don’t want to leave you either. I just have to,” Buck breathes rubbing Christopher’s back.

He holds Christopher there trying to soothe him. When he finally gets him calmed down enough, Christopher starts playing with his ring again. Buck had forgotten it was still on his finger.

Buck takes it off and says, “I’m going to come back, Christopher. Till I do, I want you to have this, keep it safe for me till I come back.”  
  


“Your ring?” Christopher whispers.

“Yeah.”  
  


“But daddy says it’s really expensive,” Christopher says.

“It is. But I know you’ll keep it safe till I come back and I will come back,” Buck tells him.

Christopher holds it in his hand and Buck swallows, “I need you to keep it a secret though. Even from your dad. Can you do that?”  
  


“Why?” Christopher asks.

“He’s going to be hurt by me leaving. If he knows I saw you but not him it’ll only hurt more, I think.”

“Why won’t you see him?” Christopher asks.

“Sometimes it hurts more to see people leave than if they’re gone beforehand. I’m coming back, he just can’t know about the ring or this today. Our secret, okay Christopher?” Buck asks.

“Alright,” Christopher nods.

“Pinky promise? Like me and my sister used to do when we were kids. We never broke one,” Buck smiles.

Christopher nods locking his pinky around Buck’s, “Pinky promise.”

Buck holds Christopher as long as he can before he takes him back to school and letting him go is the hardest thing Buck has ever done. 

The ache stays with him the entire drive away from Texas.

\---

Weeks go by and Eddie doesn’t hear for Buck and he feels that despair in the pit of his stomach. Christopher’s been despondent since then like he knew but that’s crazy, he doesn’t know.

Eventually, Eddie makes the trip to New York, but he can’t find him, and the only trace is a report that Larry has had a heart attack and is recovering.

He finally manages to track down Hen and get some semblance of an answer.

“Eddie,” she says in surprise when he shows up at her door.

“Please tell me you’ve heard from Buck. He’s...One minute we’re planning our future Hen and the next he’s gone ghost silent. His number is disconnected, he’s just gone...Have you heard from him?” Eddie says close to crying over a cup of coffee on her couch.

“I heard from him twice after Larry’s heart attack,” Hen sighs, “I didn’t get to say much during either call. But all I know is that when he went to see Larry and break off the engagement, Larry knew everything. Well, everything except that the whole art thing was an entire farce and that Buck was stowing money away and buying knock-off paintings. He probably knows now, but Buck’s already withdrawn all that money.”

“Wait...he knew everything…,” Eddie says.

“He knew you guys were sleeping together, why Buck was really going down to Texas. He threatened you and Christopher. He has a lot of money Eddie. I know he’s already sent PI’s down to Texas to make sure Buck isn’t there. He wasn’t going to let you guys have any sort of life together,” Hen says.

“PI’s how do you know?” Eddie asks.

“I thought maybe if it was all just a threat then he could just come back, but my cop friend, Athena checked into it and they’re definitely watching,” Hen says.

“I could have done something,” Eddie says.

“He thought you’d try to protect him. But he didn’t want anything to happen to Christopher,” Hen sighs.

“He just...He didn’t say goodbye,” Eddie whispers.

“He couldn’t. You’d have tried to stop him,” Hen reasons.

“Hen where is he?” Eddie swallows.

“I don’t know. He called me a second time just to tell me he was alright. Right before his cell service cut out. Said he’d call me again at some point to let me know he was still alright. I think maybe he knows I’d let you know that he was alright.”

“Hen...I….We were going to be happy and now...he’s just gone,” Eddie sniffs, “What do I tell Christopher? He’s already had one parent walk out on him.”  
  


“Buck...He’s going to come back, Eddie.”

“When?” Eddie cries out.

“When it’s safe for you two,” Hen says, “Eddie...He wouldn’t just leave you. He loves you and Christopher more than anything. He’s going to come back for you.”

Eddie nods weakly and says, “You’ll...you’ll call me if he calls?”  
  


“I promise, Eddie,” Hen swears to him.

Eddie carries that promise, but Buck’s absence weighs on him and Christopher both. Christopher spends a lot of time in his room always either playing with that kaleidoscope Buck gave him or something small that Eddie never gets to see.

Eddie gets a call from Hen about two months after he last saw her and picks up right away.

“Hen?”  
  


“He called me about ten minutes ago,” Hen says, “He’s alright. Wouldn’t tell me where he is and he called me from a private number. Probably a burner.”

Eddie sighs and says, “Did he say anything else?”

“Asked about you and Christopher. I told him I’d seen you,” Hen sighs.

“Did you tell him he’s an idiot? That I’m pissed and miserable and that I’m still waiting for him because I’m an idiot too?” Eddie asks.

“I told him he was an idiot, but it didn’t seem to mean much to him, but I told him that a bunch of times before and it never meant much to him then,” Hen laughs.

“I miss him so damn much Hen,” Eddie sniffs.

“I know.”  
  


“Why can’t he just call me? Just once even...So we could hear him.”.

“I tried. He said he didn’t want to risk a trace of himself back to you.”

“Just...if he calls you again tell him. I miss him so much,” Eddie huffs trying to stop the tears.

“I will Eddie,” Hen tells him before he finally hangs up the phone.

\---

Buck spends the first three months bouncing around motels in Colorado and Utah. They’re not fancy and he keeps a low profile not staying anywhere too long.

He spends most of his time missing Eddie and Christopher wondering what either of them are doing at any point of the day. 

He calls Hen about five months after being gone for the third time. 

“Hen, it’s me,” Buck says.

“Buck. You haven’t been calling, I’ve been getting worried,” Hen says quickly.

“I didn’t want to disrupt your life,” Buck sighs. 

“You’re not disrupting. I’m worried when you don’t call. Eddie is worried,” Hen adds.

Buck swallows and whispers, “You’ve talked to him.”

“Last time you called. He wanted me to tell you you’re an idiot, but that he misses you and he’s still waiting,” Hen sighs.

“You can’t tell him I called,” Buck whimpers.

“What? Buck...he’s practically hanging on waiting for me to call to tell him you’re alright,” Hen shouts.

“He’s waiting on me and he can’t live while he’s doing that. Who knows when I can come back. Probably not before a year...and he shouldn’t have to be waiting around for me. You can’t tell him Hen.”

“Buck,” Hen starts.

“Please...Just don’t tell him I called. I’ll call you again every month, I’ll even give you a number to call me on, just don’t tell him. Let him move on,” Buck sobs.

“Are you moving on?” Hen asks.

“No. But this is my mess. It shouldn’t be his and Christopher’s. If I can come back, I will, but...they shouldn’t have to wait on me,” Buck sniffs.

“Buck, please...Eddie,” Hen tries.

“Eddie deserves better. Please Hen.”

Hen agrees begrudgingly but she gets Buck to give her a number to call him on and he promises to answer, so she at least knows he’ll be safe.

Eddie waits for Hen to call. He waits two months and nothing, no news on Buck. It hurts, cause it feels like Shannon all over again. He’s been left again and is stuck in radio silence.

Eventually, he gathers himself enough to call Hen and she tells him he hasn’t called. She doesn’t sound worried though which makes him think she’s lying. So he yells at her, cruel things that she doesn’t deserve and she eventually just hangs up on him which only makes him angrier. Buck’s letting him go, he’s not just left, he’s moving on from him, Eddie thinks and it’s where the spiral starts.

He starts showing up to work late and being short with people. He never smiles only scowls and his bad mood begins to rub off on Christopher who doesn’t smile all too much anymore these days. Not like he used to. He still plays with that kaleidoscope and Eddie has to stop himself in fits of rage from smashing it and every other thing Buck left behind in his house.

Abuela and his aunt shake their heads at him as if they knew all along this would happen, even though after they met Buck that first time they adored him.

“I told you not to get involved with another Gringo,” Aunt Josephina says one night at dinner.

“Up and left you just like the other,” Abuela sighs.

“I don’t need a recap. I’m living it,” Eddie hisses at them.

“Why do you still have his stuff around? You should throw it out,” Abuela says.

“What are you waiting for Eddie? He’s not coming back,” his aunt tells him.

“I’ll get to it. I don’t like looking at the stuff either. I’ll throw it out soon,” Eddie tells them through gritted teeth.

But this sends Christopher into a fit of tears, “No!” He shouts.

They all look over at him and he shakes his head, “You can’t throw out Buck’s stuff. He’s coming back.”

“He’s not coming back Christopher,” Abuela sighs.

“Yes, he is. He promised!” Christopher sobs.

“Damn him for making a promise and breaking it to him. He knows no shame,” Aunt Josephina growls.

“He’s coming back,” Christopher cries before running back towards his room as quickly as he can manage.

Eddie sends Abuela and Aunt Josephina off and cleans up before going to Christopher’s room finding him with his face buried in a pillow crying.

“Christopher...We need to talk about Buck,” Eddie sighs.

“No. You’re going to throw his stuff out and he’s coming back,” Christopher cries.

“It’s been months. He hasn’t called. He’s not coming back,” Eddie admits.

“Yes, he is! He promised,” Christopher sobs.

“He’s not Christopher. He left us,” Eddie says and he can feel his temper slipping, his anger becoming misplaced.

“Yes, he is!” Christopher shouts back at him, “He promised!”  
  


“People break promises. He broke his promise. He’s not coming back, Christopher. He left us, he didn’t even say goodbye,” Eddie shouts.

“He said goodbye!”

“No, he didn’t. He was here one day and then he left and he didn’t come back, and he’s not coming back, Christopher. We need to move on, I’m getting rid of his stuff, tomorrow,” Eddie yells.

“No!” Christopher cries, jumping up and grabbing his kaleidoscope, and running into the living room.

Eddie squeezes the space between his eyes with his fingers for a minute or two before getting up and walking into the living room. When he enters Christopher is nowhere to be found and neither are some of Buck’s things. The picture of him and his sister that was on one of the tables is gone, as is the photo of him graduating from the fire academy, the picture of the three of them is also gone. He tries to see what else Christopher took and recognizes that Buck’s favorite jacket that still hung on the coat rack is gone too.

“Christopher,” Eddie calls out.

He gets no answer and starts to scramble through the house trying to find him before coming up empty and the panic sets in that he’s gone outside.

He sprints into the streets looking and calling out his name. He certainly couldn’t have gotten too far on his crutches.

Eddie races back into the house prepared to call 911 when he hears a sniffling from underneath the sink.

He opens the cupboard to find Christopher with the photos held tight to his chest, his body wrapped up in Buck’s jacket.

“Christopher,’ Eddie starts.

“He’s gonna come back daddy, I know he is. You can’t get rid of his stuff,” Christopher cries.

“We...We need to move on...He’s left us,” Eddie tries.

“He promised. Please, daddy,” Christopher whimpers.

Eddie swallows and says, “You can keep his stuff if you want it. Maybe just keep it safe in your room.”  
  


“You’re giving up on him,” Christopher cries as Eddie lifts him out from underneath the sink crying.

Eddie doesn’t respond, just takes Christopher to bed and helps him set up the photos near his bedside with the kaleidoscope. He refuses to take off Buck’s jacket so Eddie lets him sleep in it as he tucks him into sleep.

He’s not giving up on Buck, not really, Eddie thinks. No. Buck gave up on him first.

Eddie goes from angry to just sad after that. They don’t talk about Buck. Christopher still carries a torch for him through the pictures in his room, the jacket he sometimes wraps himself in, and the kaleidoscope he treasures still.

Eddie, he tries to move on but really he’s just stuck in a misery he can’t get out of.

Hen doesn’t call and Eddie can’t bring himself to call her after the things he said.

But maybe it all comes to a head after nine months of Buck being gone when Eddie gets a call from Christopher’s school about Christopher getting into a fight.

It makes no sense. Christopher doesn’t fight and if there’s a fight someone else has been bullying his son.

He rushes down and finds Christopher with his head dropped low in the office.

“Christopher! What happened?” Eddie shouts as he enters the office.

Christopher doesn’t say anything he just keeps crying and holding one of his hands tightly in a fist.

“He got into a fight with a kid over a ring, I assume it’s yours. A kid took it from him and Christopher, well he was pretty upset so he fought over it,” the teacher explains

“A ring?” Eddie questions.

“A pretty expensive one by the looks of it,” the teacher nods.

“Where’s the ring?” Eddie asks.

The teacher nods towards Christopher and he sees Christopher again with his hand balled around something tightly.

“Christopher let me see,” Eddie tells him.

“No,” Christopher insists.

“Christopher now,” Eddie says in his serious voice.

Christopher hesitates before uncurling his fist, revealing the ring. Buck’s ring. His expensive engagement ring.

“Christopher where did you get this?” Eddie asks.

“He made me promise not to show you,” Christopher sobs.

“Who?” Eddie asks somewhat stupidly.

“Buck,” Christopher sobs.

Eddie blinks trying to think of when this happened. He was pretty sure Buck still had that ring on when he went back to New York the last time he saw him.

“Buck, is that your partner?” The teacher asks.

“Uh…,” Eddie swallows.

“I met him back a while ago when he took Christopher out for lunch,” she offers when he doesn’t answer.

Eddie blinks and asks, “When was this?”

“Oh, let me see,” the teacher hums trying to think before saying, “I think about nine months ago. Yeah, he took Christopher out for lunch for an hour or two and then brought him back before the school day ended.”

“Christopher?” Eddie questions.

“He made me promise,” Christopher sniffles.

“Made you promise what?” Eddie asks.

“That I wouldn’t tell you that he came to see me before he left. He said he had to say goodbye to me, and that he’d be back. He pinky swore. He told me to keep his ring safe until then,” Christopher whimpers.

Eddie takes Christopher home and tries to process this information. He should be happy maybe? Maybe this is the truth, Buck is going to come back. He hasn’t left him, he left the ring here, he promised Christopher.

But then his brain begins to interpret it a different way. Buck probably didn’t think Christopher would keep that promise from Eddie. He gave him the ring knowing Eddie would find it eventually. He never cared about the ring, he wouldn’t be coming back for it. He gave it to Christopher as a final goodbye and as something Eddie could sell and get money from. He’s not coming back at all.

It nearly sends Eddie to his knees. The realization, what feels like finality. Buck’s gone. He’s really left and he’s not coming back.

He’d been sad and angry, swore up and down to everyone that he knew Buck wasn’t coming back. But he never let himself truly believe it. Not till now.

If Christopher weren’t so attached to the ring, Eddie thinks he’d throw it off a bridge or into the ocean.

He doesn’t. Instead, he finds himself thinking about throwing himself instead. These days it’s only his obligation as a father that keeps him here.

But maybe he forgets that for a moment. Just a moment when he runs back into that burning building when he’s told not to cause it’s coming down any second.

\---

It’s been six months since Hen spoke to Eddie. She talks to Buck every week now though, cause she can now. Eddie never calls, so Hen is kind of surprised when she gets a call from his number.

“Eddie,” Hen swallows bracing herself for his attack like last time.

“No. Actually, it’s his friend, Chimney,” the voice on the other end says.

“Uh...why?” Hen starts.

“Eddie told me you have contact with Buck. That you’re his friend,” Chimney says.

“I don’t have contact with him,” Hen lies.

“Eddie’s hurt.”

“What?” Hen asks.

“He’s been injured badly. We responded for a fire, he ran back in against orders. He’s still out...he’s been...he’s been a mess since Buck left. I think...I think maybe he did it on purpose,” Chimney says.

“I…,” Hen begins.

“I just thought maybe you should tell Buck. You know next time you talk to him,” Chimney says coldly before hanging up.

Hen swallows before quickly dialing the number Buck gave her.

“Hen,” Buck answers with a heavy sigh, “We talked three days ago. Once a week isn’t good enough anymore?”  
  


“Buck, it’s Eddie,” Hen says.

Buck goes silent and swallows, “What? Eddie?”  
  


“He’s hurt, Buck. Chimney called, said he’s badly injured. In a fire. He thinks Eddie maybe ran back in on purpose,” Hen tells him.

“What? No...Eddie wouldn’t do that. He has Christopher and he’s…,” Buck stutters.

“He’s hurting Buck. He’s really hurting,” Hen whispers.

“I...I just Hen...I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to protect him,” Buck says.

“Larry is engaged again, Buck. Athena says the PI’s aren’t around anymore,” Hen says.

“If there’s any chance I’m putting them in danger,” Buck tries.

“Buck...You being gone is doing more harm than good. Eddie’s hurt now.” 

Buck swallows and says, “Hen.”

“You need to go back,” Hen says.

“He’s going to hate me.”

“He needs you,” Hen insists.

Buck sniffs and says, “I’ve missed him so much, Hen.”

“I know. Now go back to him,” Hen says before hanging up.

\---

Buck rushes through packing his things as quickly as he can before getting into his car and driving as fast as he can from the motel he’s been staying in some remote Montana town, all the way to Texas.

He practically trips over himself on the way into the hospital speeding up to the floor the nurses tell him Eddie’s on. When he gets there he’s greeted by the sight of possibly his only fan and the people who can’t possibly hate him more.

It’s Abuela and Aunt Josephina who see him first and their faces dissolve into pure hatred. But then Christopher spots him and his face breaks into the biggest smile as he hops off Abuela’s lap and rushes towards him until he crashes into Buck’s arms.

“Buck, you came back, I knew you would,” Christopher cries arms wrapped around Buck’s neck.

Buck lifts him into his arms and kisses his forehead and says, “I promised you. I’m so sorry I’ve been gone so long.”

“Daddy’s hurt,” Christopher sniffles.

  
“I know, buddy, I know. He’ll be okay, he will, he’s tough,” Buck whispers.

Christopher clings to him and says, “He’s been so sad. We miss you so much.”  
  


“I missed you too. All the time, Christopher.”

It’s then that Aunt Josephina and Abuela come up and Josephina crosses her arms before saying, “What are you doing here?”  
  


Buck swallows and says, “I heard Eddie was hurt.”

“And what business is it of yours? You left,” Abuela says.

“I…” Buck starts to say.

“You should do what you do best and leave,” Aunt Josephina says, reaching to take Christopher from Buck’s arms.

“No! Buck, no! Don’t leave, please don’t go,” Christopher sobs clinging to Buck tighter.

Buck holds Christopher tightly and whispers, “Don’t worry, I’m not.”

He turns to Abuela and Josephina and says, “I’m not leaving. I will if Eddie wakes and tell me to. But otherwise, I’m staying.”

Several hours go by and Eddie still doesn’t wake, so Abuela and Josephina leave with Christopher, which admittedly takes a lot of coercion and assurances that Buck won’t go anywhere.

“I’ll be right here when you come back tomorrow. I’m going to stay with your daddy so he’s not alone,” Buck says.

“But I want to stay with you, Buck,” Christopher cries.

“You need to sleep in your own bed and eat good food. I promise I’ll be here. I kept my last promise right? I came back,” Buck smiles gently.

  
Christopher stares at him before nodding and then holding his pinky out, “Pinky promise?”   
  


Buck smiles and nods, “Pinky promise,” before hooking his finger around Christopher’s and kissing his cheek, and sending him off with Abuela and Eddie’s aunt.

Buck sighs heavily once he’s alone and walks into Eddie’s room and sits at his bedside staring into that face. That beautiful face he’s betrayed and left and caused all this hurt to.

Buck takes Eddie’s hand in his and presses a kiss to his knuckles before whispering, “I’m so sorry, Eddie. I’m so sorry.”

Eddie stays sleeping as Buck sits beside him clutching his hand in his. The exhaustion finally takes him over. He hasn’t slept since Hen called him more than 24 hours ago and all his energy is long gone. His head falls down to bed alongside Eddie’s hand still wrapped tightly in his own. 

\---

When Eddie wakes up everything feels hazy and as the fog starts to clear he sees a hospital room coming into view but he can’t remember how he got here. So it must be a dream. His eyes search around aimlessly before finally landing on something beside him, a person beside them.

Once he realizes who it is he knows, it’s definitely a dream.

He’s had this dream nearly a hundred times. Dreams of Buck coming back to him, they’re nearly a nightly occurrence. One that’s good while it happens, but hurts to wake up from.

He squeezes Buck’s hand in his and watches as Buck’s head rises and his eyes widen at the sight of him, “Eddie. Eddie, you’re awake, you’re okay.”

“Relatively speaking. I don’t remember how I got here,” Eddie grumbles.

Buck stands and says, “Do you need anything?”

“Mmm...water, I’m a little thirsty,” Eddie admits which is a little odd considering most of his dreams all needs like that cease to exist.

“I’ve got you,” Buck nods and grabs the cup near his bed with the straw leading it to Eddie’s lips.

Eddie sips and stares at Buck carefully. Something’s different. Different from his normal dreams of him. He doesn’t look how he remembers seeing Buck ever. He instead sees someone who looks absolutely worn. He’s in clothes that are far simpler than what Buck normally wears even in his dreams. His hair is a little longer, curly even, it’s different.

“Your hair...it’s different,” Eddie comments.

“Yeah...I haven’t gotten a haircut in a while. It gets curly if I let it grow too long,” Buck blushes.

“Where’s Christopher?” Eddie asks next.

Buck swallows and says, “With your Abuela and your aunt. He needed to rest...I stayed. They’re not the biggest fans of me right now, obviously.”

Eddie blinks and then watches as Buck starts to break down, “Eddie...I’m so sorry. I did this to you, I’m so sorry. I was always going to come back, I was just trying to keep you safe and not ruin your life, but I ruined it. I’m so sorry,”

Eddie begins to process this and it starts to click, this isn’t a dream, Buck’s really here in front of him.

The tears start to spring to his eyes with the realization and he swallows around the lump in his throat, “Buck? You’re really here?”

“Yeah, I’m here...Eddie?” Buck questions.

Eddie bursts forward despite the ache that comes from doing so and wraps Buck in his arms holding him close, cause he can’t let him go.

Buck buries his face in Eddie’s shoulder and whispers, “Eddie...I’m so sorry.”  
  


“You’re here,” Eddie repeats.

“I’m here,” Buck nods, “But if you want me to go, I will. I understand you hating me, I deserve you hating me.”  
  


“No,” Eddie shouts quickly and tightens his hold impossibly so around Buck, “Don’t go. Please don’t go again.”

“I won’t leave you again, Eddie. I’m sorry. I won’t go. As long as you want me I’m here. I’m so sorry,” Buck whimpers.

Eddie clutches Buck like his life depends on it and whispers, “You really came back to me.”

“I couldn’t leave you forever, Eds.”

“I thought you moved on. You told Hen to stop telling me when you called.”  
  


“I thought it’d be easier. That you could move on even if I couldn’t. I didn’t want your life to stop because of me,” Buck cries into Eddie’s shoulder as he holds him.

“I couldn’t move on Buck. I...I love you,” Eddie cries.

“Still?” Buck asks softly.

“Always,” Eddie whimpers.

“I love you too, always. I thought of you every day. I missed you every second,” Buck cries.

\---

Abuela and Josephina come back after Buck calls them. It does nothing to put him in their good graces though. They still look at him like an insect that needs to be squashed, especially now that Christopher and Eddie are both clinging to him and obviously not letting him go. Buck knows he deserves it. He deserves their hate. He deserves Eddie and Christopher’s but they don’t hate him, they need him desperately, as much as he needs them. So that’s all that matters right now.

The doctors let Eddie go not long after. Buck is getting rough. He hasn’t left the hospital since and he desperately needs a shower and good sleep and food, but right now all that matters is Christopher and Eddie. He can wait.

He drives Eddie and Christopher home and when he steps into the house his eyes search it for changes and he finds them. His stuff is missing. He doesn’t blame Eddie for getting rid of it. He deserves that too. But the whole place is different than he remembers. It’s bleaker and Buck knows he did this. Sucked the happiness straight out.

Buck puts his hands in his pockets feeling more out of place than he did the first time he came here. Like he doesn’t belong. He doesn’t deserve to belong.

Christopher smiles though and grabs his hand and says, “Buck, Buck, I kept all your things safe. They’re in my room, come look.”

Buck blinks and takes Christopher’s hand following, with Eddie trailing close behind. He hasn’t let Buck out of his sight for a second since he came back.

When he enters Christopher’s room it’s become a sort of shrine to him. All his pictures and stuff are there, even most of his clothes. He grabs the picture of himself and Maddie and holds it close. He was worried he’d lost it for good like he was worried he lost Christopher and Eddie for good.

“I kept your ring safe, Buck, see,” Christopher says, handing it to him quickly.

Buck takes it and feels a pain in his gut, it was never about the ring. He hates this ring. It was about Christopher having a piece of him. It was never the ring he was coming back for.

“Thank you,” Buck smiles and leans down and hugs Christopher, “You did a really good job at keeping your promise.”  
  


Christopher bites his lip nervously and says, “Daddy knows.”

Buck swallows and glances at Eddie standing in the doorway.

“He took it with him to school. Some kid took it from him, he got into a fight over it,” Eddie explains.

Buck feels the shame wash over him in a big tidal wave, “Eddie I’m…”

“Sorry, yeah, I know,” Eddie says shortly.

Buck swallows and expects Eddie to leave but he doesn’t, he continues to stand in the doorway. Buck thinks that he doesn’t trust him anymore with Christopher, and it’s fair cause he shouldn’t. Not when he broke both their hearts.

Christopher and Eddie follow after him the rest of the day till bedtime, when Buck reads Christopher his bedtime story and tucks him in, all under the watchful eye of Eddie.

When Buck leaves the room Eddie follows him out, silent. He hasn’t said a word to him since Christopher gave him back the ring. But he hasn’t left his side either.

Buck cleans up around the house with Eddie not far behind and he swallows before he says, “I need to take a shower.”

Eddie doesn’t say anything but follows him back to the bedroom and Buck stops before the bedroom before he swallows and asks, “Did you want to talk? Maybe…”

“No,” Eddie says plainly.

Buck nods and starts the shower and gets under it when the spray turns warm. He shuts his eyes for a moment before he starts to sing low under his breath to calm himself down.

‘ _Clear blue water_

_High tide came and brought you in_

_And I could go on and on, on and on and I will_

_Skies grew darker_

_Currents swept you out again_

_And you were just gone and gone, gone and gone_

_In silent screams and wildest dreams_

_I never dreamed of this_

_This love is good, this love is bad_

_This love is alive back from the dead, oh-oh, oh_

_These hands had to let it go free, and_

_This love came back to me, oh-oh, oh_

_Oh-oh, oh, oh-oh, oh_

_Tossing, turning_

_Struggled through the night with someone new_

_And I could go on and on, on and on_

_Lantern, burning_

_Flickered in my mind, only you_

_But you were still gone, gone, gone_

_Been losing grip, on sinking ships_

_You showed up just in time_

_This love is good, this love is bad_

_This love is alive back from the dead,_

_These hands had to let it go free, and_

_This love came back to me,_

_This love left a permanent mark_

_This love is glowing in the dark,_

_These hands had to let it go free, and_

_This love came back to me,_

_Your kiss, my cheek_

_I watched you leave_

_Your smile, my ghost_

_I fell to my knees_

_When you're young, you just run_

_But you come back to what you need_

_This love is good, this love is bad_

_This love is alive back from the dead,_

_These hands had to let it go free, and_

_This love came back to me_ ’

He sings through the whole song while he washes himself off and works the shampoo through his hair. It puts him at ease in these surroundings he knows but still feels a stranger in.

When he opens the shower curtain he finds Eddie still in the bathroom, sitting on the toilet lid looking up at him.

At this point, Buck blushes knowing Eddie heard him singing before he wraps himself in a towel and looks at Eddie carefully, “Are...Are you okay Eddie? Do you need anything?” 

“No,” Eddie answers shortly.

Buck nods and feels uneasy all over again as he walks from the bathroom and thinks maybe Eddie doesn’t even trust him in his house anymore.

Again, Buck thinks this is plenty fair.

He pulls on his clothes for bed alongside Eddie before he stops and swallows, “You know...If...if you wanted me to leave it’s okay. I know you said you didn’t want me to at the hospital, but you were really hurt, so it makes sense. If you want me to go, I can,” Buck says.

Eddie’s jaw sets hard and he says, “You want to leave.”

“No!” Buck says quickly, “I just thought maybe you want me to.”

“Did I ask you to leave?” Eddie questions.

“No,” Buck starts.

“Then I want you here. I’m plenty capable of voicing what I want,” Eddie huffs and climbs into the bed.

Buck swallows and says, “I could sleep on the couch.”

“If that’s what you want,” Eddie says his eyes darting towards the door.

“What do you want Eddie?” Buck asks.

“Why ask? You’ll do what you think is best,” Eddie shoots back.

Well, at least he’s being honest now. He’s angry and he should be. It’s something Buck’s used to anger. Forgiveness isn’t normal to him, this is.

Buck sits down on the bed and says, “You’re angry.”

There’s no response and Buck nods and whispers, “I deserve that. Your anger. But...if you ask me for something Eddie. I’ll...I’ll do it. I know I don’t have a good track record, but...I’ll do whatever you want.”

Eddie is quiet and Buck thinks maybe Eddie can’t ask for what he wants, not really. He doesn’t trust he’ll get it, he doesn’t trust Buck to not do the opposite.

So he decides to start asking if he can.

“Can I sleep next to you?” Buck asks softly.

“Yeah,” Eddie sighs.

Buck crawls under the sheets and lays there uncomfortably before asking, “Can I hold you?”

Eddie’s quiet and Buck tries again, “Can you hold me?”

Eddie rolls over and wraps his arm around Buck’s waist in answer and Buck sighs at his touch.

It becomes a routine like everything else in their life after that. Buck mostly spends his days at home at first, doing everything but under Eddie’s watchful eye. This goes on for about two weeks before Eddie is cleared for work and that’s when things really start to become difficult.

Buck takes over on doing things like taking Christopher to school and cooking dinner and doing house stuff. All things he knew he’d have to do before, but it’s not the same as it would have been. Eddie doesn’t trust him like he did. Buck does his best to rebuild that trust. He’s never late for anything and he always lets Eddie know where he’s going and what he’s doing, not that he gets much response back to know if it’s helpful. He knows Eddie checks to make sure he’s got Christopher and the important things down though, cause again, the trust that he will do it is gone.

Christopher’s trust comes back easily though and if things are bad with Eddie, they’re great with Christopher. The boy still loves him just as much, maybe even more now that he has Buck at his disposal at any time.

His presence only seems to annoy Abuela and aunt Josephina. The nights they take Christopher are lonely. Eddie doesn’t talk to him really. He watches him, follows him through the house wherever he goes, but they don’t really speak outside of Buck telling him what he’s doing or asking if he can do things.

Then there are the nightmares. The cold sweats Eddie wakes up in once he goes back to work. How he reaches desperately for Buck and needs every assurance that he’s there. They’re the only thing that tells him that Eddie still loves him, cause he knows how Eddie’s deepest fear is him leaving again.

It’s why Buck never lets himself fall from Eddie’s radar.

He’s been back about four months, with the same chilly reception from Eddie, when Eddie at least begins touching him again.

It starts with just him guiding Buck places when they’re with Christopher or reaching out for him first in bed.

Then comes the sex and falling back into bed together. But now Eddie’s on top and Buck knows what it means. That Eddie doesn’t trust him anymore to be vulnerable and open like he used to.

It hurts. But then again everything about this hurts. Knowing he’ll probably never have what they had before. Knowing what they could have had.

Buck wouldn’t describe Eddie as angry really. He doesn’t yell or shout. No, Eddie is more along the lines of apathetic towards him. He’s in a constant state of neutrality.

Buck almost misses the anger.

A month later he gets a taste of it though and thinks he was completely wrong to ever miss it.

Buck cares deeply about being timely, never being late. But one day it’s a mixture of something he can’t control and carelessness.

Buck can’t help that the line at the supermarket is long and takes far longer than he told Eddie he’d be gone for. He can’t help that the traffic makes it so it takes him over an hour to get home. But he forgot his phone and that’s on him. His being two hours late in getting home isn’t his fault. Him being unable to warn Eddie is.

When Buck enters the house he knows immediately it’s not good. Eddie sitting on the couch eyes watching the door with a hard stare.

Buck swallows and carries the stuff to the kitchen and then whispers, “Eddie...I’m so sorry.”

“Where were you?” Eddie’s voice comes through.

“The store. The line was ridiculous and the traffic even worse.”  
  


“And you couldn’t let me know because?” Eddie asks.

“I forgot my phone.”

  
“I thought you were dead or...left,” Eddie grumbles out.

“I wouldn’t…”  
  


“You have!” Eddie shouts back.

Buck nods and says, “I know. But I’m not going to…”

“Sure, and I have every reason to believe you,” Eddie scoffs.

“I’m trying,” Buck whispers.

“It’s not enough,” Eddie screams.

“I know,” Buck says, “I know it’s not enough. I don’t know what more to do Eddie. I’ll do whatever it is.”

Eddie just crosses his arms and sits back down on the couch cause no matter what, no matter how angry he is he doesn’t ever let Buck out of his sight, cause it terrifies him. That much Buck knows.

Buck puts away the groceries and then comes to sit beside Eddie pressing close to his side. The silence is murder but, Eddie always allows this. The touch that lets him know he’s still here. Whatever form they come in, he allows them.

He lets Buck rest his head on his shoulder and hold onto him, and Buck holds onto that. That hope.

And he’s not alone, not completely. He has Christopher who always talks to him and is quick to wrap him up in the tightest hugs whenever he sees him, and that never gets old, knowing how much he loves him, knowing he loves Christopher back just as much. Knowing that the pair of them almost take after each other more than Eddie and Christopher do and that people see them together and think he is responsible for Christopher. And in truth that’s Buck’s biggest responsibility of them all, Christopher.

Then there’s Hen who calls regularly, but Buck always lies to her. Doesn’t tell her about his problems getting through to Eddie that they don’t talk. That Buck can’t do anything without letting Eddie know first because Eddie’s not Eddie anymore, he’s just his fear of Buck leaving.

It’s been six months of this when he finally tells her after she hears his voice start to break around his name.

“Buck...what’s going on?” Hen asks.

“Things aren’t good like I said, Hen. I mean Christopher’s perfect and I love Eddie and I think he still loves me, but things are...they’re not…”

“Buck what is it?” Hen asks the worry in her voice.

“We don’t talk,” Buck whispers.

“What?” Hen questions.

“He doesn’t talk to me. I mean he says little things like yes, no, and okay or tells me he's fine, but we don’t talk.”  
  
“What do you mean you don’t talk?” Hen hisses.

“He won’t...I tell him everything I do cause he’s terrified I’ll leave again. We touch sometimes and sometimes we have sex, but we don’t talk.”  
  


“Buck,” Hen says.

“I deserve…,” Buck starts.

“No, you don’t,” Hen growls.

“I left.”

“You came back though. You didn’t want to leave and he’s punishing…”

“I did it. It was my choice and I didn’t include him on it.”

“I know and that was stupid, but you’re trying, Buck. And you’re there...he shouldn’t…”

“I broke his heart by leaving him,” Buck whispers.

“And it broke your heart to leave him too. I talked to you, Buck. You weren’t living it up. You were miserable. You cried every single day, does he know that?” Hen asks.

“He won’t talk to me Hen. He shuts me out,” Buck sniffs.

“Buck...This isn’t right. You…,” Hen starts to say.

“It’s fair Hen. Anyways I’ve gotta. I’ve gotta pick Christopher up from school. I can’t be late,” Buck says quickly before hanging up.

\---

The next day Hen calls Eddie directly.

“Hen?” Eddie questions.

“You’re an asshole,” Hen says automatically.

“Excuse me?” Eddie asks.

“You’re punishing him. You’re punishing him. It’s been six months and you’re punishing him,” Hen says.

“He left…,” Eddie says, his jaw setting in a hardline immediately getting defensive.

“To protect you. Yes, it was stupid not to keep you in the no, but he did it to protect you and Christopher,” Hen says.

“Months he left me hanging, not knowing if he was alright. He had my kid lying to me,” Eddie shouts.

“Do you think he was off having a good time, Eddie? No, he was miserable every single fucking day. He had no one. He didn’t want to burden me, but when I did get him on the phone he cried every single time over what was going on with me, about missing you and Christopher. He hated leaving you. It wasn’t something he wanted to do. He was finally getting his chance to be happy, but that was snatched from him just as much as you,” Hen growls at him.

“He…,” Eddie starts.

“And he had Christopher lie because he didn’t want you to be stuck waiting for him. He wanted you to move on if you could. But he knew Christopher was a child who had his own mother leave him. He wasn’t going to do that to him. He was protecting your kid from even that,” Hen hisses.

“I can’t trust him,” Eddie says.

“Then why are you keeping him there. He’s been doing everything he can to show you he’s still there, that he intends to stay, that he still loves you for the past six months. If you’re not able to trust him then what kind of relationship is that. You should let him go.”

“I can’t,” Eddie whispers, “I can’t let him go, Hen. I love him.”  
  


“Love requires trust and speaking to one another. What you have isn’t love. It’s control,” Hen chastizes him.

“I do love him, Hen. And I don’t want him to leave,” Eddie whispers.

“Eddie you’ve been torturing him with what you’re doing. He’s still there. I and anyone else would have left your ass. Buck’s still there. He’s not going anywhere, but I will drag him kicking and screaming if this continues,” Hen insists, “So let him go.”

“I’m not...I can’t...Hen I love Buck. He’s...I love him so much, I just…,” Eddie sniffs.

“Then fucking do better, Eddie,” Hen shouts at him before hanging up.

The words hit Eddie hard in the gut and he knows instantly he’s fucked this up so bad. He’s been punishing Buck. Not opening up to him even a bit. They’ve been living like ghosts together. He’s kept Buck here but he’s blocked out everything but his presence. It’s not right. But trusting doesn’t come easy.

When he gets home earlier than he intended finds Christopher on the couch playing video games with Buck nowhere in sight.

The panic starts to take over, but he quickly tries to reign it in as he turns to Christopher and asks, “Where’s Buck?”  
  


“In the shower,” Christopher answers back.

Eddie walks down the hall to their bedroom and begins to hear Buck’s soft song.

He always sings in the shower and it’s always Taylor Swift. It brings a rush of fondness and a small smile to his face at the humor of it. Ever since that first night back when Buck sang in the shower, it hasn’t changed. Eddie doesn’t listen entirely. He knows it’s Taylor Swift, but he doesn’t really keep track of the songs. At least not without thinking hard on it.

When he reaches the bedroom he begins to catch the lyrics of the song Buck is singing.

‘ _Looking at it now_

_Last December_

_We were built to fall apart_

_Then fall back together_

_Ooh, your necklace hanging from my neck_

_The night we couldn't quite forget_

_When we decided, we decided_

_To move the furniture so we could dance_

_Baby, like we stood a chance_

_Two paper airplanes flying, flying, flying_

_And I remember thinking_

_Are we out of the woods yet?_

_Are we out of the woods yet?_

_Are we out of the woods yet?_

_Are we out of the woods?_

_Are we in the clear yet?_

_Are we in the clear yet?_

_Are we in the clear yet?_

_In the clear yet, good_

_Are we out of the woods yet?_

_Are we out of the woods yet?_

_Are we out of the woods yet?_

_Are we out of the woods?_

_Are we in the clear yet?_

_Are we in the clear yet?_

_Are we in the clear yet?_

_In the clear yet, good_

_Remember when you hit the brakes too soon?_

_Twenty stitches in a hospital room_

_When you started crying, baby, I did too_

_But when the sun came up, I was looking at you_

_Remember when we couldn't take the heat?_

_I walked out, I said "I'm setting you free"_

_But the monsters turned out to be just trees_

_When the sun came up you were looking at me’_

Something Eddie’s not too sure about makes the hair on the back of his neck prickle and sting.

He thinks back to the other times he’s heard Buck singing and then it clicks why it bothers him. For the first month or two, the songs he heard him sing were all about good love or love prevailing. 

He thinks of the songs he heard Buck singing then.

This Love, Daylight, Lover, Delicate, Call It What You Want, and You Are In Love.

All songs that are bright and happy or about something good.

But now if he thinks of what he’s heard Buck singing lately, it’s not that at all.

He’s singing Out of the Woods now, and if Eddie remembers he heard him singing All You Had to Do Was Stay, Sad Beautiful Tragic, Cornelia Street, and All Too Well. All tragic love ending or possibly losing love songs and he realizes just how bad things are. He may not lose Buck by him leaving, but he’ll lose what he fell for in Buck. That happy and hopeful Buck who loves with an open heart no matter how much he’s been hurt. 

Eddie swallows and knocks on the bathroom door gently and calls out his name gently, “Buck.”

The singing stops and he hears the water turn off and Buck calls back, ”Eddie? Do you need something?”

“No...Uh, I was just seeing what you were going to do for dinner?” Eddie asks and then cringes at himself.

“I was going to make this crispy parmesan chicken with some uh...sides but...I guess I should have asked before, or if you’re hungry I could get started now,” Buck stutters out.

“No,” Eddie says quickly, “Uh...it’s good, uh perfect but I uh...I could cook dinner instead tonight if you have the recipe.”

“I...uh...I do it’s printed out and on the counter, but it’s uh...it’s fine. I can do it, Eddie,” Buck says quickly and Eddie watches him get out of the shower wrapping a towel around his waist.

“No, really I want to cook tonight,” Eddie lies. He hates cooking and his cooking gives at best a bad taste in someone's mouth and at worst food poisoning.

“Right. If you want to then...yeah,” Buck says nervously.

Eddie nods and says, “Uh you can relax. Maybe play video games with Christopher?”

“Yeah, of course, I will,” Buck swallows.

“Good,” Eddie smiles gently before going out to the kitchen and finding the recipe.

It takes only a glance to see that this is a bad idea. It requires cooking meat first off, which means it’s already risking food poisoning. But then there are the sides which include fresh green beans which should be easy but Eddie’s never cooked any that weren’t just microwaved from a can. But worst is that Buck also has something called couscous planned as a side and Eddie doesn’t even know what that is.

He hears Buck come out and watches as he stands staring at him for a moment before stepping forward shyly and asking, "You sure you don’t want me to take care of dinner.”

Eddie swallows and says, “Maybe...this seems beyond my skill set, but uh...I can help.”

“You don’t need to,” Buck says, stepping into the kitchen.

“No, I want to,” Eddie says quickly, “I mean you probably should handle most of it, but I could do the simple stuff like what you’d have Christopher do.”  
  


“Pretty sure Christopher’s more capable than you in the kitchen,” Buck says before his cheeks turn red and he looks down, “Sorry, I didn’t mean…”

“No, you’re right,” Eddie chuckles and says, “Just uh...put me to work.”  
  


Buck nods and then tasks him with gathering the different ingredients. He shows Eddie how to dredge the chicken and then lets him handle that before he starts working on the sides. As Eddie does his bit he watches as Buck gets some water boiling on the stove and trims the green beans, something Eddie wouldn’t have even thought to do.

“Buck?” Eddie asks.

“Yeah?” Buck says head shooting up ready to help.

“What’s couscous?” Eddie asks.

Buck blinks at him before laughing softly, and it fills Eddie up to hear that sound again. To hear him make it in response to him rather than just Christopher. He didn’t even think about how much he missed this. Didn’t think about how icing Buck out only fed his fear of him leaving.

“It’s a grain. Kind of like rice, but it’s like a little ball-shaped. It’s a Morrocan dish,” Buck explains.

Eddie nods and says, “You’ll be handling that right.”  
  


Buck smiles a bit and says, “I might have you stir it.”

“That I can do,” Eddie nods.

Buck grins and takes Eddie’s chicken from him so that he can fry it, something that is clearly a Buck job, while he tasks Eddie with the stirring.

“You have to stir from the bottom,” Buck tells him some time into the ordeal.

“What?” Eddie asks.

“You have to stir from the bottom and up, otherwise it’ll cook unevenly,” Buck explains.

“Guess I spoke too soon on being able to handle stirring,” Eddie laughs nervously.

“No. You’re doing good,” Buck assures and walks over to his side before taking over.

Eddie smiles watching him and carefully presses himself against Buck from behind as he stirs. While he and Buck have been touching, this feels more intimate than anything they’ve done in the past six months, including sex.

He hears Buck’s breathing halt for a second before he goes on stirring and Eddie leans down to press a kiss to the back of Buck’s neck, feeling him shiver in his arms.

“Eddie,” Buck breathes out.

Eddie wraps his arms around Buck’s waist tightly before resting his cheek against his back. And Eddie could cry because he realizes that while Buck’s been here for the past six months it’s like he hasn’t been because it’s lacked this. He hasn’t let Buck in and he’s felt alone still. That all the pain he’s been stuck feeling and putting the blame on Buck for thinking it was from the past is because of this. Because he hasn’t allowed himself to have this with Buck.

“Are you okay?” Buck asks carefully.

“Yeah, I’m more than okay. You’re here,” Eddie whispers.

“I am,” Buck says before he whispers, “I’m not going anywhere, Eddie.”

“I know,” Eddie breathes and he does. He does know that now. 

Buck finishes up dinner while Eddie charges himself with the plating and has Christopher set the table before they all sit down together.

They talk more during dinner than they have in the past six months. He can feel Buck giving him odd nervous glances every couple of minutes. Eddie knows it must seem like a switch has just flipped and maybe it is like that.

It feels like it a little. Like Eddie finally can see past his own pain that he’s been wallowing in to see Buck’s hurting too, and not even that but that he’s also been hurting himself.

They put Christopher to bed before heading off to bed themselves.

“Buck,” Eddie says once he’s laid down and Buck’s still changing.

“Yeah?” Buck asks.

“Hold me tonight?” Eddie asks softly. 

Buck blinks at him before nodding, “Yeah.”

Eddie hasn’t let Buck hold him since he came back, it goes hand and hand with the trust he supposes. The same reason why every time they have sex now, Eddie tops, cause it requires a certain release of control and vulnerability.

Buck climbs into bed and gently pulls Eddie into his arms and Eddie feels the relief wash over him at Buck’s touch. Feels what he used to when Buck held him. That feeling that he’s sinking into the safest of places. Where not a single thing in the world can hurt him.

He nestles into Buck’s chest and finds that falling asleep which always takes time comes way easier now.

He keeps up the behavior for the next couple of weeks and he finds that the bad dreams of Buck disappear with it. Buck still updates him regularly though because Eddie doesn’t know how to tell him that he doesn’t have to.

He knows how but he knows that to do so would require an actual conversation about the last six months. Eddie wants to just flip this switch and forget those six months where he was horrible to Buck, but the evidence of them lingers everywhere on Buck. Buck still behaves with caution and it’s obvious Eddie can’t just bury this, cause Buck won’t change without Eddie’s say so, he feels too guilty and Eddie did that. Eddie will have to admit his own failings here, which is never easy.

And maybe when the talk comes it’s not at the best of times.

It’s fall and Buck gets the flu which is rational since Christopher was sick the previous week and 

Buck was the one taking care of him. It’s only natural he gets it too. But Buck doesn’t accept this fact.

“I’m fine,” Buck barely manages to croak out when Eddie tries to get him back into bed.

“You’re not fine, Buck. You’re sick. You have the flu, like Christopher did,” Eddie argues.

“I don’t,” Buck argues back, it figures the only time he’d argue with Eddie is when he’s sick, and not arguing would mean he has to do nothing.

“Buck,” Eddie says as he watches Buck move around the kitchen in a sort of haze. He starts the coffee and forgets it promptly to help Christopher find his coat. Loses track of the keys. He’s a disaster.

Eddie felt his forehead this morning enough to know his fever is well over a hundred. And judging by the way he watches Buck pull on multiple layers that would be warm for a blizzard when it’s only sixty degrees lets him know it’s a bad one and that he has chills too.

“I’m fine Eddie. It’s just a little cold,” Buck reasons as he finds the keys.

“You really think it’s safe to drive Christopher to school like this?” Eddie asks.

This stops Buck dead in his tracks. It’s not what Eddie wants to do. Buck carries enough guilt. The last thing Eddie wants to do is guilt-trip him.

“I…,” Buck starts and says, “Maybe you should. But I’ve got stuff to do around here, I’m not laying down.”

Eddie frowns, he could cut his losses here he’s at least won the battle of Buck not leaving the house, but if Buck’s going to get well he needs to rest.

Eddie crosses his arms and says, “Buck, you need to rest.”

“I’ll be fine,” Buck waves him off.

“What about Christopher?” Eddie asks

“I said I won’t drive him, Eddie,” Buck whines and Eddie knows that he’s really sick cause he lets out an actual whine like a child.

“No, but you spent all last week telling him how important it was for him to rest, eat his soup, take his medicine, and drink his water. What kind of example are you setting for our son if you don’t follow suit?” Eddie questions.

“I…,” Buck starts before his brain seems to stop him and he wrinkles his forehead to process Eddie’s words.

Eddie thinks it’s Buck’s fever again making it hard for him to process simple meanings before he gets to why Buck’s stalled at just about the same time Buck does.

_Our son._

He said our son. He called Christopher their son. Their equal parts son. Of course, Eddie’s always felt that for a long time, but he’s never quite said it like that. Said the words exactly like that with such ease.

Buck meets his eyes and his cheeks flush a bit before he nods, “You’re right, Eddie. I’ll uh...I’ll go lie down.”

Eddie nods before walking over to Buck and wrapping him up tightly in his arms cause he can’t help it.

He feels Buck hold onto him tightly too and Eddie presses a kiss to Buck’s jaw feeling the heat of Buck’s fever radiating off him.

“Thank you,” he whispers before letting Buck go and leaving to take Christopher to school.

He feels lucky that he has the day off to take care of Buck during the worst of the sickness.

He comes home shortly after dropping Christopher off, and after a trip to the store as well, stocking back up on medicine and soup.

When he gets home Buck’s in bed asleep under mountains of covers, his face plastered to the pillow via sweat.

Eddie makes the soup which he knows won’t be nearly as good as Buck’s cure-all homemade chicken noodle soup that he made for Christopher, but it’s something. He goes in around lunchtime, not wanting to wake Buck up but he thinks he better get water, medicine, and food into Buck so this can be over quicker.

“Buck,” Eddie says gently rubbing his shoulder.

“What?” Buck asks springing up in bed suddenly.

“Shh...it’s okay. Just want to get some water, soup, and medicine into you,” Eddie says.

“You don’t have to take care of me,” Buck barely manages to get out.

“I’m your boyfriend. It’s in the job description,” Eddie smiles gently.

Buck returns it with his own smile and sits more upright and sighs, “Alright then doctor, what’s first?”  
  


“You want to get the worst out of the way or save it for last?” Eddie asks.

“Save it,” Buck says.

It’s very like Buck to delay the pain for as long as possible, whereas Eddie would just rather get it out of the way.

“Alright then, water and soup first,” Eddie smiles and brings the bowl around.

“I can feed myself, Eddie,” Buck sighs.  
  
“So can I, but you never let that stop you,” Eddie counters.

Buck sighs and says, “You’re a terrible patient.”

Eddie thinks it’s the only time Buck has ignored his requests the last six months was when he was sick with some odd bug during the summer. Eddie wanted to just crawl off somewhere and die in peace or be sick in peace, but Buck wouldn’t let him. He forced the medicine, water, and soup into him.

“You’re not much better,” Eddie tells him and starts to feed Buck the soup spoonful by spoonful till it’s all gone.

He gets a whole bottle of water into Buck shortly after and he hears Buck sigh heavily, “Now for the bad part.”

“It won’t be so bad, I promise,” Eddie says.

“I’ve tasted that stuff, Eddie. It’s nasty,” he huffs as Eddie pours the liquid out.

“What? It’s like alcohol,” Eddie argues.

“Not the good kind,” Buck comments.

Eddie sighs and says, “Alright this bit is gonna suck, but the next won’t okay?” 

Buck takes the medicine from him and throws it back, his face wrinkling up in disgust.

  
He groans and then sighs, “What’s the next part?”

Eddie smiles and pulls out the Vicks vapor rub and Buck sighs, “I know you like the smell, but I don’t.”

“Oh it’s not about the smell,” Eddie chuckles as he takes off the lid.

“Then what?” Buck frowns in confusion.

Eddie grins and takes some of it on his fingers before letting his hand slip underneath Buck’s shirt and move slowly up his chest.

“This bit is the good part,” Eddie tells him as he lets his hands move across Buck’s chest slow and tender.

Buck blinks up at him before his eyes shut slowly and he groans, “Yeah, this bit I could get used to.”

Eddie sits on Buck’s lap and continues working his hands up and down his chest, “Me too,” Eddie hums and moves his lips to kiss along Buck’s jaw and neck.

Buck moans softly from underneath him and whimpers as Eddie sucks a mark on his neck, “Eddie, you’re gonna get yourself sick too.”

“I don’t care,” Eddie breathes out, “Not the way I’d like to spend time off work, but I’d still be here with you,” he admits.

“Yeah, but you’ll be a pain to take care of. No fun for me either,” Buck complains softly.

“Mmm...I’d be good for you, promise,” Eddie breathes, running his tongue across the mark he’s left on Buck’s neck.

“Eddie,” Buck moans softly, his hands now moving up Eddie’s sides.

Eddie pulls off Buck’s shirt along with his own pressing their bodies together as he kisses along Buck’s neck and shoulders.

He feels Buck shiver slightly and he holds him closer to stop the chills.

“I don’t think I can get on my hands and knees, Eddie,” Buck whispers as Eddie starts getting them both out of their sweats.

“You don’t need to,” Eddie tells him, kissing up by Buck’s ear.

“Then you gotta let me get on my back,” Buck whispers his lips pressed to Eddie’s shoulder.

“Not doing that either,” Eddie tells him.

“Then what?” Buck asks.

Eddie smiles and reaches over to the bedside table uncapping the lube and taking the condom and setting it aside. He spreads the lube over his fingers and watches as Buck’s eyes follow his fingers till they’re behind his own back and he sinks down onto the first finger with a groan.

“Eddie,” Buck whispers, watching him his eyes wide and pupils blown.

Eddie moans softly as he adds another finger fucking himself down against them and whimpering out Buck’s name.

Buck’s lips suck on the pulse point of his neck as he does this before Eddie pulls his fingers out. He takes the condom he set aside and rolls it down onto Buck’s hard cock along with a few strokes with some lube.

“Eddie,” Buck whispers, watching him still with the widest eyes.

Eddie grips Buck’s shoulders before he lowers himself onto Buck slowly feeling that stretch that aches only a little less than the first time they did it this way.

“Fuck, Eddie,” Buck whimpers holding Eddie’s hips in his hands.

It feels so good, just as good as he remembers it, feeling himself so full of Buck he can hardly stand it.

His thighs shake as he sinks down all the way until Buck’s bottomed out inside him. His hips go loose and open, back arching, and it’s such a warm and good stretch. 

“Eddie,” Buck groans as Eddie starts pressing himself up and down on Buck’s cock rocking his hips to do the work for him. The rhythm comes easily and so do the noises they both make when they have the house all to themselves.

The headboard thumps against the wall as Eddie fucks himself down on Buck’s cock groaning and calling out his name in desperation as Buck’s hips rock up making sure he hits his prostate every time.

“God, Eddie, you’re so beautiful like this,” Buck begins to babble his lips moving along Eddie’s shoulder.

Eddie whimpers and says, “It feels so good, Buck. I forgot how much I like it like this.”

“Didn’t think you’d ever let me again,” Buck whispers his admission.

Eddie groans and continues to ride Buck at the pace they’ve made and groans, “I’ve been an ass, Buck.”

“You’ve got a good one,” Buck comments in his distracting humor squeezing Eddie’s ass as he rides him.

Eddie moans and says, “You know what I mean. I’ve been awful.”

“I deserve,” Buck starts to say.

“No, no you don’t...fuck,” Eddie groans feeling his climax coming on and this is so not the time for this conversation no matter how much easier it makes it.

“Fuck Eddie I’m close,” Buck whines.

“Me too. So close,” Eddie calls out before letting out another groan when Buck’s hand wraps around his dick and starts to tug him off.

“Buck,” he shouts out as he cums finally with Buck following behind not long after.

Their bodies stick together and Eddie whines pitifully as he pulls himself off of Buck to lay beside him.

“You okay?” Eddie asks cause maybe sex, when Buck’s so sick, isn’t the best of choices.

“Oh, I’m feeling much better,” Buck chuckles and Eddie smiles at hearing the humor back in Buck’s voice.

Eddie rolls over and rests his cheek on Buck’s shoulder and says, “Buck...about…”

“It’s fine, Eddie,” Buck sighs quickly.

“No, it wasn’t. I was terrible to you for a long time. I was awful and you didn’t deserve it. No stop, you didn’t,” Eddie says when Buck opens his mouth to dispute it.

Eddie swallows then and says, “I was hurt. I was really hurt and I still think you were an idiot for not telling me and making Christopher lie, but I know why you did it. I understand it, but they were the worst months of my life, Buck. I thought I’d lost you for good. I...It hurt worse than Shannon leaving and I felt terrible for that, cause I married her and I was with her for a lot longer and she was Christopher’s mother. But losing you hurt a million times worse somehow. One second we’re planning this life together and the next you’re gone entirely. I just...when you came back I was scared to lose you again and I was still mad and terrified. I pushed you away. I was awful and I’m so sorry, Buck. I love you.”

Buck looks up at him with tears in his eyes and whispers, “I’m sorry I left, Eddie. I thought it’d be for the best. I missed you every day I was gone. I...I love you too, I’ve never stopped,” Buck whispers.

Eddie reaches across and strokes Buck’s cheek wiping and tears away and says, “I don’t want you to feel like you have to tell me where you are every second or ask me to do things anymore. I...I trust you.”

“If it helps then…,” Buck starts.

“I thought it did. It didn’t. I didn’t feel safe or good until I started to let you in again. Talking to you again. Now I feel...I don’t feel so scared,” Eddie sniffs.

Buck moves closer, Eddie wrapping his arms around him and pressing a kiss to his temple, “I won’t ever leave you, Eddie. Thick or thin I’m here. We’ll do it together.”  
  


Eddie smiles and laces his fingers with Buck’s and nods, “Together.”

After that things are great. They fall back into what they used to have. The trust, the love, the just enjoying each other. Only this time it’s better. There’s none of the trouble they faced before, it’s easy now in comparison.

It takes about eight months, but Buck finally wins Abuela and Aunt Josephina back on his side, which also makes things easier.

Hen comes to visit them the next summer with Karen and the kids and all seems to be forgiven between him and her too.

“Are you enjoying your stay in Texas?” Eddie chuckles handing her a beer as he sits down outside.

“Yeah, actually we’re thinking of making the stay permanent,” Hen sighs.

“Really?” Eddie asks.

“Yeah, I think I’m making a career change. Besides rocket scientists have more of a market in Texas anyways,” Hen smiles.

“A career change? To what?” Eddie asks.

“A paramedic,” Hen sighs.

“No kidding?” Eddie laughs.

“Yeah, you ready to have a much better coworker?” Hen smiles.

“Absolutely,” Eddie smiles back, “Glad to have you.”

Hen smiles and then looks towards where Buck is entertaining Christopher and Denny in the yard.

“Is he any closer to figuring out what he wants to do yet?” Hen questions.

Eddie sighs and says, “God I hope so. Don’t think I can handle any more of the little hobby phases.”

“Bad huh?” Hen chuckles.

“Not all of them. The possible chef or baker phase wasn’t too bad. I gained about ten pounds though.”

Hen shakes her head and says, “What all else has he tried?”

“Painter, also not too bad, but truthfully he’s not much of an artist. Maybe if someone mistakes his misshapen portraits as some sort of abstract work, but…”

“So no to painter,” Hen sighs, “What else has he tried?”

“Pottery. Then there were the pilot lessons which terrified me to the core. I got him to stop that one with the nightmares I kept having. Then the police officer idea, again nightmares for me.”

“So what’s he on now?” Hen asks.

“Real estate,” Eddie huffs.

“And that’s bad?” Hen asks.

“No. It’s just...I don’t know...I doubt it’ll stick,” Eddie sighs.

“Why not?”

“You know Buck. He’s personable, sure, but it’s not enough outdoor and energy using work,” Eddie explains.

“Right,” Hen nods and then says, “I don’t know if anything will ever be as good as fire fighting was for him.”  
  


“Yeah,” Eddie sighs, “And everything that might have been requires some sort of degree and I don’t think he wants to go back to school.”

“Yeah, I get you,” Hen agrees.

Buck picks Christopher up and starts spinning around with him in his arms and Eddie smiles at the two of them.

“He’s really great with him. Maybe none of us know what his right job will be but there’s certainly one thing he was made for. Being a dad.”

Eddie smiles and says, “Yeah. That much is true.”

“Are you thinking of having another?” Hen asks.

“Another?” Eddie asks.

  
“Kid,” Hen offers.

“Oh...I mean we never discussed that. I mean Christopher’s great. I figure why mess with perfection? Why does he want one of his own you think?” Eddie asks.

“No, I think he’s happy now. He has Christopher, he’s one of his own as far as Buck’s concerned. Just thought maybe you two would want another kid,” Hen shrugs.

Eddie looks in Buck’s direction and watches as he spots Karen walking out with Nia, his whole face lighting up as he rushes over with Christopher still in his arms.

He sets Christopher down and takes Nia from Karen and rocks her in his arms cooing at her and showing her off to Christopher.

And yeah, Eddie thinks maybe he does want another just for this.

\---

Hen and Karen leave and Eddie cleans up while Buck puts Christopher to bed.

Eddie walks to their room after to find Buck sitting on the bed staring down at something in his hand.

He walks closer and sits down beside Buck who startles and quickly closes his hand around whatever he’s looking at tightly.

“Buck?” Eddie questions.

“Sorry. I was just thinking,” Buck sighs.

“About?” Eddie asks.

Buck uncurls his hand revealing his old engagement ring to Eddie and sighs, “Selling it finally.”

“Why? We still have money,” Eddie says.

“I know. I just...I think I know what I want to do. I just have to go back to school to do it,” Buck sighs.

“You do? And you want to go back to school?” Eddie asks.

“I don’t want to go back to school, but for what I want to do I’m going to have to.”

“What?” Eddie asks.

“I want to be a teacher. Like pre-school or elementary,” Buck explains.

Eddie smiles and says, “I love kids.”

“What?” Buck asks.

“It’s one of the first things you ever said to me. I think you’ve found it.”

“Found what?” 

“What’s going to stick,” Eddie smiles.

Buck smiles back and leans forward to kiss Eddie gently, “I love things that stick.”

\---

Buck sells the ring for a hefty price and starts taking classes at the local college, and Eddie thinks about the kid thing, but he thinks about something else even more.

The day after Buck sells the ring Eddie finds himself in a jewelry store buying another. It’s not as big as the previous one by far, but it has the sapphires he always talked about for him.

“So you bought a ring?” Hen asks at work with a grin as wide as her face.

“Yes, I bought a ring,” Eddie sighs.

“Are you thinking of using it?” Chimney asks grinning alongside Hen.

Eddie sighs heavily and wonders why he ever thought it was a great idea for Chimney and Hen to become friends.

“Yes, I plan on using it. I just have to find the right moment. Buck’s busy with school and he’s worried about how Christopher feels about him not being at his beck and call all the time.”

“Christopher’s a great kid he understands,” Hen says.

“I’ve tried to explain that,” Eddie sighs.

“So the right moment,” Chimney comments.

“I’m hoping soon. Maybe next week, I looked at his syllabus and he doesn’t have anything big due.”

“Ah, working the engagement around his school schedule. Romantic,” Chimney laughs.

“Shut up. It is romantic. He’s being thoughtful,” Hen says slapping Chimney’s arm.

“And the kid thing you given any more thought to that?” Chimney asks.

“He’s in school. We’ve got a lot going on right now the last thing we probably need is to add a kid into it,” Eddie huffs.

“But you get all soft when you see Buck with babies,” Hen teases.

“One thing at a time,” he tells them with a roll of his eyes.

So Eddie starts planning the perfect proposal, what will be the perfect one for them as a couple. He just wants it all to be right.

\---

So he takes Buck out one night, when he’s not studying, to a fancy restaurant like the one they spent their first night at. Not the same one, no Eddie doesn’t want any hard memories of Larry intruding on their moment.

“This is upscale,” Buck comments as they sit down.

“Well I wanted the best for you,” Eddie smiles.

“And the occasion?” Buck asks.

Eddie raises his brows and Buck sighs, “Fine, I was kidding. I know it’s our anniversary of meeting.”

Eddie smiles and takes Buck’s hand and says, “I loved you right away you know.”

Buck rolls his eyes and Eddie says, “No really I did. The way you held my necklace like it was something delicate. You were different than anyone I’d ever seen before.”

Buck smiles shyly a bit and he says, “Well I thought you were pretty hot, but also kind of annoying. Then you told me about Christopher and I guess that won me over.”

Eddie laughs and says, “I know, our son is the real winner.”

“You’re not so bad either,” Buck smiles and kisses Eddie’s hand.

Eddie smiles and says, “Short of Christopher you’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Buck.”

“Ditto,” Buck smiles widely.

Eddie feels the nerves bubble in his stomach and reaches into his pocket, “I got you something.”  
  


“You didn’t have to,” Buck says as Eddie puts the box on the table.

Buck’s eyes widen as he looks down at it and glances at Eddie.

Eddie smiles gently at him and says, “Don’t worry. If I get the right answer it’s a gift for me too.”

Buck’s eyes begin to water as he opens it and then sniffs, “The sapphires.”

“Like we talked about that first day,” Eddie nods.

Buck glances up at him and Eddie sighs, ‘I love you so much, Buck. We’ve had a rough go of it. But I’ve loved you every second of it, good and bad. And if you’ll let me I’d like to love you every second for the rest of our lives as my husband.”

Buck smiles and says, “Yes.”

“Yes?” Eddie smiles

“Yes,” Buck confirms before leaning across the table to kiss him before Eddie slides the ring on his finger.

\---

It’s not long after that they get married in a small wedding with just Eddie’s family, Christopher, Hen, and Chimney to watch. Just the way they want it.

“The wedding isn’t what I’m excited about. It’s the rest of my life with you that I’m looking forward to,” Buck says waving off any of Eddie’s doubts that they should have done something bigger.

Their honeymoon is short and sweet too since Buck has school to get back to. He’s trying to finish this degree in record time by Eddie’s estimation, and he couldn’t be more proud of all the hard work Buck’s putting into it.

He’s happy when Buck finally gets to start shadowing actual teachers, cause it means Buck spends his day with kids like he wants. He always comes home practically bursting with excitement to tell Eddie about his day.

And yeah hearing about how much Buck loves spending his time with kids only makes Eddie want another one.

The subject doesn’t come up though until one night when Buck’s rambling on about his day.

“And there’s this one kid, Ethan, I always liked that name, well he…,” Buck starts to say when Eddie suddenly asks, “Is that what you’d want to name your kid?”

Buck stops and wrinkles his forehead, “Name my kid? My kid's name is Christopher.”

“Pretty sure I did the pick there,” Eddie chuckles.

“Yeah, well I would have picked it too,” Buck shrugs off.

Eddie smiles and says, “No, but really do you think about it?”

“What?” Buck asks.

“Having another kid?” 

Buck blinks at him before laughing somewhat uncomfortably, “Is this your way of telling me you’re pregnant.”

Eddie rolls his eyes at him and says, “Buck answer.”

Buck sighs and says, “I don’t know? Not really. I mean we’ve got a perfect kid. Why mess with perfection?”

“That’s what I said,” Eddie laughs.

“So what changed your mind and got you thinking about having another one?” Buck asks.

Eddie sighs and says, “You with Nia. Hen says my heart beats out of my chest every time I see you holding a baby.”

Buck grins and lays his body over Eddie’s kissing him gently, “So you want to see me everyday running around here exhausted with a baby in my arms huh?”

Eddie rolls his eyes and kisses Buck’s cheek before saying, “Maybe, that and I think Christopher would look cute with a sibling.”

Buck starts to think about it and smiles, “Yeah, he’d be a good big brother.”

“So you think maybe?” Eddie asks.

Buck smiles and says, “Yeah, maybe I want another kid with you.”

The surrogacy process is taxing, first, there’s getting themselves approved which eventually happens, cause Eddie’s a firefighter and Buck’s now a teacher and that seems to be a winning combination.

They decide to use Buck’s sperm for the baby after a lot of arguing back and forth on Buck’s part, about how Eddie’s already proven with Christopher that he makes great kids.

He finally gets Buck to relent when their surrogate Lucy is chosen and she looks a great deal like one of Eddie’s sisters and Eddie reasons that by using Buck the baby will be more of a mix of the both of them.

The nine months of waiting for their kid to be born are tortuous, to say the least, because Buck and Eddie both can’t help but worry since they only see Lucy for her monthly doctor's appointments that say the baby’s doing well.

The day their son is born is the day Eddie really finally realizes just how far they’ve come from that elevator they met in. Yeah, there’s a lot of crying that goes on from both of them as they take the boy into their arms, and when Christopher holds him for the first time as well with Buck’s help.

He’s a beautiful baby that funnily enough if Eddie thinks about it looks more like him than Buck at first.

He’s got dark brown hair like Eddie and Lucy’s though it falls in little wispy curls like Bucks. He has the same olive skin as him and Lucy too. But the blue eyes like Buck and Christopher’s and when he smiles for the first time it’s all Buck.

They land on the name Jude figuring having another son named after a saint can’t hurt.

Eddie doesn’t know what image he finds cuter, coming home to Buck cooing over their son or coming home to find Christopher doing his best to make him laugh.

And now Eddie goes to sleep in the peace of Buck’s arms with his two perfect kids asleep down the hall, and Buck’s boots beneath his bed. Their hustling days are over and forever is the sweetest con. 

  
  
  



End file.
